Ghosts from the past

One:

They say everyone must experiences heartbreaks one way or the other at least once throughout their lives, it is one of the ways people get to grow, not just bigger but wiser too and somehow learn to be non-judgmental, but the worst of them is when you just recover from a heartbreak that was caused by one of the closest people to you, you recover and decide to put your trust in someone else believing that they would be different or do better but then the story repeats itself and you get hurt again and even worst this time, it makes you doubt yourself, your people skills and sense of choice, it somehow make you believe that you are the problem, and relating it to all the bullying and the other bad things that you ever went through or happened to you, you get to blame yourself for everything, and that is the worst feeling someone can ever feel, I know because I have been through it and it’s a feeling I wouldn’t wish on nobody.

The last relationship I was in was with a guy named Joseph Agele, a very nice guy, respectful and sweet, kind of arrogant and full of himself though, but I was part of him so he was full of me too and I loved him for that, always proud to have me and never hesitated to show it, I met him right after taking sometime alone as a result of a betrayal and intentional heartbreak, my then boyfriend went on to get in a relationship with a friend of mine that for some reason was no longer a friend, and the worst thing about it is that we were in the best of our terms and times, we were closer than we ever been, and everything was going super good. Many times people tried to tell me that something isn’t right but I was too blind to make sense out of what they say, then out of nowhere my old friend called me to say I have always been the problem, I have always forced things to fall on my favor and wanted life to circle around me or else my boyfriend wouldn’t have left me for her, I was broken, I went mute, I didn’t even ask him about it, I tried to convince myself that it was one of her tricks to get back at me but all indications showed that she wasn’t lying, but not about the part of him leaving me because things between us were all rubies and pearls, he told me she played him into it but betrayal has no excuse so I left him.

Me and Agele spent almost two years together, we were the best and closest of friends, we went everywhere and did everything together, his friends always found it funny, I couldn’t figure out if it was in an amusing way or as a mockery, I didn’t even bother to try, for me I saw it as their friend is happy with me so I fall in their good side, he always encouraged in getting the best out of me, he loved how independent I am. Coming from a poor family, growing up with as little as a get by on daily bases, to graduating from University with a bachelor’s degree in Medical Laboratory, I was well employed, I worked fulltime in the main hospital and did parttime in a private clinic or several clinics I can say, on the side I had a unisex hair salon that a friend is running for me, he understood the fact that I am to be busy most of the time, I’m always amazed by his patience because he is always there for me, he visits when he has the time, or just pass by, he always brings something with him, sometimes lunch if I didn’t get the chance to eat, sometimes sweets or chocolates, and sometimes he brings me some homemade cakes that I loved very much, they are sold somewhere near his work place. He has always been that good to me until I saw him in pictures of a birthday celebration posted online, it was the second birthday of his daughter from an active relationship with a lady whom together they have an ongoing plans for officially getting married, it turned out he was this good to me because with me he has enough time to live a double life, I confronted him but he told me his family are the ones forcing him to marry the lady because of the child, I wanted to believe him but I just couldn’t live with the fact that he kept it hidden from me the whole time, I wouldn’t have a problem with the fact that he has a daughter but I defiantly can’t be with him knowing that at the end he is going to marry someone else, even if one day he is going to stand up against his family, still my chances aren’t even close, because that’s when I realized that the only people from his family that I personally know are his little brother and cousin sister whom I later found out that are both not in good terms with the other lady, and the worst of it is that I can’t live with myself that he is with all the pity using his own daughter as an excuse to be with both of us or whatever he is thinking, I just don’t know and I can’t be part of it. I decided to quit the relationship and the world, I decided to live with myself, I took a silent retreat, quit working in the hospital because I couldn’t stand being in a crowded environment, it affected my concentration and focus so I decided to point the little focus I have left on my business, but kept working in one of the private clinics, it doesn’t get super busy most of the time so I use the quite as a getaway, I stopped doing a lot of things, extra care for myself was not even to flow among my thoughts at any given time, that ‘self’ was super broken and torn apart, it was my friend that forced me to do my hair sometimes, it took me a very long time to acknowledge the depression I was in, and that’s when I realized I am not ok, I started healing myself by reading, I drowned myself in books and they always took me places, sometimes I pass out with a book in my hand then dream about everything I read, if it’s a novel, I get to be the main character, and when I wake up I feel relaxed and happy or just not as sad as I was most of the time, I started gathering the broken pieces and life started coming back to me, I started exercising, and after three months I started loving the results because my physique was really torn up and disorganized from my unhealthy and unstable eating and sleeping habits, I got back to studying but this time online, I did a lot of courses with certificates that added a huge value to my resume. After a short period of time, I came across an entrepreneurship grant that funds small businesses and startups, I applied and I was accepted, I took the money and extended my business by renting a bigger place and opened a beauty shop and make-up studio as well, I started my line of organic beauty products, oils and lotions for all types of skin and hair problems for both men and women, my business was growing very fast and very well, people loved my products so the demand was very high, I trained few of my friends to handle the packaging and partnered with a company that works in branding, business was very good and I was able to rent a whole house for it and started planning for opening a boutique, I still worked at the clinic though, but I consider it on a volunteer bases since the money they pay me is just a little more than nothing, but I loved my job, I loved that I have chosen my field of study so I practice it with love and passion, sometimes I even go to help or cover for other colleagues if I have the time, I try my best to enjoy every minute doing it, I started loving a lot of things about myself actually, I started practicing positive thinking and it resulted to me putting myself first, time management became one of my specialties and most importantly balancing my mind and dividing my thoughts and mental capacity between all the things that I do, when I’m at the beauty salon, it’s all I focus on, same with when I’m at the clinic, when I visit my family, when I’m reading or when I decide to just sit and do nothing, and by nothing I literally mean “nothing”, not even thinking, happiness and selfcare became a must for me, at some point I felt like I did a lot in a very short period of time, and not to get carried away, I took some time off and went for a vacation, I couldn’t travel alone so I asked my friend Lina to go with me, she is the one running the business in a fulltime bases but we both needed the break, I was different when we came back, all fresh and all new. My family were very happy and proud of my achievements, especially my father but I’m not sure if he is just proud of me solely because of my success or because I bought him a car, but either ways it’s his job to be proud of his first-born daughter weather he tasted the fruits of her success or not. With my mother, it’s a different story, she is like my top marketing specialist, after launching my hair products I forced her to quit wearing weaves and hair extensions, she was one of my first customers, I treated her hair and the result was amazing, it took six months to reach our aim but she loved the free service so she didn’t complain about the time, at the end she became a regular customer and paid fully even after my refusal, my father cuts his hair at my saloon and pays in full too, I later found out that it was my him who talked and convinced her into it as their way of constantly supporting me and my dreams. Wherever she goes, she happily showcases her natural hair and publicly praise me for it, a lot of my regular customers are because of her, and all the customers she brings leave very happy and satisfied, so they go and bring or recommend another one or two customers, and that’s how my clientele and the whole business grew very fast.