Timeless

Laughter and smiles,

That’s all I ever was,

With him by my side.

From the early days of my life,

He was a pillar in the home I built around me.

He was my dawn and dusk with every passing day.

He was a part of my existence.

And the only one who could draw,

A million stars on everything he loved about me.

I found a home, in a heart that knew only to bring laughter to my days.

As we sat side by side in school,

We laughed over the craziness school life made us feel.

As we sat side by side in college,

We laughed over the weird happenings life threw at us.

But as it had always been,

We faced the trials,

With laughter on our faces,

Side by side.

Childhood was him.

It was engulfed by our talks, laughs and hide-outs.

It was engulfed by the pranks we pulled, the classes we skipped, the tales we spun.

It was engulfed by adventures, long walks and child-play.

We grew with time.

Always together. Always attached by each other’s side.

Just with laughter as our connection,

We grew closer together.

Our hearts were bonded in more ways than one.

Love was the language we listened to but never spoke of.

We were together always, there was no second thought to it.

And just like that,

There was no second thought to the belief,

That he and I, are meant together.

Like the sun belongs to the sky.

Like the water is always, always what makes up most of the ocean.

There was no second thought to us. We were simply meant to be.

But maybe it’s because the sun does leave every dusk. And the ocean is not only just the water.

Maybe the happiness he exuded always made me so high,

And maybe the laughter we shared made me blind to everything else.

And that’s why, the circle we had drawn, what we wrapped us around to keep us in, it cracked.

For one day, he had to leave.

He had to move oceans away.

He had to leave. Or maybe I was left behind.

His parents separated. And he had to accompany his mother.

What could I say to that?

What could I say, when all our lives we had laughter as our language?

When now, I couldn’t laugh at the thought of letting him go?

The day he left, he told me, what we shared was just one of the few things that made up his life.

I was happy. But I broke.

Broke because, he made up my life. He was not an option among others.

And maybe that’s why, he could leave without looking back.

Because he had a million things to look forward to.

While here I was, holding on to him as my only thread to dear life.

And just like that, my carelessly painted canvas that was perfect, ripped away.

Laughter did not sound and if it did, it only broke my heart in more ways than one.

There was no together anymore.

The home I built, came crashing down.

It came crashing into a million pieces and a part of me was lost forever.

Seconds flowed to minutes. Minutes to hours.

My endless days turned to months. And all those months flew by so fast.

And yet, the nights never ended.

It only grew longer and darker with every passing day.

It grew colder without his warm presence and light-hearted smiles,

A deafening silence prevailed without the echoes of his laughter.

It grew worse and worse.

The emptiness he left behind, hurt so much.

It tore me apart from inside out.

A pain I never felt before.

And yet,

I hoped he would return.

It kept me going.

It was the only thing that kept me going.

I wanted to see his smile.

I yearned for his laughter.

I missed his thoughtful talks and kind words that always felt like home.

But he had taken it all along with him to that faraway place.

What hurt more than him leaving was,

He never looked back.

He never took a pause.

He never stuttered as he said it.

It was just as easy to cut off a thread as to cut me off from his life.

Like I was a loose hanging thread that had only a few preciously counted days by his side.

It’s been years now.

So many long, slow years have flown by.

Now, looking beyond the horizon every dawn I wonder,

Will life ever feel as complete as it had been with him?

Will the circle we had drawn, could it ever again be patched up to hold us in?

More than anything at all,

Will I ever get to hear his laughter that had brought such light and love to my life?

Maybe I don’t yearn for him in the heartbreaking way as I did years past,

But at least once more,

I need to see him.

I need to hear from him.

I need to know why.

For there are days now,

That my heart pains in a way I cannot describe.

For there are days now,

My eyes still search for someone without realising.

For there are days now,

I wish at least a few words had been exchanged in this vast ocean of time we have left behind us,

without each other.

It all feels like a bygone era.

A period of such light, it feels so surreal and almost impossible to have ever happened.

And yet,

I keep waiting for him.