Journal & Kingdom

“I’ve seen it, that much I will say. My dream. A kingdom, unlike all others. And its name was… well I am not sure myself. It has existed for so long, that somehow its own name was forgotten. Perhaps this kingdom and I have much in common. I cannot quite put it into words, but this place… draws me close. It lures me in, but why?

My mind is devoid of its integrity… broken into pieces. I am uncertain of who I am or what compels me so much to come here. Wandering, these vague lands, I feel called forth, compelled. It hurts to acknowledge it but before this very moment, I am unsure of all that came before. Hopefully, in those eternal ruins, I will find something to make me whole.”

“When I last spoke, I was up on the hills. I could see the kingdom only another day of travel away. On the foot of the hills, I found a village. Its only inhabitant welcomed me with kindness. An old, lonely figure. He told me I stepped foot on Mistymaw, a stonewashed villa. Its houses were simple and small, with a taste for spherical architecture. I asked him “Elder. Why do you remain here, alone?”. With his kind voice, he answered “What else is there? This is a peaceful and simple end.”

I felt furious to be quite honest. But with respect, I still pushed him, “End? But good sir, the kingdom just ahead of you! It has wonders, treasures, and miracles of all kinds! Who is to say that its inhabitants cannot save you and give you new life?” Sitting idly on his comfortable, yet cold, home he replied with certainty, “Traveler, what is to say that you will find something in there? Perhaps you do not know of it yet, but that kingdom is the destination of many like yourself. They all passed me, claiming for glory and riches. They dive into the abyss and never come back. Their dreams have swallowed them whole and they lost it all. You will be meet with anarchy and madness. Try and stay here, maybe you will overcome your desires…”

How utterly stubborn we both are. As much as I understood his warning, I could not stop myself. I must see it. But he was right, that old relic. I wonder how many warriors, with their armors and weapons, were overwhelmed. How many scholars, with their arcane knowledge and wisdom, were outsmarted… And now, me. With nothing but my stained, old blade and this journal, will face an everlasting civilization. But I must see it. I will face the challenge, the horrors. To dive into ruin is to abandon reason. But I must see it. I simply must.”

“I bid farewell to Mistymaw’s only citizen. And to fulfill my ego, I promised him I would return. But if I do return, I will make sure to apologize to him. Maybe then he will think that dreams are not such miserable things to have. I think it is within reason to assume that I am already inside the land. There have been plenty of signs in this blue and grey landscape of dirt and stone. The language in them is beyond me. Symbols that did not resemble letters like these that I give shape. How amusing to communicate with symbols instead of words… have they been talking to me?

The larger towers and structures are still away. Even from afar, I could tell, a crimson cloud casts its darkness over it. I assume that is the heart of the kingdom. And these must be the roads that circulate it. I see carriages and plenty of life. Plant life. The pale vegetation that grows over the corpses of the fallen tells me that things have been quiet for a long time. I have been hearing things too. Upon looking around, I found an amusing little thing. Their currency was a small orb. I thought to myself how inconvenient it would be to carry hundreds of these around, but it seemed that they were smarter than me. The orbs glowed in different colors, indicating how much they were worth. So clever, so eloquent. What other stories does it have to tell me…?”

“I came across my first challenge not long ago. As I went deeper into the crossroads, I saw a large creature, trice my size. It stalked the path, looking for another prey. It walked on all fours. Its pale bones piercing out of its own body, twirling around and then digging themselves back into him. Its skin darker than the blackest day and his skull, exposed on purpose, acting like a fearsome helmet. Its eyes will probably haunt me in my sleep tonight. The white light it emitted made me question my sanity.

Well, I was already doubtful of my integrity. That surely did not help. When I looked at it, I was compelled to call it. To orchestrate my demise. I felt the urge to give myself to it. It managed to snatch two of my fingers with its jaws. But I stood strong.

I managed to avoid it, it seemed as it found better prey somewhere else. And so, I parted ways, hopefully forever, with the beast. Writing with fewer fingers is quite challenging. Curse that monster. But in my clash, I lost track of my surroundings, I now find myself in the walls of the city. Perhaps I didn’t lose myself after all.”

“The city’s walls were tall, hardened, and quite beautiful, honestly. They had this deep ocean color to them, with swirly violet patterns all over. I wondered how I would cross them to enter what seemed to be the city’s capital. As I sat there on the rubble, gazing endlessly towards the gates, I was meet with a most strange group. A caravan of a dozen or so individuals. For such a vivid bunch, it concerned me how they managed to catch me in a daze.

Thankfully before I could fear for my life, they made themselves noticeably clear as being a group of goodwill and kindred spirits. They were marked with white and red sigils, all over their bodies and faces. A ritual of sorts? They carried lanterns and flags on high poles. The men and women, all happy to come across me. They asked if I would like to join them in their mission. To which I kindly replied no, as I was only stranded here, because of the gates. I also knew better to not give in to their cult so blindly. At least I am not that far gone.

One of the women, in all her ritualistic glory, approached me with a rather disturbing smile. “We pray for the ruin of this kingdom traveler; you too should sing praise for its destruction! The King and its subjects deserve that much!”. I replied, “How so?”. “It is a simple truth! The heart of dreams and nightmares craves it! We all do! Come with us! Until the end!”

The woman and her band all seemed disappointed with me when I refused. She walked towards one of her own, a man carrying some heavy luggage. From him, she took a medallion of sorts. “A key for your own euphoria, go on!” she said, handing over the seal to me. I avoided asking the most obvious question and thanked them for their help. They spoke their goodbyes, continuing their path, singing songs, and sharing joy. Some are truly content with their realities. When faced with nothingness, should I be as well? Isn’t this what I wanted?”

“City of Earthly Rain. That is what the capital should be called. After all, there is a phantom ocean underneath it, where the water rains towards the sky. WHO WOULD PICK SUCH A PLACE FOR A CITY? But I do enjoy the rain… I wonder how much time it took for the citizens to get used to the rain every time they walked out of their homes. Speaking of the buildings, they are much taller than I thought. I entered one of them to see it thoroughly from the inside.

Oh, how comfortable they were. All the windows displayed that stormy landscape. What beautiful sight it must have been; at night, with all the buildings lighting up. The rain on your windows as you gather with your familiars. But now…

Now, there is no comfort. I saw blood, cracked walls, and broken windows. There is nothing. Outside, stricken by the cold rain once more, I found something very much worthy of note. A statue. On its slate, the same holographic language that I understood nothing of. It appears to be their King, standing around seven individuals. His crown was broken into seven pieces.

Why should they be remembered even though, the ruins of this place indicate their failure? Perhaps all who came before me had no right to judge. If so, I will not be the first. Of course, memories and dreams are similar things. I only wished that their stories could be told to me.”

“I spent a good deal of time thinking about it. That city kept calling me. It was something else. Before I lose track of my notes, I moved past the city. Deeper into the kingdom, I found another livid character. She called herself Celestial. I forgot to ask. She was… how can I put it… dead. But not quite. She was more bone then woman, but she was still recognizable. Her wild bronze hair, her red lips, and yellow hunter eyes.

She was feasting on quite the meal. I wondered if she made it herself and she said that she did. I was struck with a sense of danger because I did not ask her that question. She then apologized and invited me to join her. I was quite hungry, so I accepted. That large table separated us, so I felt as safe as I could have been in this place. Oh yes, before I dwell on Celestial’s banquet, I have to say, this part of the kingdom makes me think of reasons behind its demise. The dirt is dry and grey. The air is arid and smells horrible. As if the kingdom rotted and withered away. It was awful.

Celestial and I had a rather nice conversation. I asked what her dream was. This living corpse was alone in a such terrible place, delightfully having a meal by herself. Strange, at the bare minimum. “I dream of a satisfying world! We all must dream to eat!” she’d say. I could not recognize any of it as food. “Eat?” I asked. “Consume and don’t be consumed! Yes! Then we will be happy! We must do what we want!”

I know. She must have gone mad. That is what I thought until she said this, “A dream is only a desire. Like hunger, we will run out of it and crave more. But you must be realistic wanderer, what is there for you to eat? Where will you draw the line between the dream and the hunger?”

“I crossed the Abyss. That is what I named the area. That dark desert… how could it even be part of the kingdom? Celestial was nice enough and pointed me to some views. She was persistent that I took the road to the castle. The ultimate destination. Now I know where I must go. While I traveled, I thought about what she said to me. What is there for me to eat? If my dream came true, would I crave more? Would I be hungry for another dream?

Would I be consumed?”

“If this was the world’s greatest kingdom. How did it fall? Why did it fall? Where were its knights? Its forces? Its King? The entire place seems beyond ruin. Forgotten from the memory of all who still live. Aside from the crossroads, there is no life. All the plants, animals… from the City of Grounded Rain onward, I have met only death. Celestial herself seemed minutes from her final smile. Everything is lost. A strange but powerful emotion came over me at that moment. “What is the worth of the things that passed?”

Only the nothingness remains. Which brings me back to the Caravan. They pray for the death of a dead kingdom. But as I thought about it, I was attacked. A man carrying a lantern threw powder at me. A white powder, that when it hit the ground, made it die. I do not know how to describe it. The dirt got drier, greyer. Afraid and furious I took out my blade and attacked the man. He seemed weak to resist and his body fell, with my sword in its chest.

It burned momentarily, but thankfully; the powder of the lantern did not harm me.”

“The Great White Castle and the Red Cloud Above. I believe that my ability to name these places has only been getting better since I have started. Well, it cannot be quite called a castle; it seemed as if many towers just erupted out of the earth from the same spot. But all points to this place being the King’s Palace. I have been carrying the lantern of that man from earlier. It is quite comforting.

The deathly powder came from the flame of the lantern. The white flame somehow created it. Inside the fire, another, even paler flame. I carefully touch it. The white fire was hot. The pale flame within was cold. The powder kills what it touches, but I was immune to it. It made me warm. These howling winds and necrotic land are harsher than the evilest winter. But the lantern made me warm.”

“I have been wandering in this castle for some time now. No life on sight, that was not surprising. But there are memories in this place. I can feel it. The halls are empty, but I see them full. It is so quiet; I could hear the flow of my blood. But I also heard laughter. My eyes and ears are consumed by the memories of a better time. I must be losing it once and for all.”

“I see the murals and paintings. The King. The Queen. The Knights. The Scholars. The Auditors. Their wise, focused gazes made me feel inferior. Such greatness. Where could I find it? Now, in this fading world, where could I find it…

That livid corpse was right after all. Maybe… I’ve already been consumed.”

“I think I understand it now. Searching the corners of the castle, it all makes sense. A war waged between The King and the Lantern. The King symbolizing all the kingdom. The Lantern, being the symbol of the enemy. The powder, a poison, was thrown over the kingdom. It was a weapon meant to kill The King. Something so deadly, I wondered how they fought against it.

If they fought at all.”

“The Palace was taller than it was wider. Its erupted towers seem to reach into the infinite. And so, I went up. Towards the peak of the palace. I am sorry, my journal, but it seems my dream will not come true. There is truly is nothing left here. Was it all worthless? Perhaps not… If it were worth nothing, it would not have seduced me so intensely.

The atmosphere of this place, of its land. It is overwhelming. Is my existence worth more because I get to experience this? The lives of the corpses I saw, were they worth more for having experienced it, in its prime? Were their dreams, greater? Did they achieve their dreams, at all? Maybe there is no answer. Maybe… there should be no answer. As if a worthless wanderer like me could decide.

I only know what this realm has allowed me to know. The King was driven away from his palace. As the conflict with the Lantern Bearers raged on, his allies protected him. They sacrificed their lives to keep their King whole. Such audacity. A king should die with its people. At the very least, amidst the failure and ruin, he did not abandon them.

But this King has been driven away. Set to walk the earth and only when the land thrives once more, return. Only when the threat of the Lanterns was vanquished and buried. If so, it seems he was never meant to return. Why must this happen… my body shivers, knowing that in someplace out there, the King still wanders around. The lanterns seem all gone. Perhaps I killed the last of them, not long ago.

Nameless Kingdom, there is little I could do for you, but now you can rest easy. I have ridden you of your enemies. There is no need to feel fear anymore. Let this be a token of my gratitude and our relationship. Perhaps now, well, you can stop treating me like another fool… It’s only a thought, you don’t have to dwell on it.”

“Maybe I was mistaken about the powder, my journal. My skin is cracking. Painfully so.”

“This is the summit of the kingdom. Away from the ground, the city, the roads, the desert, and the clouds. A cave. Caverns that rested in the sky, above the towers. I find myself stoic. I thought I would be happier. Chasing this dream, surrounded by silence, I have little left in me. But I found it, journal. I found it.”

“I’ve seen it, that much I will say. My dream. It was a kingdom, unlike all others. Now on its edge, I found what I came to see. A blue lake, inside these sky caves. I have been captured, raptured by its beauty. The sand, soft, beneath me, as I sit on its edge. Oh, it is beautiful. The lake… it is blue.

Blue.

Beautiful.”

“I was told that dreams, like hunger, never crawl away. They would stay with me and consume me forever until I rotted. But here I am. Satisfied. If I knew that I could so easily fulfill my hidden wishes, would I still have walked the longest path… had I given up, never would I know how something so hollow could me make me so whole.

These caves were explored by the King, to find something he had dreamed off once. The King made it into a resting spot for himself. He came here only once. He admired its beauty, letting himself be taken away. All his worries and doubts, thrown into the lake. Then he never returned, and the place was sealed off. Only he could find it again. Only he could enter.

The powder in the lantern took its time killing the ones of higher royalty. The populace, like the dirt, withered away swiftly. The King and its followers suffered for longer. Such a ruined world with broken dreams and unfinished lives. What joy is there to find it? But the caravan was happy. I was happy too. Something so cruel as to view the remains of a beautiful life. Should I be so happy? Do I have the right?

The old man told me that the abyss swallowed all who entered it. Their dreams led them to their demise. So how come I get to see this. The end that awaited him was pleasant and peaceful, that is what he said. I would not mind having my end here. Dreams are not such miserable things after all. I wish I could tell you that.

Twice I have seen it. Twice it made me whole. All those dreams, stories, smiles, thoughts, and heartaches. How could anyone leave it all behind? How could I let the wind carry it away? This existence is trying to pull it away from memory. I will not let it be. My dream is to live these memories. Please allow me to… please, I wish to live with these memories. I want to carry them on. All of it.

I know, I know. It is selfish of me to have another dream… I am not even worthy to see this lake again. But as I write this, I see that my hand is scarred. It is withering away. I feel weak. I have always been weak. But I am content. To live such a life and to experience it all, once more. Hopefully, there will much more for the ones that come after me. How can it be? Will it ever cease to be this wonderful?

My people, I have returned. I am here to see you off, as all light grows dimmer. I will not abandon you again.

All my thoughts and desires. And what I get in return is the sight of the blue lake. All my dreams and struggles. And what I get is the cathartic silence of a lonesome journey.

I enjoy it.

I enjoy it very much.

Incredible.”