What is your opinion?
Exciting !
"The story is really amazing and I would really love to see where its headed to. The characters are great, my only complaint would be that the suspense feels a bit rushed and that it could have been built up some more. But apart from that, overall great job"
Its normal
"It's interesting to read, not complete tho "
Interesting
"Just a warning for those reading, there will be SPOILERS in this review: I think the plot is interesting and very unique. It does remind me of that movie Megan that came out recently. However, there are parts that are super unrealistic. Like how this kid is brought into the house, screams he hates the dog and the dog ends up murdered in the house (which, word of warning, some people - including myself honestly - will NOT read books/watch movies where dogs die, so maybe make it a cat or another animal instead lol) and somehow... Nobody suspects him? Like I feel literally anyone with a brain could put two and two together, so the fact that the parents aren't sus at this point is strange. Also, the adoption process in and of itself takes months, sometimes years. No way Joshua wouldn't know about it since usually the entire family has to meet a child and interact with them under supervision before an adoption can happen, especially if a child is coming from a foster situation or orphanage (which many older children who are being adopted are) - albeit, I understand there may be more to this than the readers know at this point, so we'll see since I'm guessing Jessie is not a normal child so this was likely not a normal adoption. Furthermore, the scene with the police at the school... Josh is a minor, he'd NEVER be questioned without his parents, let alone in a school - he'd be taken to an interrogation room in a police station where they'd have cameras and most likely a child advocate to oversee the interview. And if they did do a polygraph on him (which is unlikely since he's under 18) it'd be structured yes or no questions that he and his parents would have to give consent to take. And, again, I find it SUPER hard to believe that at this point, given that this new kid fighting with Aston the same day he ends up dead wouldn't be a red flag. I feel like that'd be the first person police would look into, esp since he's a new kid and if this is a small town (which I'm not sure) that's exactly who they'd look into first. And on the same vein of realism, I do find that Joshua at times acts young for his age but also older for his age. I saw another comment about how he acts his age, but I guess I disagree. It comes out less in the later chapters and is more prominent in the dialogue in chapters 1 and 2 where he seems to speak more like he's in middle school than a high schooler. Realism aside, though, since we must suspend some reality for the sake of fiction, I find the curiosity and mystery in Jessie to be intriguing. I do wish it were slowed down though. I mean, Jessie is piling up bodies faster than Gary Ridgeway, and I think in books with horror elements those things need to unfold slowly rather than being thrust right into it. Lets see some more creepy, innocuous things happen with him first before we go right to murder (even serial killers start by being voyeurs and thieves, usually) Overall, though, it's a very original idea and I commend you for that, and the characters are interesting and there is a good amount of mystery being built. I just think if you work on the aspects of realism that'd make this story even better. "
Pretty Interesting Start
"Hello! I'm very curious to see how this story develops. I love the character's drive, intelligence, and loyalty, while also not being too mature or immature. He acts exactly like he's supposed to without sending mixed signals to me. I can say, "OK, here are his priorities, he actually acts like a teenager/high schooler and not a 33 or 6 year old. Awesome!" There are a few grammar mistakes, but they don't take away from the overall story, which really helps me to be more engaged. I can't really get into a story when I'm distracted by common mistakes, and your writing wholly prevents that problem from occurring. I want to know how this'll be horror as it goes on, but overall, I like the first chapter and want to see how it ends. Keep writing!"
Good start, tighten it up
"Taylor read much more than I have and outlined what he considered weaknesses in the plot. No use to go into that more. What's important is that a high school junior writes like this. That is amazing. Now comes the hard part -- learning the writing craft. Little things snuck in that distracted me. I tried to copy and paste an example, but Inkitt doesn't allow that (keeps people from stealing stories) so, we'll have to do our best. Go back to the paragraph where your hero tries the robot and it collapses. Rethink how you say he pushed the lever. Why is it necessary to say there is a black something around the blue eye? Blue eye is enough. I'm sure your creative writing teacher (I hope your school has a creative writing class) has told you about using active over passive voice and avoiding unnecessary adverbs and adjectives. If you don't have a teacher, do your teenage thing and go onto YouTube there are all kinds of great videos that help with those things. Here are some programs I recommend: 1- Grammarly free version. It will help with punctuation, grammar, and style 2. Bard, Bing, or ChatGpt to help you research. You can get answers in seconds to questions like, "What is the legal process for adoption in North Carolina?" It will make your writing more realistic. 3. Make maximum use of MS Word functions. Run Spell Check after you have your first draft to get it cleaned up. Use the Text-to-Voice function to listen to your final draft. That reveals little things that escaped before. 4. Use AuthorsAI to do your first edit after you spell check. It will run an analysis of the technical elements of your writing and will point out potential areas for improvement. You've got a future in writing. Stay at it. Be prepared for setbacks. Have tough skin. You're putting a piece of you out into the public and people aren't always kind. Learn your craft. And most importantly -- KEEP WRITING."
A photo for the soul
"I'm not sure yet. I have to read more of it. "
