Dark Humor, Office Monsters & Sweet Errors: Dystopocon Anthology Vol 1

Welcome.

The first thing I want to say before we even talk about these stories is...Thank you for being here, honestly. You clicked on a thumbnail and thought, Hmm, that looks like a fun book, and you’re now here and I appreciate you for being here.

Also a little small print, if you came here for Kira Lorne books, sorry, I’m not Kira, I’m Cody...the helpful other author in the family. Kira’s mostly husband...if I’m lucky enough to qualify for the job on any given day.

This is mostly Kira’s Inkitt page and I’m just renting here. It’s kind of like Kira’s work room, she decorates, picks the colors and has rules posted on the door. I don’t mess with the rules...I’m just renting space here.

All that said, I’m excited to be posting on Inkitt, Kira has made a lot of friends here and I hope to do the same. That means interact with us, be friends, tell me what you think of the stories. I have a thick skin, I can take it.

and about this book, these stories, this anthology collection:

Dystopocon was invented originally as a Substack page, where I made a goal to write one new story every week. Most were short stories and to be honest the first 50 or so “stories” were really rants involving socio-political workplace observations. I know, it was a little dry at first. But over time the workplace stuff fell away (you’ll still find some, I try...but it’s just a part of me) and was replaced by stories about...well...I guess that’s what you’re here for.

Because what you’re holding isn’t really a book. Not yet. It’s more of a diary. My wife calls it “reservations about people.” I call it my private collection of humans being their most human, a kind of Fail Army greatest hits. A survival guide disguised as field notes. Think of it as a fifty-something’s “laugh and you have to drink” game for observing society. (Technically, I don’t remember much before age ten, so we’ll call this a book of adult observations.)

Like any respectable researcher, I use that word sarcastically, since I’ve never formally researched anything in my life. I have areas of “specialty”: leadership, pop culture, and monsters. Why those three? True story: they were the subjects I checked off for email updates when I made my Reddit account. And somehow, that unholy trinity still sums me up.

I’ll try to connect them when I can, but let’s be honest, sometimes they just sit next to each other in the same mental sandbox and throw dirt. That weird limbo between science and belief is what fascinates me. Leadership is a great example. It’s a kind of ghost science we all pretend is complex data, when in reality it’s closer to mythology, with PowerPoint slides instead of tablets of stone.

These stories exist because I don’t want to mumble to myself and fade away. I want to be the sweaty guy on the corner in an ill-fitting Walmart suit, polyester sticking to his back, ranting about how Fast & Furious, Greek mythology, and corporate icebreakers are all the same story, different outfits on the same nonsense.

I don’t want to give a TED Talk. I want to stage a slow-motion existential comedy disguised as a newsletter. I want to be the corporate HR trainer who finally snaps mid-presentation, hurls the laser pointer across the room, and yells at the guy in the back with twenty years at the company that nobody can explain what he actually does.

That’s the tone here. Not scholarly. Not serious. Just absurd, human, a little desperate, and hopefully humorous enough.

I’ve written hundreds of these little stories. The first one, almost ten years ago, was called Planti-ish, not in this volume, maybe next time. It came from an overheard argument between two college girls debating whether a tree was technically a plant. Spoiler: neither was precisely right. I typed the whole thing frantically into the Notes app, laughed out loud at the ridiculousness, and thought this is it. I had uncovered a tiny shard of human behavior and turned it into comedy. That thrill carried me, and I never stopped.

Years later, these scraps grew into the Dystopocon Substack and eventually into these anthologies of collected stories, even a few longer books. If you followed the Substack, you already know I treat these stories like part of a larger performance piece. I read the comments, smile at all the disagreements, and accept that none of it (politics, relationships, leadership seminars, Walmart bread aisle encounters) makes much sense. Writing doesn’t solve it, but it helps me find humor or purpose in it.

Some disclaimers, before you decide if you want to keep this thing or politely return it:

The language sometimes gets harsh. Nothing worse than what you hear two carts over in Walmart, but still. Consider this a warning if your comfort zone is the Hallmark Channel.

Topics range from death, divorce, and politics to floating sharks, imaginary dogs, and talking lizards. It’s a mixed bag.

Wonderfully patient editors, who are a mixed bag of myself, Kira (whom you’ve already met), and a host of other characters, have “helped.” By which I mean: they’ve shamelessly rewritten, reformatted, and filtered almost everything. At this point, even I’m not sure what words are originally mine.

The truth is that my day-to-day life isn’t dramatic. I have a job, friends, and a weekly grind. I don’t explain my writing or why I write to many people because I’d rather let the stories stand on their own. So to most people, I’m nobody. To those who know the pseudonym of Dystopocon, you’re in on the performance.

So, welcome. Or howdy. Or “dark and stormy night,” if you prefer.

I hope you laugh a little, shake your head a lot, and maybe finish with a few new thoughts and a little less faith in chasing perfection.

Also, a few notes.

These stories are written in different formats, many in script format. You may not have run into that type of formatting before. Just pretend you’re watching a TV show and the callouts (the names listed at the front of each line) are a camera cut. It’s actually a fun way to write stories, a leftover from a previous job of mine.

Lastly, many of the stories deal with pop culture references, both current and long past. I totally understand if your knowledge of H.R. Pufnstuf isn’t up to date. If you find the story is just wandering into areas you don’t know much about, I recommend you just smoothly transition to the next story...it happens.

Rights & Attribution

All content in this anthology is original work created by Cody Poston. It is published here on the Black Orchid Press Inkitt page, under Kira Lorne’s name, with Cody Poston’s permission to post and distribute this material. Cody Poston’s complete catalog of stories and books is available for purchase in ebook and print at kiralorneromance.com.