The Thread of Fate

“It matters not how strait the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll, I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul.”

― William Ernest Henley, Echoes of Life and Death

I finally had the answers I’d been craving my whole life, and I wish to all the gods that I’d never found them. I’ve always suspected I might not be entirely human. Seeing as my aunts were The Fates, goddesses of destiny, I was quite prepared for the possibility that I was just some random crossbreed between a minor god and a human. But apparently, there was no such luck for me.

I am Nyx, daughter of Thanatos, the god of death, and Nemesis, the goddess of revenge, and niece to The Fates themselves. As if that was not earth-shattering enough, I am also a goddess, named after dear old grandma, the primordial goddess of night. The most useless goddess if you ask me since I hadn’t even known.

Immediately after aunt Lachesis finished talking I went back to the creek; we surely lacked enough places to storm to. And I couldn’t help but look at myself as if for the first time as the stream flowed. The same jet-black hair, the same almond-shaped midnight eyes gazed back at me, the same face I’ve ever had but yet, bewilderingly different.

Atropos had taught me history, of course. I dare say I could rival any historian by now, so I knew everything about their family, and mine. I knew our genealogy; I knew the myths in their original ancient greek. But I don’t know what my father looks like and what happened between him and my mother.

I looked back at the creek once more and wondered if she is watching if she would curse me or drown me as she did with Narcissus if she would care. But I know the answer, she actually doesn’t.

I decide to go back to the house. My aunts are waiting in the kitchen, as I knew they would be, drinking some variation of mountain tea. Clotho extends a mug for me, as a peace offering. I take it gratefully, enjoying the slightly sweet and flowery taste.

They made a point of not talking at the same time when I am present, it tends to sound ominous and utterly terrifying when the three of them do that. And something inane as avoiding my chores or failing an answer to a test ended up with me just about begging for mercy.

Now is Atropos’ turn to speak.

-We understand that the information we have discussed might reveal itself as difficult to ponder. But we wish not to keep the truth from you any longer. You are one of our own, and it is time that you became aware of it. We are still the same, we do love you the same. You are the same, just now you know.

In a gesture, so unlike her she extended her arms across the table and took my hands under hers. Her eyes told me what she wouldn’t say out loud. She was sorry I was hurting, but I needed to know who I was. And she was right.

-There’s more, said Clotho. Looking vaguely apologetic. Thanatos would like for you to meet. We’re not trying to pressure you into anything you wouldn’t wish. Just let us know when you’re ready and we can discuss it further.

I nodded. The dice had been cast; my fate had been decided. I would meet the father that had avoided me my whole life. But I wasn’t ready, I was not sure I would ever be ready.

Back in my room, I marveled at the wonderful tapestries that covered the walls with every beautiful motif I could ever imagine, bright colored flowers, amazing landscapes, the bluest deepest oceans, each and every last one of them wavered with love. It was apparent in each careful thread, in each magnificent picture, and I was leaving them. I was leaving them because I was a coward, I didn’t wish to meet my immortal father. Not in this decade, nor this century, but perhaps in the next millennia.

They had explained to me some of what would happen. At 16, we who weren’t primordial gods started to manifest our powers. And apparently, I could now choose when I would like to stop aging, which would be pretty cool if I was not a bit freaked out about it. Of course, I knew my aunts didn’t age, it was just that I’d never considered what it’d be like for myself.

There were just so many things I would like to ask my father. But the possibility of getting to know him was not something I wanted to face right now. My aunts had vowed to respect his wishes.

If there was a reason for his wanting to know me now, I surely didn’t wish to find out. Which left me with no other choice than to escape my beloved aunts and my home, to get away from him. His presence would taint the possibility of everything else if I chose to stay. And so, I started planning for a way out.

There’re perks to being in a house where goddesses live, even though we were really off the grid, we had everything we needed just right here. I’ve never asked them how exactly it was that it worked, but for everything, I could ever request I just had to say it out loud so that the house would get it for me.

I would leave tonight, at midnight. I wouldn’t like to be ambushed and find some stranger on our doorstep someday.

I made a list in my head: a passport age 16 for Aurora Nyx Moira, some money because I wouldn’t relish the possibility of living in the streets, a backpack, 2 pairs of jeans, 2 dresses, 3 t-shirts, and underwear. I would have to travel lightly, I wouldn’t be able to take my tapestries with me, nor my books. But there was a book I couldn’t leave behind, so I made my way to the library and took my copy of Jane Eyre, my favorite book, with me.

That was the easiest part, now I had to find a way to leave. You see, there was a reason we had no animals, wind, or any other living being here with us. We were not trapped, precisely, it was just that our little meadow had a layer of extra protection to ensure that my aunts were safe.

There was a powerful motive that explained why we lived in hiding. Theirs was a power that many coveted, and even old uncle Z (whom I never met and hopefully will never encounter) couldn’t overrule them. Out of all of the gods, it was them that determined not just if a life was granted, but how long it lasted and when that life was bound to cease. So, it didn’t hurt to be overly cautious.

But now our protection turned problematic. I needed to find a way out, there were still a few hours left until it was dark outside. I headed back to our reliable and marvelously stoked library. With my voice raised just above the sound of a whisper I said to the house: “Give me a book of incantations”. In a second, countless books were piled in front of me. I needed to be more specific.

“Give me a book with incantations for escaping”. The pile was reduced to half its size, still too many to read in a lifetime. “I need a book with incantations for fleeing a place without being detected”. 20 books were left, I figured I could work with that.

I started reading, read and read until the letters were a blur in front of me. Until everything stopped making sense and I was on the brink of quitting. I read in ancient latin, english, deutsch, I couldn’t even remember which language this book had been written in. And then, I saw it.

Ω εσύ, άντρας που ξέρεις, άνδρας ή γυναίκα, θα δεις, θα μιλήσεις, θα δεις ένα μάτι που βλέπει, θα περπατήσεις με πόδια που περπατούν, και έτσι θα ελευθερωθεί ο γιος μου

I was careful to avoid saying the ancient greek words out loud as I translated them into English,

O thou man that wisshen, whether male or female, thou shalt see, thou shalt speak, thou shalt see an eye that seeth, thou shalt walk in feet that walk, and so shall my son be freed

This was it; it was the most promising option I had so far, these words might help me escape.

I went back to my room and stayed there until the darkest possible hour of the night. While they were busy weaving, I took my backpack and went to the furthest corner of our home. I had walked perhaps a mile when I felt it, that crackling concentration of energy on my fingertips, the barrier was just on the other side.

They wouldn’t know I was gone until the next morning, that is if they kept their promise. They had given me their word when I was still young that they would never make me aware of my fate, they wouldn’t seek my future in the book, nor would they predict it. They trusted me and I trusted them. And then I broke my promise, hoping they wouldn’t renege on theirs.

I said the incantation words thinking it wouldn’t work, how could it? I’ve never done this before. But as the ancient words rolled off my tongue until I could taste them, first a strange pungent taste and then a citrusy leftover, it happened. There was no magic burst of light, no shattering sound as the barrier gave way. It just happened. I was standing right there one minute and the next, gone was the only home I’ve ever had, the family I love, the safety of everything familiar. I was gone.