Hey, I know it took a while, but as promised here is your review.
Read the story now
First, let me say I like the way you describe things, it's very descriptive so I applaud you on that.
However, one thing that bothered me was how compact your paragraphs are, you need to space it out a little more, it works well to keep the reader focused and continue reading.
Now don't let this discourage you, my writing isn't perfect. But I started out just like you, it is my first story so I had no experience and all my paragraphs were compact until I got a comment from 'A.I Medina' which helped me allot.
Other than compact paragraphs your book is great, it could use some improvement here and there, when you're done writing it you can go back and edit it all and fixing simple punctuation errors.
Editing while writing can be hard and stressful which is why I suggested you do it after you're done. I hope this helped and please don't be discouraged. I'm looking forward to reading more of this story, it has a great plot!! xxx.