We're broken people

We're always told to be kind and that leaving someone out of your group is mean but in LO we're told to distance ourselves from people that will hurt us. What's the difference? We're told to not talk bad about people but we're also told to speak to people when others hurt us. How do we differentiate? It's contradictory. People talk, people pick favorites, we're people. Ugh, this topic is boring.

2:48 AM, sleep definitely isn't coming. There's no point in trying. She ruined me, tore me down and acts like we're friends. I haven't been able to sleep properly for a long time after that. Now I'm sat here in my bed, writing something that I'll never share. Two years ago I would've been ecstatic to share my writing but I guess life changed me and... I can't blame it.

I taught myself how to cry quietly and life seems to agree I did the right thing. I portray myself in so many of the characters I write but I hide it well. Even the 'perfect' kid needs a break sometimes, and I'm so very tired. When I do get a full night of sleep, I'm still tired, it's like I can't escape it. It feels like I'm losing it sometimes.

Anxiety, the feeling that you have to worry about everything. The thing that keeps you wide awake. Even when your body is screaming for sleep, your head doesn't listen. It's the pit in your stomach that feels like it's engulfing you, it's the nausea that never seems to let down. Most of all, it's the feeling that something is so very wrong with you.

Depression, the feeling of being constantly sad and not knowing why. The feeling that nothing is worth it anymore and that giving up would be so much easier. It's not being able to get out of bed. It's losing the love for things you used to adore. Most of all, it's the feeling that something is so very wrong with you.

PTSD, the feeling that you're back there again, in the moment that refuses to leave your head. The feeling that you can never be normal again, never be able to do anything that everyone can do. It's when your heart starts hammering at the sound of something that should be so normal, so easy to ignore. It's when you feel like you can never catch your breath. Most of all, it's the feeling that something is so very wrong with you.

Trauma, the broad term for everything that you should've never gone through. Anxiety, depression and PTSD, all things that present so differently. Yet, they all have one thing in common, the feeling that there is something so very wrong with you. You're not alone and it's not your fault. They hurt you, it hurt you, you don't deserve to feel it's your fault.