Get Your Girl

You ever meet a woman and it changes your entire life? Wait. Okay, that’s a little dramatic. Let me try that again. You ever meet a woman and your life gets a whole lot more interesting? Alright. Hold on. I suck at beginnings. Here’s what I’m going to do; I’m just going to throw you in there and fill in the blanks on the way. Cool? Cool. Basically, everything started about six months ago. It involved a woman, obviously. Well, in actuality it involved a few women. That’s one of the blanks that’s going to get filled in later. Anyway, the woman we’re starting with is Danielle Thomas.(Aka Danni.) Twenty-six years old, brown hair, brown eyes, tall, smart, pretty, and a very large pain in my ass. At the time, I thought I was very fond of her. I was wrong. It happens. What can you do? Moving on.

About a month into our friendship (and boy, do I use that term loosely.), she needed another job. And me, being the kind-hearted, helpful person that I was(who really just wanted to have a reason to be close to and get to know her and hopefully make out a bit.) got her a job as a cashier where I worked pushing carts. It was a terrible idea. Take this as a warning: Don’t ever help your crush get a job with you. I wasn’t aware of that, of course. Learn from my mistakes. Hindsight is 20/20 and we learn as we go. See, the thing you need to know about Danni is she’s...capable...of being a good person. I’m aware that’s a weird way to phrase it, but you’ll learn as we go further into this what I mean. She has the capability, but it doesn’t come out often. Truth be told, she’s a lot. A week after she got the job, she wasn’t actually speaking to me for reasons that for all my intelligence, I couldn’t seem to understand. I knew she was irritated with me, I just didn't know why and she just didn't want to tell me. That’s where this story starts.

“She’s still not talking to you, huh.” It wasn’t a question.

I looked up from my coffee into the chocolate eyes of my best friend of six years. Isabelle Martin. She was sweet, clever, sneaky, pretty in her own right, and had a round, innocent face that gave off the opposite impression of how she actually was. If you looked closely, or just knew what to look for, you would see the devil behind those eyes. I mean that in the most loving way, I promise. She was a character, for sure. And she was always plotting something.

We were sitting in a Starbucks halfway between our apartments on a day that we surprisingly both had off. It was surprising because we worked in the same place. Not in the same area, but still. Same days off were few and far between. Also, it was Saturday. One of us having a Saturday off was rare, but both of us? It was like pigs were flying. In fact, I’m pretty sure I looked up to the sky when we realized we were both off, just to be sure. Instead of wasting the day away at my place, which was our designated hang out spot, we decided to go out. And since coffee ran through both of our veins, Starbucks was the obvious choice. To my shock, we had been sitting there for the better part of an hour before she brought Danni up. Izzy was never known for her patience or subtlety, so when she wanted to know something she would just jump right in. The fact that she waited kind of worried me.

I shook my head. “Of course she’s not talking to me. If she was, you would’ve known.”

“Oh I know. I just figured asking was the polite way to go about this.”

I scoffed. “Since when are you polite?”

“I’m trying something new.”

“Well stop. It’s weird.”

She chuckled. “Anyway, just don’t give up. That’s all I’m saying.”

“Give up on her or give up on women in general?” I asked, taking a sip of my second latte.

She gave a small shrug, idly stirring her frappuccino with a straw. “I meant in general. But I suppose on her too. If that’s what you want. I’ll be here for you either way, you know...to say I told you so.”

“Iz.” I groaned just barely able to stop my head from falling onto the table in utter exasperation. Izzy never was fond of Danni. Hated how she never knew what she wanted. How she played mind games with you. How she would have you questioning every decision you ever made in a matter of seconds. But I mean, no one’s perfect. I was willing to stay and try to push through all of that to see the person on the inside. Izzy was just convinced there was nothing else. What you see is what you get. She called it ‘woman’s intuition’. I called it bullshit.

The brunette grinned. “Come on, Chuck. I’m just messing with you.” But then she coughed and it sounded suspiciously like sort of. I made the decision to ignore it.

Oh! Yes. Another blank filled in. Probably should have done this sooner, but whatever. My name is Charlie, not Chuck. Chuck is a nickname that Iz gave me because she knows how much I hate it. I am twenty-four years old, with dirty blond hair, blue eyes, and I am also a lesbian who leans on the more masuline side. Continuing on.

I cringed at the nickname. “You know how much I hate it when you call me that. It doesn’t make any sense.”

“A girl named Charlie doesn’t make much sense either, but here we are.”

I rubbed my forehead. “That’s not-no. Charlie is already a nickname for my actual name. You can’t give my nickname its own nickname!” I huffed. “And there are plenty of women out there with the name Charlie, for the record. Calling a woman Chuck is a little odd, though.”

“Is it? Is it really? Because I don’t think so. At least not in this instance. Have you looked in the mirror lately? No one would question me calling you Chuck.”

I blinked. “What? What does that-why do you...what are you getting at?”

“Sweetie.” She said through a laugh. “The cropped hair, the mens clothes, the button ups, and the expensive ass skate shoes that you spend way too much money on.”

“Leave my Supras alone. They’re beautiful.”

She snorted. “Look, don’t get me wrong. It really works for you. Especially when you wear one of your blue button ups and your eyes pop. You have a certain style that just-you’re very attractive, you know that? Like, if I wasn’t your best friend, I would be all over you. I’d come at you with everything I have. Plus you have the personality and you’re funny, I mean your confidence could use some work and don’t even get me started on your insecurities and jealousy issues-.”

“Isabelle!” I yelled. When she cut herself off and looked at me, I raised my eyebrows. “Hella off topic, my dude.”

“Right, yes.” She cleared her throat. “My point is, Chuck is a solid nickname for you.”

Rolling my eyes, I took another sip of my latte. “For fear of you going on another rant, I’m going to let that go and change the topic back to Danni. And for the record, I probably should give up on her. I’ve known her for less than two months and she’s already put me through the ringer. I mean, she hasn’t talked to me in a week and I don’t know why. I even tried to apologize for whatever it was and it didn't change anything. Seriously, what does she want me to do? Jump up on a register at work and sing ‘Sorry’ by Justin Bieber in front of everyone?” I chuckled, shaking my head.

My expression fell as soon as I caught the look in Izzy’s eyes. They were bright with excitement. She was a schemer and she had a plan. If not shut down, it would consume us all. There would be no living with her.

“No.” I shut it down before she could even open her mouth. “You don’t even like Danni, need I remind you. Why the hell would you want to make her a semi-permanent fixture in our lives?” That seemed to do the trick. Poof. Light out. Crisis averted. I mentally gave myself a high-five.

She looked down at the table with a slight pout. “You’re right. But.” She looked back up at me and I’ll be damned if the light wasn’t burning bright again. Oh Gaia. “As your best friend, I just want to see you happy. And who knows? Maybe Danni would make you happy.” Light back on. “And that would be so romantic.” Kill it. Kill the light. “And women love romance!” Her excitement was becoming palpable.

I stared at her, my mouth agape. Say no. Say no again. Charlie. You have to stop it. Charlie! Come on, woman! I couldn’t get the words to form. Oh for fuck’s sake woman, say something! Finally sounds started coming. “I-no. But that’s- I can’t even sing?” I mentally face-palmed. Really? That’s what you come up with? Idiot. I cleared my throat. “Sorry, what I meant to say was nope. Not happening. Nein.”

Panic and anxiety filled my chest when I realized it was already too late. She had the plan. Her eyes were so bright, they were almost blinding. There was no way to stop this rollercoaster. It was already hitting the peak. I had to give it one more shot though.

“Iz, you’re my best friend. I love you dearly. And while I’m usually not one to turn down helping you with one of your irrational, spontaneous, idiotic, poorly thought out schemes -mainly because you rarely give me a choice in the matter- I’m going to have to put my foot down on this one. Whatever it is that you’re putting together in your head, needs to cease and desist. Now.”

She put on her innocent expression, fluttering eyelashes and all. Even going as far as tilting her head slightly to the side. “Why Charlie...I must say I do not know to what you are referring.” She said as she lifted her cup to take a sip.

My eye twitched as I tried to keep my cool. “Isabelle Henrietta Martin. Now is not the time to play this game. I see that twinkle in your eye. That twinkle that never fails to get me in some type of weird, troubling situation. I’m telling you no. We are not doing this again. Put out the damn twinkle.”

The brunette choked on her coffee as she tried, unsuccessfully, to hold in her laughter. “I’m sorry.” She somehow got out through a slightly disturbing scene of coughing and laughing. It took a full two minutes and eleven seconds -yes, I counted- before she was able to drink her beverage without me flinching with the fear that it would come out her nose and somehow get on me.

“I’m sorry.” She managed again, as she calmed down and fanned her face with her hand. “It’s just...I can’t take you seriously when your eye twitches. Add that to that last comment....it was too much. I couldn’t not laugh. God.” She sighed, fanning herself with her hand. “That felt great. I should laugh like that more often.”

“I don’t like you.” I grumbled leaning back in the chair.

Her smile widened. Which I didn’t even think was possible. “You love me.”

“Not right now, I don’t.”

“Psh. Of course you do.” She waved her hand through the air. “You always love me. It’s your greatest flaw.”

My eyebrow quirked in amusement. “Dude. My greatest flaw? Isn’t that a bit of an exaggeration?”

“Nope. Because of the simple fact that you love me so much you would help me commit murder. And I’m even willing to bet you’d take the blame for it -if it ever came to that- and go to prison just so I wouldn’t have to.”

I bent forward, resting my chin on my palm. My eyes went to slits. “Really? Of all the things you could’ve gone with, you bring out murder? Straight outta the gate.”

She nodded. “It was going to come to that eventually. I’m just saving time.”

My eyes slid closed. Deep breaths. In one, two, three, four. Out one, two, three, four. In one, two, three, four. Out one, two, three, four.

By the time I opened them back up and looked at her, she was already staring at me expectantly. I reached my hand out to grab ahold of my coffee and my finger began tapping on my cup. “Alrighty. I’m officially done with this conversation.”

Izzy just chuckled as she checked her phone as it pinged, alerting her to a new message.

I let my gaze lazily wander around the room, lingering on the door when the bell rang signaling someone had come in. I blinked, shooting up straight. “Shit.” I breathed.

Izzy looked up from her phone at my sudden movement. Noticing the look on my face, she turned around following my gaze. Her eyebrows shot up. A smirk on her lips. “Well speak of the devil.”

“Fuck.”

“Language.”

I shot her a glare. “Shut up. Look, we are not going to get her attention. We are going to keep our heads down, and wait for her to go by. When she gets to the counter to get her order, we are going to quickly and quietly get up and leave. Without her noticing.”

She snorted. “That’s a little much. I’m just saying.”

“I don’t care. This is not your deal. It’s mine. So we’re gonna do this how I want. And I want-.”

“Charlie?”

Shit. I slowly looked up at the woman standing in front of our table. “Danni! Hey.” I smiled. “What’s up?” I questioned as enthusiastically as I could given the circumstance, while trying to hide the surprise I had that she was speaking to me again. I subtly kicked Izzy's’ shin under the table to stop her quiet giggling.

Danni barely spared her a glance before her attention snapped back to me. “I had to run a few errands in town. Thought I’d stop to get something in here. What about you?”

“I needed to get out of the house. And since for once Iz and I were both off today, we decided to come here and chill. Drink coffee. Talk.” I swallowed. “All that good stuff.”

Danni nodded. “Right. Yeah.” She paused. “Well I-”

“Actually.” I interrupted, taking note of the phone still in Izzy’s hand. “Iz just got a text from her roommate. They need some stuff for the apartment. So we were just about to head out.” I stood up, thanking whatever higher deity there was that Izzy was following suit.

“Oh. Yeah, okay. Well I just wanted to stop by to say hi.” She moved some hair behind her ear. “Do you work tomorrow?”

I gave a nod. “Unfortunately. I’ll be out pushing carts from seven to two-thirty.”

“Okay. I’ll be there at ten. So I’ll see you tomorrow.” She smiled.

I returned it, grabbing my now cold latte. “See ya. Come on Iz.”

Izzy silently followed as I made my way out the door.

“That went well.”

I side-eyed her, sighing as I threw my cup into the nearest trash can. “Shut up.”

“You realize I don’t have a roommate.”

“Shut. Up.”

Another moment of silence.

“...Well... At least she’s talking to you now.”

I said nothing, pulling out my phone.

“What are you doing?”

“I am texting Caden. See if he wants to meet us back at my apartment. I’m pretty sure he got off not too long ago. We can order some food and have a stupid movie marathon.”

She nodded as we got to my Jeep. I unlocked the door for her and as soon as she got in, we headed out. It took a little bit longer than it usually did to get back since we had to make a stop by Walmart. Izzy really did need to run an errand. And I also wanted to see what kind of movies the store had. Almost an hour later and we were pulling into my apartment complex, parking in front of my building. As we both got out, we found Caden already waiting by the steps. I grabbed my movies and headed toward him as Izzy went to put her stuff in her car.

“How long you been here?” I questioned when I got close enough.

He stood up, straightening his snapback. The weird thing about Caden was, he’s basically me in true guy form. A little bit darker hair. Beard. Affinity for button ups and snapbacks. Our personalities were almost the same too. I just had way more anger issues. It was one of those things like ‘Love at first sight’, but in a totally platonic way. We got along brilliantly from the get go. “Bout ten minutes. I got off around the time you texted. Decided to stop and get some snacks at the gas station before I came.” He also had an unhealthy relationship with candy.

“Ah, alright then.” I replied as Izzy joined us by the front door. “But like, why are you out here? You live on the floor below me. You could have waited inside.”

“Could have.” He nodded. “But it’s a nice day out. Figured I’d enjoy it.”

I raised an eyebrow. “You needed to smoke didn’t you.”

He grinned. “That too.” He didn't smoke often, but occasionally he had a black n mild. Usually it was on bad days or when he was drinking.

I chuckled, shaking my head. “On that note, grab your snacks. I’ve got the movies. Let’s go.”

We made our way through the lobby to the elevators. It was a silent, but comfortable ride to the third floor. A few minutes later I was leading them inside my apartment. It wasn’t much, but it was enough. One bedroom. One bath. Living room, and kitchen. It was modest. Decorated with a ton of Star Wars, Joker, and the like paraphernalia. (I’m a nerd at heart.) Izzy and Caden quickly made themselves comfortable in the living room. The two came here so often, they had their own designated spots. Caden and Izzy took over the couch. I usually sat on my recliner. Sometimes I would take up the floor in front of them, but that was usually reserved for game nights.

I came back with beer for Caden and I, and Yoo-hoos for Izzy since she wasn’t a big drinker. Settling on the couch, feet propped up on the coffee table and laying back, I grabbed the remote and turned on the T.V. We ended up watching some cheesy rom com on TBS because it just so happened to be on Izzy’s favorite scene. And honestly, Caden and I were kind of fans of cheesy rom coms. I guess that just comes with being a hopeless romantic.

Unsurprisingly, watching a romantic movie had us arguing about the likelihood of grand gestures in real life and if they really worked. Before long, that led into Izzy explaining her “Brilliant” plan for Danni and I, which turned into a whole big discussion between the three of us.

Well...technically between the two of them. I gave up five minutes into the conversation and sprawled out on the couch, while they eagerly chit chatted away in the kitchen -because that’s where the food was- about how ‘amazing’ it would be and that ‘there’s no way it couldn’t work.’. Meanwhile, I was staring at the TV trying to think of a way to crush all of their hopes and dreams.

It was not going well. I knew once those two put their minds to something, it was next to impossible to get them to even consider not going through with it. Nonetheless actually getting them to not do it. Stubborn little idiots. Izzy was bad on her own. Add in Caden though, and you had an unstoppable force.

“Chuck.” Izzy called, knocking me out of my reverie.

I chose to ignore her.

“Chuck!” She tried again.

Nope.

“Chucky-Wucky!”

“What?!” I screeched, sounding oddly similar to Gollum from ‘Lord of the Rings’. I cleared my throat. “What do you want?”

“We think we’ve got this thing figured out.” Caden piped in.

I inwardly groaned, slinging an arm up to cover my eyes. “No. I told you, I want no part of this.”

“That’s gonna be hard considering you’re the main component.” Iz called back.

I rolled my eyes for what was probably the one hundredth time that day.

“Don’t roll your eyes. You’re the one who started this.”

“I didn’t-!” I stopped, quickly sitting up and pinching the bridge of my nose. I’m going to murder them. “I didn’t roll my eyes. Also, I was joking when I said what I said at Starbucks. You should’ve known this.”

“Please. I know you. Your eyes rolled. In fact, if you roll them anymore today, they’re gonna get stuck.” It took everything in me not to roll them again. “And you know better than to crack a joke like that around me.”

Oh my Gods. Grrrrrrr! I chugged the last of my beer in a sad attempt to keep my cool. It was a miracle she was still alive. Standing up, I walked to the kitchen to get another one. I was gonna need it. “Doesn’t matter.” I replied, making my way to the fridge. “Whatever you two nimrods have come up with...I’m not doing it.” Retrieving my third one, I popped it open and took a large drink. “So come up with something that doesn’t involve me.” I told them, moving to stand in front of the table they were sitting at.

“But that’s impossible.” Caden stated. “Without you, there is no plan.”

I tipped my beverage at him. “Precisely. Therefore, let it go.”

“But-.”

“No buts. The other week she was trying to hook me up with her botched hook up. I get it. You guys love me. You want me to be happy. All that good shit. I appreciate it and I love you for it. But at the same time, you can’t work with what you don’t have. And right now we have nothing. Getting up in the middle of our damn workplace and singing to her about how I’m sorry for my mistakes and how I really freaking like her is not going to change anything. You can’t make someone have feelings for you if they don’t. It doesn’t work that way. We are friends. I’m fine with it. I’m moving on. You two need to do the same. Just accept it and let it go. It’s really not that big of a deal.” I finished.

Both stared at me. After a minute Izzy opened her mouth.

“Oh nuh uh. If either of you start to argue or even think about arguing with me, I will sing the entire three minutes and some-odd seconds of ‘Baby’ by Justin Bieber. As loud and as horribly as I possibly can.”

Caden’s eyes widened. He hated that song. Therefore, he remained silent. Izzy, on the other hand, I knew damn well that she would have just started singing with me. However, thankfully, she stayed silent as well. Apparently, even she knew that was the best decision at that moment. To be fair, it was probably just because of how she felt about Danni. Her dislike for Danni outweighed her love for the scheme.

“That’s what I thought.” I looked at them. “Now, I don’t know about you losers, but I’m starving. I was thinking about ordering a pizza.”

Caden shook his head. “Geez. Nimrods. Losers. You’re mean today.”

I fought the urge to roll my eyes yet again. I may not completely believe they’d get stuck, but that didn’t mean I was willing to risk it. “Caden, I’m mean every day.” I may have growled...not completely sure. “Do you want pizza or not?” I managed to ask through clenched teeth.

He shrugged. “S’fine with me.”

I looked at Iz. She nodded.

“Alright. I’ll order. You guys go pick out some movies to watch.”

They nodded and got up to head back to their seats in the living room. I grabbed my phone from my pocket and called Dominos ordering our usual. One supreme, and one pepperoni with extra cheese.

They didn’t bring it back up for the rest of the night. Something told me it wasn’t over though. Those two were stubborn and they loved the plan too much. They were going to figure out a way to incorporate it into our lives, I just didn't know how. Really, I could only hope it wouldn’t get me in too much trouble whenever it came back up.