vent

Sometimes when you sit alone for a bit you can really think about your life and what happened in the past. sometimes it stings because you know its there but you don't wanna face whatever it is that is the core of it. sometimes you have no reason to be sad..but you just kinda are. your filled with this sadness that eats at you bit by bit you give in because you don't exactly know what to do. when things start going well you kinda forget about it. right? like your smiling and happy but then when you sit in your room alone even for a moment..it hits. You don't cry or yell you sit there on your bed. You wanna scream and you wanna cry but when you try, nothing happens. Just you in your room. Alone. It hurts regardless but for me my main thing that hurts is my heart. I have many reasons as to why this is for me. I mean im literally falling apart. Im on medication, I have a brother and a girlfriend..but it still hurts. Im waiting for them to leave still even though ive known my girlfriend for 3+ years and have known my brother for a little over a year. They are great but they cant save me from my head. I cant stop thinking about them leaving because usually everyone leaves you know? like its inevitable and there isnt a damn thing i can do about it. No matter how many kisses or hugs or dap ups i get. They are going to leave one day. I know they say they won't but i think they will. And ill let them because I want them to be happy THEY deserve happiness..maybe i dont anymore. Ive fucked up so many times and even though im hurting i dont talk about it anymore. I think i talk about myself too much. Im kinda getting tired of waking up. its the same old shit different day.