Chapter 1
"I just dont understand. Don't you believe in love? Don't you want to be in love?" Mom asks me for the millionth time in my life.
Sighing I stand and help her clear the table from dinner. I wish that I could lie to her. Or even tell her the truth. The truth that I buried three years ago.
"I'm just saying it's not something I'm holding out on. I'm only eighteen. I just graduated mom."
"Caroline, I love you but I don't understand you." She sighs drying her hands on the towel.
It isn't the first time she has said this to me. It won't be the last. She may have birthed and raised me but we are two totally opposite people when it comes to love.
I used to want what her and my father have. I used to adore it. But that was before. Before I learned life isn't fair. Before I learned fairytales don't exist. Love is an anomoly.
Instead of arguing I head to my room for the last time. The summer seemed to fly by without a second thought. Tomorrow I will be an official med student. I'm both excited and scared shitless.
I shut my curtains and crawl into my queen sized bed. Sleep takes a while to come as usual but once it does I drift away to another place where my mother isn't trying to dictate my love life every chance that she gets.
"Caroline!" She calls.
"Coming mother." I mutter taking the stairs two at a time.
"Your father is waiting. Call me when you get settled. I love you." She says kissing my cheek.
"I love you, mom. Try not to worry so much." At that she rolls her eyes.
I grew up on the east coast so going west triggers my mother. I am their only child so I understand but even my father agrees time apart will do us both some good.
He has put up with a lot of quarrels between my mother and I over the years. After that year though things got worse. Nobody asks. Nobody tells. These things just happen. I've never allowed myself a second to doubt my choices back then. Second guessing is dangerous.
I meet dad outside and climb into the volvo already warmed. He smiles reassuringly and squeezes my knee. The drive to the airport is only half an hour but I'll take it.
He tells me about his first year at college and we laugh. That's where he and my mother met. Been together twenty years now. I used to ask why they never had more children. They always smiled and said they did perfectly fine with me.
They are good parents. I got lucky. I had friends in school that weren't as lucky as I was. I love them with everything that I am. I just wish they respected that not everyone believes in the kind of love that they have.
Most marriges fail. Relationships fail. It's a statistic somewhere. I would rather put my energy into something far more efficent. That is why I decided to become a doctor. I can help people with life threatining situations. I can remain detatched.
We get to the air port and dad gets out. He hugs me much longer than my mother but I don't mind. We have always been closer.
"Call often. Visit us whenever you can. But take care of yourself Caroline. Life is short."
"I will dad." I smile, kissing his cheek. I wave one last time before heading to my flight. It's already boarding. In about five hours I will be at my new dorm. My bags should have arrived yesterday. I only packed what was completely neccessary. Something else my mother didn't understand. I have always believed that less is more.
I settle into my seat on the plane and stare out the window as it takes off. I love flying. Being a blip in the sky headed somewhere better. Exciting. New.
I don't sleep a wink. We land at 5 o'clock in the afternoon and I take it in. California.
My taxi waits for me at the gate and I get in giving the address of the university. The ride isn't long surprisingly. I tip generously and head to my dorm. It's on the opposite side of campus which will be a hassle but it's closest to the shops over here which is the silver lining.
I stop to a shack and grab a slice of pizza before going to my dorm. I see my stuff organized on the right side of the room. The left sides bare. No room mate. Either way is fine with me. I decide to unpack.
By 9 I'm finished and I call home to let my parents know I have settled in just fine. I tell them I don't have a roomate yet and that classes don't start for another two days. We exchange goodnights and I crawl into bed exhausted from the travel and unpacking.
I wake at 5 the next morning and head to the showers. Nobody seems to be awake yet. That or nobodys come yet. I like to be ahead of the game. I dress and apply minimum makeup before heading to my room. I grab my wallet and keys before heading out. I figure today I can get a lay of the land.
By five in the afternoon my feet hurt and I'm sunburnt. I head back to my dorm in time to see a girl unpacking her side of the room.
"Hey." She smiles but it reeks of nervousness.
"Hey. I'm Caroline." I smile sitting on my bed.
"Sage." She nods going back to putting her clothes in the dresser.
"What's your major?" I ask glancing around the small room.
"Investigator. Criminology."
"Med student."
"Look at us. Very ambitious." She jokes and I find myself laughing along with her.
We chat for a bit and order thai food before turning in. She reveals she is infact nervous to be so far away from home but also excited to persue her dreams.
I confide in her that it's a breath of fresh air to be so far away from where I grew up. I fall asleep optomistic that we will get along just fine.
