Clairisa23

Really interesting story!

I've read the first 6 chapters and thought it was a interesting story and would like to see what will happen in the end. But one thing that's bothering me though is the is setting. It is set in modern times in the year 2052 and it's in the Sci-fi genre and I didn't see much modern stuff except a few androids, if the story set in modern time would they still use cellphone's, cd's, Suv's ?wouldn't there be some high tech stuff? But I do like the plot of the story and I'm looking forward to see where it will lead.

Great Read

For a One-Shot story this is a really great read. I like the author's writing style very beautifull the ending leaves us with a cliffhanger would've liked to see where it they ran off to.

An Interesting concet a Hybrid Witch/Vampire

The story has a interesting plot of a Hybrid Witch/Vampire I haven't seen this concept done before and that makes the story unique. At the beginning there's Preview & Prologue I think it would've worked better if it was in one chapter and would have worked as a hook into the story. Chapter 1 has a really good opening and it gives us a sense of what the character Leighton is going through. The inner monologue is done very well and shows her fear and uncertainty. I would've liked more hints as to where she was and how she got there. There are many Grammar mistakes and I assume that the author has English as a second language because it's mine as well and I know it's a struggle to write in English but it can easily be fixed by using Word's read a lot function during the editing process or a proofreader/beta reader..Like for example this line "'I realized I was being right" take out the word 'being' and it still sounds the same and ''apologetic spark' can be 'a spark of empathy'. And the word ''gummy'' comes up a lot it should be ''gums" The chapter: Monster left me confused because I didn't know what was really going on what did she actually see? things happened to quickly in that chapter. There are a lot of telling because it feels like she telling the story instead of the reader experiencing it. I know it's written in first person point of view and we are usually in the main character's head but there are ways you can show what she is experiencing. Here's an example Telling: John was sad to see his girlfriend leave. Showing: John wiped the tears from his face as he watched his girlfriend board the plane. it shows us what his experiencing. And in the chapter: Home there's a flashback you need to show us a indication that it's a different scene. It kind of interrupted the pace of the previous action scene. But overall I enjoyed the story and it has potential to be a full length novel.