TRUST

Walking out of my family’s apartment, I turn back and wave goodbye to my younger brother who was scared to come outside, because our grandmother freaked him out the last he was on the back patio.

“Grandma, what's that?” he questioned a few days ago, pointing at a bug on the table.

“An earwig, chickity”

“What does it do? Does it fly? Does it live in the ground? What's up with its name?”

“Oh, you want to know why it's called an earwig?” she had asked, “well, they crawl into your head through the ear with all those tiny, crawly legs and eat your brains like a zombie, obviously.”

And with that he ran inside screaming and crying, hiding under the blankets on the couch beside me.

It was rude and I’m still a little pissed off about it. I lock the door and make my way to the basketball court in the middle of the apartment complex. It was a nice summer day and school was soon to start, so my friends and I are making do with the time we had left before we had to go back to the prison of torture we call middle school.

Alex was the first to notice me walk up, even though he was in the middle of making a shot. He still made it, which wasn’t really surprising because his whole world revolved around basketball. He trained day and night. Once, she wanted to look at the stars and had snuck out, only to see him sweating, panting, pivoting, shooting, and breaking imaginary players' ankles.

“Hey, Clover! Are you joining the next game or are you going to sit around and doodle in your diary again?” He asked, a teasing look on his face.

“First off it's not a diary, it’s a songbook. Second, I was planning on beating your ass a few times today.” I say raising an eyebrow to add to my flirtatious smirk, “that is if you’re up for it.”

Snatching the ball from his hands, the hoop to my back, I throw it over my shoulder. When I hear the satisfying swish of the basket, I bump his shoulder playfully as I walk past him and smile at the rest of our friends. They all know I like him, and yet, he just doesn’t seem to get the hints. I give each Anthony and Luke a hug, then walked up and kissed Lucy on the cheek. It’s something we have done for years, practically being sisters and all. When most people see it they think we’re gay so we don’t do it as often as we used to, but I like to show her I care on most occasions.

My friends resume their game and I sit on the bench opening my songbook. I have had this since I was eight years old. I started to write a song but when I read it over I realized I had accidentally been writing a love song. The funniest part about it was, I’ve never loved somebody romantically. Sure I’ve had a few boyfriends and a crush here and there, but I haven’t loved any of them like I’m making this song in my notebook sound. Hell, I don't even know if love actually exists or if it's just some make-believe fairy tale! I love my family and those I consider family. My crush on Alex is exactly that. A crush.

“Oi!” a boy's deep voice called.

“Oi?” I ask him but when I looked up there were two of them. Both blond and handsome. If I had to be real for a second I have to admit they are breathtaking. Both look dashing with the same bright smile and shaggy blonde hair, but each had a different eye color. The one on the left had blue eyes as bright as a summer sky, while the one on my right had hazel-ish eyes with green, brown, and seemingly gold mixed in towards his irises.

“Aye, lass,” the one on the left said, Irish accent laid down think. And all of a sudden my heart started missing beats here and there.

“Oh, your Irish? That's cool and your accent is beyond awesome. I’m Clover, nice to meet you,” the word vomit just spitting out of my mouth. I stand up and walk over to them but trip on a root from a tree nearby. I really don’t want to make a fool of myself in front of these guys but I just can't help it. My arms are waving around like I’m trying to fly and the face I’m making is a mix of cringing and laughter as I nearly faceplant. Only, I don’t have the chance to faceplant as two arms catch me with my face five inches away from the concrete.

“You know, clovers are supposed to be lucky, grá. Especially four-leafed ones,” the one who was previously on the right says as he steadies me and bends down to grab something off the floor. Standing back to his full height—I’d say they’re roughly around five-ten—he motions for my wrist. I lift it and let shock color my features as he re-ties the four-leafed clover bracelet my mother got me when I was three years old.

Without thinking, I leap back into his arms whispering “thank you” into the crook of his neck repetitively. When I was sure I wouldn’t cry, I let go.

“Thank you, so much. I would die if I didn’t have this bracelet. It’s very special to me and if I had lost it, well, it would be like losing a part of my soul.”

“No problem,” he says “my name’s Declan and this is my brother Finn. We moved here a few days ago and decided to get our arses out of the house and see what the place is like.” he smiled, flashing a dimple. When I looked at Finn, he was wearing the same smile, just without the dimple.

“Well, I have to get back to my friends. See you around?”

“Sure grá, see you around” Declan winked

Behind him, Finn rolled his eyes at his brother then flashed a teasing smile, “soon you’ll be able to see the differences between us,” and then they continued down the path they were walking down. She started to walk back to the bench when she stopped dead in her tracks.

Love. That's what Declan had been calling me. My father is Irish and though I don't like him enough to visit him, call him, or even look at him, I was still interested in the Irish culture, and I knew enough of the language to know what grá meant. I shook my head and continued my way to the court. The game had just finished by the time I got there.

“Yo Clover! Ready for one-on-one? You versus me?” Alex calls out wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. And now I get to beat his ass for the diary comment earlier.

“Bring it on, dickhead.”

“Clover! Clover! Did an earwig eat your brains out?” Aidan yelled as I walked in through the door around eight o’clock…in the morning. Well, it would have been last night if I hadn’t agreed to go to the dinner Alex was having with his family. They invited me and I accepted. I hadn’t anticipated them partying the whole night through. Every time I tried to leave, Alex turned into a shameless flirt who kept wanting to dance with me, hold my hand, joke around, tease me, and once or twice he had hugged me!

I couldn’t say no to him, and his dancing was actually quite nice, so he kept giving me a reason to stay. I can’t even begin to imagine how my mother and grandmother are going to react, that is, if they don't go on first instinct and murder me in my sleep.

The thought of sleep made me smile. I wanted nothing more than to pass out on the couch, my cozy bed, or even now on the floor.

“No Spence, bugs did not eat my brain.”

“Are you sure? Grandma said you don’t know when it’s happening because you just get a simple headache. Does your head hurt?” I shook my head in response but I was lying. My head hurt because of the lack of sleep. Not because a damn bug crawled up into my brain to fucking feast.

“Yeah, bud. I’m sure.”

“You look tired.”

“I am. It’s been a long night.”

“Well I can make a bed on the floor and we can do a movie marathon…even if I’m the only one watching the movies. It will give you time to sleep!”

“That sounds nice, stink face. Let me go change into some pj’s and I’ll be right out,” I wink at him. I’m lucky to have someone like him there for me, someone who’s always in my corner and has my back. I walk to the bedroom Aidan and I share and pull off my shirt. I toss a different one on that 6 sizes too big and change into a pair of plaid pajama pants.

Walking back out into the living room, I see tons of blankets and pillows piled up, some are laid out, and Spence is just sitting in the middle of his nest with the remote in his hand. Damn that boy works fast. Mom and grandma must have thought I was home and had gone to work last night. My mom works overnight at Walmart and my grandmother works the night shift at Columbia. I should have come home last night. I left Spence here all alone last night.

With guilt hitting me hard, I scoop him up into my arms and cuddle him to death, holding him close and as tight as I can before sleep makes my eyes go heavy. They close for all of two seconds as my mom and grandmother argue as they both bustle into the apartment.

This argument sounds like a matter of my uncle. Apparently, Grandma keeps trying to reach out to him but the only one person he’ll talk to is Mother, and it’s clearly starting to piss my grandmother off. He went away to start his music career not too long ago— and we’re all proud of him— it’s just, it’s been a while since anyone has had any true contact with him.

I decide to ignore their argument and cuddle up to Aidan again, in hopes of getting some rest. Aidan turns up the TV to drown the argument out and I drift off to sleep. Even though I thought I would be dreaming of Alex, Declan came into my dreams instead. I don't believe in fate and destiny but at this moment I kind of wish I did. His being on my mind after meeting him just yesterday made me feel like there was going to be something more between us. That soon the world would just fade away and I’d be able to give my heart enough hope to believe in love. If only life were that simple…