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Loved this book
"Absolutely loved this book had a great story and cant wait for book 2. Exited for a second book do not leave us hanging lol "
CHAPTER 1 REVIEW
"Plot Clarity & Pacing The plot is easy to follow: we are walking through a "day in the life" of a woman working three jobs (janitor, librarian, and adult content creator) to keep her head above water. The pacing is steady, though it leans heavily into the repetitive nature of her day. This works well to establish her exhaustion, but the middle section, specifically the transition between the hospital and the library, felt a bit like a "logbook" of her movements. The pace picks up significantly during the lunch with Meryl, where the dialogue provides some much-needed energy. Character Development & Relatability Lucy: She is highly relatable as a "striver." The physical descriptions of her frozen fingers, her sore muscles, and her dread of the "urgent" mail make her very sympathetic. You’ve established her as someone who is practical and perhaps a bit lonely, as she values Meryl’s friendship so deeply. Meryl: She serves as a great foil for Lucy. She’s the "older sister" figure who clearly cares but is also slightly uncomfortable with Lucy's side hustle. Their dynamic feels authentic and lived-in. The Struggle: The detail about the "smears of shit" vs. the "simple and chic" restaurant décor highlights the class/economic struggle Lucy is navigating, which makes her very grounded. Emotional Engagement The strongest emotional beat is the "Urgent" mail stacking up. As a reader, I felt that "dark cloud" along with her. There’s a persistent sense of isolation, even when she’s at the library with Martha or in the hospital lobby, Lucy feels like she’s in her own bubble. The only time she seems to "glow" or feel excitement is when she’s talking about her cosplay or rushing home to her package. This creates a bittersweet feeling: her "fake" life online seems more rewarding than her "real" life in Cambridge. Structural Integrity The chapter is structured chronologically: Morning (Hospital) -> Midday (Library/Lunch) -> Evening (Home). While this is logical, the middle section at the library feels a bit disconnected. We see her go to the library, mention Martha, and then immediately leave for lunch. It feels a bit like a "filler" stop compared to the more detailed hospital and restaurant scenes. However, the ending effectively circles back to the beginning, the "short night" she mentioned to Meryl is about to happen again. Strengths & Weak Areas Strengths: Sensory Details: I could really feel the cold. The "frozen lips," the "trembling fingers," and the "artificial cherry flavor" were excellent touches that put me right in the scene. The Reveal: The way you slowly reveal Lucy’s "nighttime activities" through dialogue rather than a blunt opening sentence was very effective. Weak Areas: The Library Segment: As a reader, I found the transition to the library a bit jarring. She gets there, barely interacts with Martha, puts away one book, and then it’s noon. It felt like a "waiting room" for the lunch scene rather than a distinct part of her day. Internal Logic: Lucy mentions she is a "janitor" at the hospital but then says she "finishes disinfecting the surgical instruments." In a hospital, janitorial work and surgical sterilization (SPD) are usually very different departments requiring different certifications. As a reader, it pulled me out slightly because the roles were blurred. Great work so far! If you ever want deeper, detailed feedback on your manuscript, you can find my contact info through the email icon on my profile."
