Chapter 1
March 28,2026
To my dear diary,today I woke up feeling like shit.just like the usual everyday I wake up and I just wonder why me? Now don’t get me twisted I don’t wanna die but I’m living like I’m in hell and i have to get out of this. I hate most of the things, well i mean i don’t really like anything but if i had to choose what i hate it would be the stupid concept of life and the people that believe that depression isn't an illness. Everyday i go to sleeping hoping the next day will be better but when i wake up i realize that its the same loops that i have to live again and again and again! I’m so tired most of the time and i have this feeling of apathy following me but only when I’m alone,when I’m outside i don’t know why but i fake everything. I mean we are all faking it and maybe that’s were all of my energy goes but even though I’m depressed i want to bring joy to the people that still believes in it. I do charity work now and I’ll have to smile and interact and that’s fine i wanna help people,but who’s gonna help me? I feel hopeless i slept late last night i was crying and wondering why am i so tired ? And why can’t i act like everybody? I wanna be able to wake up with full energy,i wanna have energy,i wanna get out of bed without having to fight myself for it,i wanna study like before and go to school every day but the thing i want the most right now is happiness,hope and peace. Please God I’m begging you! But part of my problem is that i love Roune very much and I’m trying to replace him and forgot him but i can’t I love him too deeply I would do anything for him to love again and to be the girl he loves but i guess I’m just waiting in vain because he doesn’t love me anymore and he abandoned me so i have to take my distance now and turn the page like him. It seems so easy on his side and if he wanna family zone me Than it’s fine ill be his sister and ill try to love him like a brother and forget our beautiful love story because now its just our past but he used to make me so happy but now i have to make myself happy. Honestly there are some guys who are trying to talk with me and i do answer back but i don’t give a shit about them. I wish I could just be a a bitch and be lustful like all of them and just kiss around or something like that but I can’t i want to have my lover wrapped around my arm and to be able to hear his heart beat but it won’t happen anymore because now I’m just somebody that he used to love. Promise i will keep my distance baby. Now let’s talk about my depression which is the major problem i have in my life. I have no energy, no will to eat or get out of bed. For now I’ll relax and watch beauty in black and figure out the rest later. Love you xoxo
