GETTING LOST

“Where are we going?” I just woke up from possibly the best nap to see my boyfriend in the driver seat, his hand on my knee, and that dopey smile he gets when he has planned something big. Instead of giving me a genuine answer, he merely looks over and winks at me. “And what is that supposed to mean?” He continues to deny me an answer, so I roll my eyes and pull my leg away from him in an attempt to be petty. I tuck myself up against the passenger door and stare out my window with a big huff.

It’s raining outside, pretty heavily too. I can hear the drops hitting the roof of our car. It sounds like a light whisper coming through. Rain has always been my favorite and today, the rain is exceptionally beautiful as it flies by us on the highway.

There’s music playing, but it’s quiet. It sounds like he hasn’t changed the playlist since I passed out, even though he doesn’t quite like this stuff. He’s more of a heavy guy where I love me some slow beats. He always sacrifices his enjoyment for others. He has gone so far as to cancel his plans for one of Okinawa’s biggest music festivals just to be by my side, feeding me soup and cold medicine for days on end.

This is how he’s always been. Ever since we met in primary school. I used to watch him in class, walking around and checking on all the students. He was basically a little teacher to us. He was making sure everyone understood the instruction. He helped me the most though, I had so much trouble with our English lessons, but he took to it like a natural. I could tell, even back then, that he had feelings for me. He would drop everything for me if I looked even slightly confused just to help me. It was cute.

He hasn’t changed a bit, and that’s ultimately why I said yes when he asked me out on our first date. It was our first year of high school, eight years ago. He had a single blue iris in his hand, and tickets to a car meet in Nishihara. You should have seen the smile on my face. Every day since then, I’ve had that same smile painted on my face thanks to him.

You would think that after so long, he would have changed some, but he holds fast to his beliefs. He has spent every day helping others and making people happy. Luckily, I still get the majority of his attention.

Days go by like a blur with Yuri. He always finds a new way to surprise me or make me laugh. Sometimes, he isn’t even trying to be funny, it just happens. Yuri is somewhat of a klutz… and when I say that it’s an understatement. This one day back in our old apartment, he had just made some crab puffs and miso ramen for the two of us. I don’t know how he managed this but as he was going to take a seat, he bumped his plate it spilt all over the floor. He failed to notice until he sat right into his Rangoon’s! When he picked himself up an turned to walk away, I couldn’t help but bust out laughing at the sight of crab and cream cheese all over his ass.

I keep thinking back to something my parents always told me, “Find someone that teaches you two things: how to live and how to laugh.” Yuri is always teaching me something new and will always find a way to make me laugh. He has given me the smile I thought I’d never see again.

I must’ve dozed off because the sun has fallen behind the horizon. We aren’t moving anymore; I look over to see that Yuri is finally getting some rest. He has been awake and driving for way too long, he needs this break. I decided to check my phone and I see that I received some messages from Aiko, my best friend. She’s been on vacation in America for a couple weeks and I get pictures of her adventures every day. I don’t feel like responding right now so I just swipe them away. I’ll look at those later.

I checked the time and it’s 1:30 in the morning, which is a bit shocking considering he has been driving since 8:00 yesterday morning. How long have you been driving, Yuri? I’m still clueless as to where we are going. The morning we left, all the information I got was to pack my clothes and to prepare myself for a long drive with him.

This really isn’t anything new from him though. Surprises are his thing, whether it’s something small like a boba tea at work or he builds me a new PC… He loves spoiling me and finds every chance to do so. He’s always keeping me on my toes, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy it.

As I’m laying there scrolling aimlessly on my phone, I notice that Yuri has grabbed my hand in his sleep. I know this grip; he doesn’t do this often, thankfully. He’s always battled with this pain in his sleep. He keeps having the same nightmare of the night he lost his sister. He recites the same images every time he wakes, the same cliffside, the same dark figure, the same screams… His grip is starting to hurt my hand this time. I can’t help but squeeze back.

“It’s okay, I won’t let go.” I squeeze his hand harder in an attempt to comfort him, to take him away from those horrors living in his heart.

After a while, the feeling in my hand finally came back as he loosens his grip. I stay awake a little while longer to make sure he doesn’t slip back into that darkness. I don’t mind doing this anyway, he doesn’t give me many chances to take care of him, so I take advantage of the times I do.

I take a look outside and see that the rain has finally ceased, but the shimmer of the moonlight still reflects off the droplets left behind on the asphalt and blades of grass; the remanence of the rain is always as beautiful as the downpour itself. Life itself is gorgeous. The vast amount of beauty and possibilities surrounding us is incredible. Life could take a random turn. You never know if tomorrow will be bright and cheerful, or dark and depressing. Honestly though, that’s the point of life; to have fun whenever you can and roll with the punches.

Amidst the blissful peace and quiet, a hoarse and abrupt sound explodes from seemingly nothing. It took me a second to realize that my phone was going off. Jesus, it was just Aiko. Aiko was out at the beach with her family. They go quite a few times during the summer when the water is nice and warm. Her dad has a yacht, so they have parties out there too, which is exactly why she was texting me now. She sent an album of pictures from the night she had, most of them with a drink in her hand, but some were just pictures of the moon, the lights, anything she thought was pretty. Must be nice. I’ve only ever been to one of her dad’s yacht parties and I had so much fun. The music was loud, the people were fun, and the food was to die for. But I’m happier where I am now, here with Yuri.

“Hrrrrmif sh… don lef-leave mm.” He was definitely asleep with that slur of a sentence. I wonder what he’s dreaming about now. Maybe he’s dreaming of me? Hopefully, we’re okay in his little dream land. He stirs a bit before his eyes slowly start to open. He lets out the most exhausted yawn before stretching and finally settling into his seat again, slumped down a bit with his knees hitting the dash.

“Good morning, Izu. What time is it?” He can barely keep his eyes open.

“Morning, sleeping beauty! It’s only 2:00, do you wanna keep driving or can I drive for you?” I have my fingers crossed in hopes he let’s me drive his car; I love this thing… It’s so pretty and fast! He chuckles before telling me “Hard no, love.” Of course… He doesn’t let anybody get behind the wheel of his baby, not even me. He starts readjusting himself so he can get us back on the road. My phone goes off again and it’s another message from Aiko. This one’s a bit off from her normal though. I can’’t waits to see yuu besfrend… Yep, she’s drunk. I swipe the message away and put my phone in the door pocket as Yuri starts the car and pulls off.

Our journey has brought us to Mount Fuji. What a remarkable sight. From the Sakura trees along the highway to the beautiful snow cap at her peak, there is no other sight like this. Her façade is so warm and inviting. It’s like driving home. Not a worry in the world. Unless you count Aokigahara Forest… Now that place gives me the creeps. It’s so eerie and quiet. Yuri says he’s been there before and he found it tranquil, something I didn’t even think to be possible. But he likes those kinds of things. I look over at him and notice that he’s getting restless in his seat.

“I think it’s time we get out and stretch. We’ve been cramped up in this car for far too long.” I don’t even have time to respond when the scenery around us begins to change. The beautiful pink of the Sakura begins to melt into the deep green of hemlock trees.

“Guess where we are.” He says with his eyes on the road, full of joy.

“Don’t tell me… not there…” His smile grows as he nods his head slowly. He knows I hate this forest, but he wants me to see it’s nothing like how the urban legends depict. “Ugh… you dick.” He just laughs in response as we near the entrance to the forest.

It’s so calm here, not a person or animal in sight. Just adds to the eeriness of it all. He looks so excited though, and that gives me a little feeling of ease. We get out of the car, each with our own grunts and groans from stretching the car ride away, and I have to say, the forest is quite beautiful aside from the deafening silence and the rumors. But of course, the silence and ease were short lived.

“Hey, did you hear that?” Yuri has stopped at this point and is looking around.

“No? Why? What was it? You better not be playing a trick on me!”

“It’s probably nothing, sounded like one of those cones falling to the ground. Don’t worry about it.”

Even though Yuri is here with me, I am still scared out of my mind of this forest. There is nothing in this world that would make me feel perfectly safe here in these woods.

We started down the trail, but I stopped to tie my shoe not long after. As I stood up, I quickly realized something. Yuri was gone…

“Yuri! Yuri, where are you!” No matter how loud I was, it was as if there were walls all around me. There was no echo, no response. The air is so dense around me, nothing can escape my terrifying little bubble. I’m freaking out now. My heart is pounding in my chest and Yuri isn’t here to help me. He isn’t here… All I can think about is you, Yuri. Where did you go?

“Hey sweetie! Are you okay?” This numb-skull popped up out of nowhere like nothing happened.

“Where the hell were you? I was worried sick…”

“I was just around one of those trees, I had to pee.” He let out a giggle while he was telling me, but I was not happy with him.

“Well don’t do that. You know I’m freaked out as it is.”

He gave a small laugh and then walked over to me and gave me a hug.

“I feel better after this quick break, are you ready to get back to your surprise?” I give a zealous nod and start jogging to the car.

The rest of the ride was quick, but it still felt like an eternity before we actually got to the surprise. We had been driving on the road sandwiched by trees for far too long, but wherever he is taking me is absolutely gorgeous. The entire road trip, minus the forest, was breathtaking. The rainfall back home, the sunsets over the horizon, and all the gorgeous trees. The surprise better be as good as the journey.

“What would you do if I just disappeared one day? No warning, I just up and vanished.”

This caught me by surprise. I don’t even know how to respond to this question. All I can do is sit there in shock staring at him.

“The reason I ask is because last week when I was home alone, I stumbled across this show that talks about missing persons cases and I guess I was curious as to what you would do in that situation. I know it’s a wild question to ask. I don’t know why, but I’ve been thinking about it.”

I’m still taken back by this question, but I can understand him now. He has always been curious, and sometimes this would lead him to overthink. He tends to let his thoughts consume his world. Instead of answering him, I deflected the question onto him.

“Why don’t I ask you the same question instead. What would you do if I disappeared one day?”

I can see him thinking hard about this one. He goes on to talk about how he would be in shock, but he would calm himself down by creating a plan. The details behind his explanation gave me a sense of security with him. I couldn’t imagine doing anything different than what he said if he were to be missing instead.

After the talk had finished, we started driving down a dirt road when Yuri started to slow down.

“Are we close?” No response, “Ugh, stop teasing me.” He laughs and I can’t help but laugh with him. I feel like no matter the situation, if Yuri is in the room, no one can be upset. He has that aura around him that just puts everyone in a good mood. We take a turn around one more corner, and a house begins to reveal itself.

“Wow...”

“So, do you like it?”

“Is that even a question? I love it! This place is beautiful!”

This lake house was definitely worth the wait. I am awestruck staring at this mansion of the house. The stunning modern design makes it stand out against the surrounding trees, but the deep browns and subtle blacks function as a sort of camouflage that blends into the world. The windows create a jarring statement as the sunshine glistens off each pane. This has to be the best I could’ve asked for and it’s all thanks to him. This man goes above and beyond for me, most days it feels like I live in a romcom with him. He is most certainly the reason I know what happiness is again.

We just finished putting everything away and now we’re getting ready to relax after that long drive from Okinawa. “Wanna watch a movie?” Of course, I do but I pause to think. I don’t respond, instead I just pick up the remote and pick exactly what I want. It’s this movie about a kid that bullies a girl until she changes schools. He grows up and realizes the mistake he made, leading him to preparations for ending his life. Just before he jumps, though, he steps off that ledge and turns his life around. He apologizes to the girl he bullied, and they became friends. As time goes on, they fall in love and start dating. But only after she tries to take her own life. It’s a beautiful love story yet extremely sad at the same time, it always makes me cry.

“Do you want something from the kitchen? I’m grabbing myself something to drink.”

I smile at him and nod. He knows me so well. He knows my love for food. I pause the movie, so he doesn’t miss anything even though he’s already seen this movie time and time again with me. I pick up my phone to check on Aiko. She hasn’t messaged since her last drunken attempt. I worry a little, but I know she is on vacation, so I have nothing to worry about. I think about texting her just to check on her but before I have the chance to type anything, a message comes through. Hey girlie, just texting to say happy birthday and can’t wait to give you your present. I almost forgot she hasn’t said anything to me yet. She’s usually the first one to say something about it but I guess her vacation kept her busier than usual. I wonder what she got me for my birthday.

Some time has passed, and Yuri still hasn’t come back yet. I call out to him, but silence is the only response I receive. I get up with a sigh and start looking around the house, even though I still haven’t gotten used to the layout. I imagine he’s waiting around the corner in the closet to scare me. He loves surprises and he takes any chance to scare me. I can hardly manage the dark let alone him intentionally disappearing somewhere to jump out at me. I let him play his little games though, he loves it especially around Halloween. Last year, he decided to wear the most horrifying, gory mask and hid in the bathroom right after we finished a horror movie. He can be such an ass sometimes, but I love it.

I make my way into the kitchen and notice a couple drinks on the counter with a bowl of mochi. I stole a bite before I continued looking for him. Can’t engage in a manhunt with an empty stomach. Still chewing, I make my way to the sliding door that leads to the patio. I hadn’t taken the time to admire the surroundings, but as I stared out the sliding door, I noticed the Oasis that was hidden behind the house. The water is crystal clear with a small island right in the center. Even more, there’s a single sakura tree in full bloom at the center of this island. I almost forgot I was looking for Yuri. I still have no idea where he is. I walk through the house checking every room with no luck, so I check the driveway in hopes he’ll be there. I open the front door and I am welcomed not by a Yuri, but an extra car sitting next to our ride. This only confuses me more since I didn’t hear anyone pull up. I back into the house and close the door, and as I turn around…

“Surprise!”

Yurt and Aiko jump out from the closet with birthday hats and confetti poppers, making a huge mess and scaring the crap out of me.

“What? When did you get here? And why did you two have to scare me like that! I was worried sick looking for you, Yuri!”

They both just laugh and give me a hug with no explanation. We begin talking and Aiko tells me about how Yuri and she have been planning this for months now. She talks about how she took pictures of her vacation a couple of weeks ago and told me she would be gone when she really wasn’t. This day just keeps getting better and better. Having Aiko and Yuri here reminds me of how these two are my world now. Without them I’d be sitting alone at home eating instant ramen and frozen mochi watching the same movies over and over again. They saved me from my boring life in that tiny apartment.

Last night flew by and before we knew it, the sun was peeking over the horizon painting the sky pink and purple. We finished the movie we started before Aiko showed and then started three more. We almost ate the house dry with how much food we tore through last night. Yuri was fast asleep, and Aiko looked like she was on her way out too. I, however, was still wired from the car ride and all the excitement from last night. I ask aiko if she would like to sleep in the bedroom and she happily accepts. After I walked her to her room, I walked back to where Yuri is sprawled out on the couch snoring. I grab a blanket and flop down right next to him. In his sleep, he hugs me and pulls me closer to snuggle. Even in his sleep, he knows how to make me smile.

I grab my phone and start scrolling through YouTube looking for something to pass the time. He starts to mumble in his sleep, and he says something about a plan for me. I manage to gather something about walking around the lake out behind the cabin.

“This sounds like a wonderful plan, I can’t wait!”

Eggs. I can smell eggs cooking but it’s completely dark. I can’t hear anything, I can’t feel anything, but the smell of eggs is standing in the air. I’m completely lost. I don’t know where I am, I can’t speak. I try calling out to Yuri but it’s as if I have no voice. No sound comes out, not even breath. Complete emptiness.

“Izumi! Wake up, it’s time to eat!”

His voice lulls me awake to the sound of Sizzling bacon and that familiar smell of eggs. I was stuck in that nightmare again; it’s been happening more often. I don’t know where I’m at when it happens or what’s going on, but it scares me. Yuri has had trouble waking me from this nightmare before. Thankfully, this time, all it took was his voice and the beautiful smell of breakfast. He must have been awake long before me to have breakfast almost complete. As I’m still adjusting to the real world, he brings me a cup of coffee and gives me his good morning smile. I take a sip, stand up, and go to the table where he is putting our plates down.

“How did you sleep?” I haven’t the energy to respond, so I simply yawn and take another sip of coffee.

As we’re eating, I can’t help but notice that Aiko is still not out. I wonder what she’s up to today, but I don’t have the energy to ask. Yuri begins talking about what he has planned for us today, it all seems so wonderful.

“I haven’t seen Aiko this morning. Did she say she had plans today?”

I shook my head and kept eating. Usually, Aiko tells me when she’ll be out, but today she has left both of us in the dark. So instead, Yuri and I embark on our plans together without her.

We’ve finished breakfast and have gotten ready for the day. While I was getting ready, I glanced outside the front door window and notice that aiko’s car was gone. It gets me thinking because last night she was acting a bit weird. What could she be doing? She doesn’t usually do things like this, but hopefully she shows up soon, or at least texts me to let me know she’s all right.

“You ready to go?” He’s got the biggest smile on his face right now. He’s got a bag packed, shoes on, and is full of energy this morning, he’s already heading out the door.

“One sec, let me grab my shoes and we can go!”

I feel an ominous aura emanating from the lake. I can’t figure out why, so I finish lacing up my sneakers and take one last check of my bag before heading out the door. As I close it behind me, I feel a sharp thud across the nape of my neck before I black out.

The first thing on the list for us this morning was to go for a walk around the lake. Little did I know, we were headed somewhere else entirely, leaving me to ask the same question once again. Where are we going?