Beginning of the end
Trigger warning ⚠️
Jump”,the voice said,as I stared at the water.I was going to do it end it all,I felt numb as the cold air danced around my body the clothes on my body did nothing to shield me from the viscous cold breeze.Maybe I deserved it,the cuts on my hand didn’t give me the sweet release I craved nor did the liquor.
I was still trapped inside that dark hole,my mind was going crazy filled with thoughts I just wanted it stop.Was this my fate my destiny I was only 17 years old I barely lived but somehow I was going to end it.I sipped the alchol as it seeped down my throat its bitter comforting taste running through my body, I laughed.
I didn’t stop, I kept laughing had I finally gone mad,was I finally loosing my mind.Whatever it doesn’t matter now anyway I thought as I drank more of the bitter liquid,nothing matters not my father not my mother not my brother. It was all going to end,I was going to end it,I was tired and ready to give in ,to surrender.
I could picture it now 17 year old elisha adams found dead it is believed she committed suicide,would I be remembered,would people care. They wouldn’t they wouldn’t blink an eye at the news poor girl they would say but they wouldn’t she give a shit, why would they its not like they knew me I was ghost in this God forsaken town.
My mother cry though,she was the only person I really worried about I was sacred how she would take the news would she be even more broken that she already was.Who would come to my funeral there wasn’t much that would be said about my personality thats for sure I didn’t really have one.
I was dull boring,I was just a sad lonely depressed girl thats all there was to it.As I took the last sip of my drink I realised it was time,I couldn’t stall any longer the voices wouldn’t let me they first urged me on “do it”they chanted ,my demons screamed at me and I didn’t scream back whats the point anyway.
I looked at the water it looked calm,I wished for that peace.I can’t remember the last time I was happy I wondered sometimes if I had always been like this.Before them,before the drinking,the cutting,before him.I could only dream of such times,these demons were my only friend now and they would be with me untill the very end.
I was alone with my thoughts and that was never good beacase beating my demons was something I never could.I was rhyming now how fitting because I would face this bitter end it didn’t matter now. I did write a note as cliché as it sounds ,it didn’t say much it was for my mother.I told her I loved her and I wished she was stronger I told her I was ending it and I couldn’t fight no longer.
I left it under her pillow she would see it but it would’ve been too late now.I stood up I was ready to do it,it was time I took a deep breath I moved closer to the edge.
“Hey,you!you planning on jumping.“A voice said,I took a step back from the edge I was so startled I almost fell.I was shaking not from the cold but from fear.Why was I scared I wanted to die I was ready to do it,so why is my heart beating so fast.It seemed I couldn’t even do anything right I was a coward a fake.
“hey I’m talking to you or you dumb or something.“the voice said.I turned around I was starting to feel dizzy the alcohol taking effects on me.“who..the ..hell are ..you.“I slurred,I was drunk out of my mind .My eyes were blurry from the tears I cried I was pathetic maybe I should just jump right now.
“Ezra,who are you, what you doing out here.“he said.“none of you business leave me alone.“I said turning back around.I wasn’t going to be distracted anymore I was going to do it.I stood back on the edge of the bridge ready to jump off,“get down you idiot,do you want to die.“he said pulling me from the edge.
Yes I wanted to die why wouldn’t he leave me alone,“shit”I said as I suddenly felt sick.I hurled vomiting,I felt bad after I finished I stood there crying I was sad.All I wanted to do was die was that too much to ask.“hey stop crying you’ll be alright.“he said.That was the last thing I heard before it all when black.
Quiet,was I finally dead.
