Chapter 1
K Y L E R
“Why would you do that, Kyler?”
“Why would you choose Remi over Brinley?”
“You ruined her life, Kyler.”
“She needed you and you weren’t there.”
Olivia’s words will forever haunt me. I had no idea what she was talking about when she found me at the track.
The day Brinley left, a part of me left with her.
I know, I know. How am I even allowed to say that when I’m the villain in her story?
My parents and friends were so disappointed in me. My family couldn’t understand how I could let Remi back into my life when I already had the most perfect girl for me. My best friend, Ryan, couldn’t fucking stand being near me. He’d constantly rip into me, calling me pathetic for cheating on Brinley. Everyone I cared about looked at me with disappointment.
The hard truth is, is that I wasn’t completely over Remi when I was with Brinley.
Even though that was true, I was in love with Brinley too. She probably doesn’t believe that because of everything that happened, but I swear it.
I never thought about Remi when I was with Brinley. Not once. When I told Brinley I wanted to be with her, I meant it. I saw forever with her.
And then,
Then Remi came crashing back into my life.
I hated that Brinley only dulled some of the pain Remi left behind. Remi was still in my head, even if the memories weren’t good. Deep down, some part of me was still stuck on her. That’s why I tried so hard not to get into a relationship with Brin.
My chest ached when I thought of Remi. I felt like I could bear the pain when we were together. Her coming back into my life felt like fate.
There had to be a reason why I never fully got over her. It had to mean something.
When I first met Remi, she was the perfect girlfriend. So loving and caring. She came to every one of my races, wore my jersey while cheering me on. I gave her everything I had, and she happily took it all. She wanted flowers every day, so I bought her flowers. She wanted me to skip one of my races, I skipped it. She wanted love letters because her friend got them, so I wrote her love letters.
Time and time again, I did everything she asked. I told her yes, because that’s what she wanted to hear. And she told me she loved me.
That was love, right?
Remi loved me.
If Remi was happy, then I was happy.
What more could I ask for? She was loyal, we had amazing sex, and she loved me.
We were perfect together.
Until we weren’t.
I realize now that Remi took everything from me. I lost my best friend because of her. She shattered what I thought love was supposed to feel like.
Most of our relationship was a lie. She betrayed me.
And then she came back. Said she was young and dumb. Said things would be different now. Said we were meant to be.
And I believed it.
She asked if I had thought about her, and I told her the truth. Before Brinley, I thought about her every day.
How could I still love someone who caused me so much pain?
Kyler, I love you. It’s you and me. It’s always been you and me.
And I started to believe it.
I was sick of the dull ache of missing her. Tired of her still being under my skin, even when I was with Brinley.
And then I cheated.
My head was a fucking mess after that.
I never touched Remi sexually after that, I swear it. She kissed me a few times, but I never kissed her back.
I was torn between Remi, my first love, and Brinley, the girl I loved with everything I had left.
That doesn’t excuse what I did. I know I was a piece of shit for cheating on Brinley.
What most people won’t understand is that I was in love with both of them at the same time.
How the hell does that even happen?
Joke’s on me, though.
I wasn’t in love with Remi. I was in love with the version of her I had made up in my head.
I didn’t realize that until it was too late.
God, Brinley.
I’m filled with so much regret.
And I’m so fucking sorry.
