What I Should've Done

To start, I should've started saving my money as soon as I started working at fourteen. I should've put that money in investments when I was eighteen. I should've paid WAY more attention in high-school, and I should've got a sports scholarship to some high-end university studying anything that could've made me rich and successful.

I should have done these things.

As you can probably guess, I didn't. And if you're reading this, maybe you didn't either; aimlessly wading through the endless waters of life even as the liquid rises and threatens to swallow you whole. Even as a global pandemic threatens our way of life, even as economic crises and global turmoil infect the news and media like a parasite, even as we watch opportunities pass us by and play back that same memory for so many years afterwards, wondering what could've been if this would've happened.... If we would've just gotten a little lucky....

But if we look only to the past, we will never see the future. And that's really the problem, isn't it?

We all have that mistake made so many years ago that stays with us, haunts us in the dark of night, makes us cringe and hate ourselves and dread even getting out of bed for fear of making the same mistake again. But you know what? If I could add up the amount of time I've spent thinking of it, I bet it'd be thousands of times longer than the actual event that took place. Hours upon hours agonizing over an event that in reality only took about twenty seconds to occur, a ridiculous insight truly. But all the same, humans are not machines, and we can't just simply purge memories from our mind, but we can form habits to stop ourselves from agonizing over could-have-beens and mistakes.

Imagine if we had spent all that time agonizing trying some new hobby, or learning new skills, or molding our futures? And why shouldn't we? At the end of the day, life is short. With all the madness in the world right now, try putting down social media for a couple days. Stop doom scrolling on Facebook or Twitter; websites like this are built on and gain popularity from controversies, so it's only natural they would try to inflame these issues into seemingly life threatening situations.... Regardless that a week later the article is gone but our lives remain the same, only with more anxiety. But I didn't write this to rant about social media. I wrote it to say this: Do what you enjoy, work when you have to, and love unconditionally. Anything else is just wasting time, and I wish I had known this earlier in my life. I wish I had the strength to help those suffering the terrible abuses I witnessed when I was a child. I wish I hadn't been so helpless back then, and even that I was more proactive and strong now, and that I had spent more time with my family and friends who all passed before their time... And I wish I had started writing at a younger age so I could've put this into words sooner, and then maybe I could've motivated you better to find a way in life, even if everyone tells you it's wrong. This is vocal after all, I know you're probably a fellow writer reading this and to you I'll say: Write for yourself, slam out a completely unedited draft, don't care what people might think, because at the end of your process you will have a complete first draft of the inside of your brain. Delete it, or edit and publish it, either way you will know yourself a little better, and be a little better at the craft of writing. Be proactive, be bold, be relentless, and never give up, and you will see the fruits of your labours.

And never take the people you love for granted.

That's what I should've done.