Stars (S)
...
In this hell, there was really only one thing that felt real to me. That was
Experiment 0013, Kanashimi,
He never smiled, but he always ended up making me smile instead. Was that a weird kind of statement? I know I always smile anyways, even if I don't want to. But that doesn't change the fact that Kanashimi is perfect and always right.
Today isn't much different from the other days, the rules of our entire routine to life: Be experimented, go eat, get tested, be experimented again, take a rest, test, sleep.. Right now is break, where we stay at the Outside Life Simulation room of this hell that we call the Xebo lab—The place where they make us pretend we're still alive on the inside.
I don’t remember being born, or ever knowing what the real outdoors looks like. But my body does; it remembers things my mind can’t, like the way my skin crawls at scents that seem familiar but my mind can't place where it's from. Does that make sense? Or do I just sound crazy to you.
I guess you could call me Experiment 0012, I guess people know me as the one with the plastered smile on their face. Don't mistake me with that one girl from Section 44, she's not biologically forced to smile like me. I doubt you know her anyways, I wonder why I should bother introducing myself or the other experiments.
Above, LEDs hummed like distant stars, bleeding pale clouds into a violet expanse that tried to cradle eternity in its synthetic arms. It promised infinity, yet its edges pressed too close, a quiet confinement masquerading as wonder. I didn’t mind. The lie was gentle, and sometimes gentle lies are easier to love than the boundless truths they imitate.
My dearest Kanashimi sat next to me, fingers buried in the plastic green grass that could never rot—never could bend the wrong way.
"Kan-kun," I called "... Do you want to escape? This wretched place?" I asked as I gazed on his face.
He glanced up to me, his blue eyes glimmering under the light that always seemed to fill my day. Yet, the expression beneath was desperation—or something of that sort. I could clearly see that the last testing was excruciating just from the drops of blood from the back of his neck. He must think I'm stupid, doesn't he? It's so out of my league even as a mere friend to ask.
"... Why do you even choose to ask something you already know, Shiwa-san...?" He let out a tired breath "Everyone wants to escape, yet... It's just... It's just impossible." I could tell he was deprived of hope at this point, I could see it in his eyes.
I tilted my head a bit; impossible was a word that I didn't want to hear from him, the one person I consider my hope. After all, we're just some kids. Spare some kind of deserved sugary delusions at least; he deserves the blueberry taste—sweet like him, blue like him, served on a silver platter just so easily to others like him.
"It won't be!" I replied "As long as you want it to work, then I'll make sure it works."
"You'd be free, if you wanted—because you deserve everything you want" I stated under my breath, because it's common sense to know that Kanashimi is the best in the world. Did you know that? No, you don't. You wouldn't understand just how much his unfathomable perfection has changed my life.
Kanashimi's gaze looks elsewhere from me, as if he can't hold a statement like that in his mind even if he wanted to. "Oh please," he scoffed, not in a tone of malice—but of pure self doubt. I love how beautiful his melancholic self is. I don't deserve him.
"If the plan's on me, it'd all just come crashing down. Everything I do just fails like that... And I'd just fail your expectations too." He stated, with that worried little voice full of insecure breakdowns. He’s the world’s beautiful creation, what is he talking about with failing expectations?
I would've laughed at those words if I could. That's not something I'd ever even think of accepting, not once and not ever. Just the thought of him failing is absurd to me; he's perfect, better than a god, or at least to me. I mean, am I wrong? Nope', he's perfect. Too perfect for this world to understand it.
I reached for his hands, as I held them close. His pale palms were soft, like the mattresses in the sleeping accommodations. "Nonsense!" I smiled. "Y'know, Dr. Eveline once told me eyes are the windows to the soul;"
"And your eyes," I added, with that sugar coated voice I only do for him " are the prettiest I've ever seen!" I mean, who has eyes prettier than his; like the descriptions people talk about with oceans or the real sky. I've never seen them, but I'd believe his blue eyes are tons more prettier, maybe top it.
I noticed a change in his expression; maybe something in him was triggered by my words? Maybe he's happy that I called his eyes pretty! He doesn't smile, he can't, but his internal joy is what sets my external smile everyday. Knowing he's happy makes me happy.
"..." He had stayed quiet, but he seems happy to me! I wonder if he had wanted to say something that time...
But then, the scientists and other workers called out to everyone in the Outside Simulation Room; it's time to sleep. I hate sleep time, why can't I stay with Kanashimi? Hours too long without him makes existence feel useless. How come the other experiments can stay with Kanashimi but I can't.
Hmmph, it's fine. I'll bear an existential crisis if Kanashimi still continues to breathe by tomorrow! This weird lab can barely sustain it's own life within, I bet even the scientists find this hell dirty.
And as the scientists led us to our rooms, I waved a good night to him before walking different paths. I stay in a room of my own, for hurting personnel who don't know how to treat Kanashimi right. Kanashimi stays with the others of Section 44.
Laying down on the mattress of my room, I think about today's events. My eyes glance from one spot to another in my room as I start to zone out. My thoughts went from the pale floor covered with my blood, to the thoughts of the important fact that
I learned something valuable today; My Kanashimi wants to leave this place, although almost everyone here does too but they're not the important one. But he shouldn't worry; when we can finally escape, I'll show him a real sky! I'm sure I still remember what one looks like.
