Judgement

“...Baby, you’re a firework...Come on, let your colors burst…” I almost fell as I stepped off the metro, from swinging my head around too much. My headphones slipped off my ears a little, so I readjusted, looked around to make sure no one saw me almost lose a foot. Jumped off, just as the doors were closing, and made my way toward the escalator. A man in a full 3 piece business suit almost knocked me into a pole when he hit me full on. He didn’t even stop to say he was sorry or

‘Excuse me’ or anything. There weren’t that many people around. It wasn’t rush time hour or anything like that. Yet, this guy was in such a hurry, he ran into one of the only other people in the whole station. Some people are just so rude. I stomped my feet off the escalator at the top. I was contemplating the downfall of humanity until I saw an average looking guy handing money to a homeless man. My faith was restored briefly. Then I heard a crunch and screaming as a wreck happened on the street and the two drivers got out and started yelling at each other.

“Delete, Move to Business, Delete, Delete, Check, Check, Check, Add to Task List…” Work is going to be endless today. I’m already tired, and I’m not even there yet. I hope I don’t get anything else added to my to-do list today. “Ring…” I answered my phone, and it was the hospital calling to tell me my wife was having the baby. I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. I started pacing. I had to get to the hospital. I’ve got to get there. I started racing toward the escalator. I bumped into someone, but I didn’t stop. I had to get there fast. I didn’t have time to slow down for anything. My mind was racing. I almost tripped over a homeless man that was bent down petting a dog. He was right in the middle of the walkway. Why would he just be sitting there like that? I raced across the street, and jumped over the hood of a car, dodged a bike messenger. I heard a crash behind me, but I kept going. I had to get to the hospital.

The money felt hot in my pocket. I shouldn’t have taken it. I was desperate, but I shouldn’t have taken it. It wasn’t right. I felt sick to my stomach. I couldn’t feel this way anymore. I had to get rid of it. I looked around to see where I could stash it. There was a girl getting off the escalator coming out of the metro. There was a man in a business suit racing around in circles like a nut. There was a homeless man sitting on the curb. Perfect. I walked over the homeless man and handed him the cash. It wasn’t my problem anymore. I’ll never have to worry about it, again. I heard a crash in the street, and it spooked me. I jumped, and smiled at the guy one last time before backing away and drifting into the crowd. Didn’t want to stand out too much. Just a normal guy walking down the street.

It feels awkward to be sitting on the street, but when you have nowhere else to go, any spot can be made your own. I’ve been sitting in this same spot every day for the last 4 years. It’s one of the only spots in the city where I don’t get kicked out. And once in a while someone lends a helping hand. I watched a young girl, a man in a suit and in a hurry, and many other people get off the train, one at a time. I watched and waited. Waited for the one that would let me eat today. From the other side, a man tapped my shoulder and gave me a fistful of money. He was an average looking guy, nothing special. It’s always the ones that don’t have anything themselves that give the most. I got up to go get myself a sandwich. Somewhere cheap and won’t kick me out. Just as I stepped off the curb, two cars crashed into each other and slid to the side of the road. If that man hadn’t given me the money to go eat, I still would have been sitting there. I continued on to the food shack. After my brown paper sack was handed to me, I looked for a spot out of the way and away from the tables and the people. I found a cluster of trees on the edge of the park, and sat down to eat. About my third bite in, I heard a whimper. I lifted my gaze to a golden retriever that was caked in mud and overgrown clots of hair. I thought about my good fortune and wondered if I didn’t pass it on if I wouldn’t be so lucky the next time. I tossed the dog my sandwich. After he finished gulping it down, he slowly crept toward me with his head bowed and his eyes raised. My hands couldn’t get any dirtier, so why not pet the dog? Guess I have a new tagalong now. Maybe he can help us get more food, later.

Store for groceries, school to pick up the kids, soccer practice, then home to cook dinner. I glanced in my rearview mirror. What is that kid doing? He’s going to hit me! *CRASH* Oh no! What are you doing?! I gasped and slammed the door as I got out. “Hey!”

A guy in a suit popped out of nowhere, jumping over cars and knocking a bike messenger over. I swerved to miss him, and then ended up hitting this soccer mom in front of me. Our cars connected and geared off toward the curb. There was a blanket and some sacks of cans sitting there. Sure glad some person just left it there and wasn’t sitting there anymore. Oh great, this lady is yelling at me, now.

I found my spot under my favorite tree in the park and settled in. I saw the homeless man from earlier feeding his sandwich to the dog and playing with him. He was dirty and scroungy, but still adorable. The next track on my playlist came on. The rumor mill had been running at school all day. That’s why I was having such a bad day and needed some alone time with music. I hope that guy that was in such a hurry made it to wherever he needed to go so fast. I thought rumors would end after high school, but these two adults I work with have been going at it, lately, too. They’re both really great workers, and they’re both extremely believable. I have no idea which one is right. I heard somewhere that people form 11 judgements about someone within 7 seconds of meeting them. I’d like to think that isn’t true, but my experience has told me differently. My best friend stopped talking to me a few years ago over a tiny miscommunication. There was no giant fight, no huge fallout, nothing thrown, nothing broken, just my heart. So maybe it isn’t just within 7 seconds of meeting someone. Maybe it’s all the time. Any time something happens, people form their opinion about it in 7 seconds. And then that’s it. They stick to their guns, they win their arguments, and they lose their friends. I’ve tried talking to my friend, and we sort of cleared things up, but things will never be the same between us again. We’ve lost our trust in each other. And that’s one of the most important things you can have in a relationship with anyone. I trusted both of my coworkers, and now they both have completely opposite stories and opinions of each other. I don’t know who to listen to. I don’t know how to trust my own heart, and my own judgment. I don’t want to be hurt again, but I also don’t want to lose a friend again. If only humanity could keep their minds open a little longer, to wait until that 8th second, to not make a snap judgment and decide right away what they think of a person or a situation. If only we could see each other in a different light, and think about the other person’s point of view. If only we could understand what it’s like to walk around in their shoes for a day. If only.

The End