Chapter 1 : Best Friend
« - Its not even funny, you keep posting this shit. Are you okay or are you not ? »
They all ask, I know they care, they love me.
Somewhere in my head I also know they love me to their own capacity, that I felt alone when it mattered for me to be surrounded.
« - Geez, lighten up. That’s my joke. It’s a joke around the band. » I answer.
That’s not even like me to dismiss. Recently, to be quite precise, it’s been months, I have come to like being dismissive.
I have met so many trials, and I felt defeated, alone at that. I find pleasure in being everything that I despised, I find pleasure in doing so because I love to see no one react.
They look at you with so much worries, a look saying : « I know you’re not okay, this isn’t like you, you’ve changed, you’re hurt. » but they won’t say it, and I don’t engage in this anymore. We stay in this awful situation, we all know what’s going on and no one tells a thing.
They’re used to me talking and I talk because they don’t, I just read them and anticipate. I am not interested anymore.
I love to see how your loved ones crumbles under their own insecurities.
They will never ask.
I don’t feel that depressed or sad anymore, actually I am very happy and cheerful, but I don’t want them to see it. I love to be absent.
« - She’s broken… I don’t know what to do or to say. She just won’t open up and she looks at you like you’re not there or with that god awful hurt in her eyes. It’s like she isn’t anymore.
- What can we do ? She maybe just needs some time.
- Like she hasn’t suffered enough for those pieces of shit underdogs ?
- Well have you asked her ? How she feels or what you can do to help ?
- She just… She doesn’t communicate anymore. Well she does, she’s quite perfect, she has all the good answers you can’t interfere. So what can I do more ?
- I don’t know maybe just time… »
