I am NOT Bella

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Once again, I couldn’t say no to her, and I don’t understand why I agreed to play along with this crazy plan. I always drop everything I’ve planned in my life to go along with what she wants. I always lie to myself, saying that it’s my duty, that I owe it to her. But I’m just a lazy coward living in her shadow. A shy and tasteless weirdo, who gave up on her identity to follow her shining and fearless sister.

“I can’t handle these stilettos, Bella, they are killing my feet! Why don’t you wear something more comfortable to travel with, like a sneaker?” I said.

“I’m not fucking running in the gym, Izzy! These Manolo Blahnik will look perfect in the paparazzi’s photos. So, stop your fucking complaining. I have a reputation to uphold.” Bella said.

I sighed and gave up whining. God, how I miss my old jeans and my worn-out t-shirt! I feel suffocated by this damn tight fancy dress. I run my hand through my hair, and it splits in half, as it always does.

“Don’t mess up your hairstyle, Izzy! My best angle is the right one, I don’t look good with my hair parted in the middle. And don’t touch your face, I never touch my face, the hands care all sort of toxins and dirt. Anyway, I'm wasting my time putting anything useful into your stubborn head. Sometimes I doubt we came out of the same womb!”

I looked in the mirror, disgusted because I did not recognize myself. I hate these platinum blond highlights; I like my natural dirty blond hair color. Thank God, Bella gave up on the tattoo when I vehemently refused to do it. I can handle the make-up and the hair changing, but needles are beyond my limits.

“I don’t know if I can make it, Bella, I feel uneasy!”

“What’s the matter with you today? We have always done this for years, and you have never chickened out.”

“It’s not like swapping places for a math exam, Bella. I have a bad feeling; your husband might catch me red-handed. I think he is suspicious about everything.”

‘In fact, our plan is child’s play for that cunning devil. We’re about to be discovered, if not already, and Bella underestimates her opponent.’ I thought, but lacked the courage to say it aloud.

“ This is nonsense. Xavier ignores me and will only divorce me if I accept the terms of the prenup and give up custody of Valentin. You are my only way to be free and rich.” Bella replied.

“I’m sorry, Bella, but I can’t do this anymore. Stealing information from a corporation’s CEO is dangerous. I had already risked my skin by breaking into his office.”

“Do you think I would ask you to do this if I hadn’t already tried it? Who is the bloody hacker here? Risking your skin? You’re losing your memory, you ungrateful bitch! Who gave their blood to take care of you? You owe me! Is this your payment to me to save your skin?”

“I’m sorry, Sis, but I’m scared to go into his bedroom, what if he finds me in it? I am uncomfortable around intimacy. I can’t handle it.”

“It tried to help you once, and you scared off every guy you ever met because you’re so unapproachable. I told you to get a life and stop being stuck on your computer and like a stubborn nerd. But you never listened to me.”

Bella rolled her eyes in annoyance. But when she saw I was about to cry, she tried to calm me down.

“Relax, sister, crying will ruin your make-up. Just tell him you’re there to discuss the divorce in private, and if he tries anything, tell him you’re having your period.”

“Do you think it works?” I asked skeptically.

“Of course, some men do not like getting dirty with blood.” She spoke.

“I do not have a good feeling about this, besides there will be a DJ and dance floor in the villa for the event. I don’t know if I can handle it, even with my earplugs. What if he invites me to dance?”

“Xavier will not ask you for a dance!”

“At the celebration of your third anniversary? You must be kidding me!”

“Look at me, Izzy. We’ve practiced this before, just follow the plan and no one will suspect anything. It is our only chance. You can’t throw everything away.”

I sighed and looked at the tattoo on my forearm and closed my eyes.

‘Aeternum XVI’

I know what it means: ‘Forever Xavier, Valentin, and Isabella’. I felt a pang of guilt in my heart. Perhaps, as much as I denied it, I had even fantasized that the ‘I’ on the tattoo stood for Isobel and not Isabella. My sister doesn’t value the good things she already gets. But I harshly repressed that thought in my mind, for my presence in their lives was just as fake as the tattoo itself.

“Are you sure it won’t fade like the last one?” I asked.

“Don’t worry. I’ve been testing it for the past few weeks, and it hasn’t fizzled.” Bella said.

“You said that the other time, too, and-”

“It faded away because you are sloppy. Be more careful this time, and everything will be alright.”

Bella’s marriage is as fake and fleeting as our tattoos. A falsehood that she has been living for the last 4 years without feeling a single drop of regret. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, but I couldn’t keep my mouth shut.

“Is another one of your lover’s inventions, isn’t it?”

“Don’t be fucking picky! Ricky said that this one would be foolproof, almost like a real tattoo.”

“I don’t trust your lover, Bella. He seems shady and a philanderer. I doubt he quited using meth.”

“What do you know about men and love, Izzy? You lack the social skills and life experience to judge people. Mind your own fucking business.”

“You’re putting us in danger, Bella. You don’t even spend time with Valentin because of your lover.”

“Are you delusional? I never spent any time with that annoying little brat! I had no talent for motherhood. Having Valentin was just my strategy to get married to Xavier and get a big allowance from him. You know how much that fucking Latino guy values the traditions of his family. You did the research for me, right?”

“I know what I’ve done! And I’m not proud of myself either! Valentin is a wonderful child, if only you could get to know him and-”

“We’re survivors, Izzy! To people like us, the end justifies the means. Remember, if it wasn’t for me cleaning up your mess, you’d be rotting in that orphanage in Portland or even a mental institution. I got us out of that crappy place and slept my way to the top in Hollywood. You’ve got the easy part, using your skills to hack into information to get where we want to go. Don’t have a conscience now! You’re up to your neck in this!”

“I just wonder if we are going too far. Xavier isn’t like other guys, Bella. He’s clever and cunning, and he’s been very intimate with you. He might find out about it and things can get messy.”

“Don’t be such a pussy. No one ever found out, not even in the orphanage. Look in the mirror, Sis, we are carbon copies, there is no way he can find out. Not even by our fingerprints.”

“An expert can detect the difference between our fingerprints, Bella and-”

“But the fingerprint scanner of the mansion can’t. Stop thinking about worst-case scenarios. Stick to the plan. Just four more days and it’ll all be over.”

“And where are you going to be meanwhile?” I said.

“I need a bit of space after the shooting in the fucking desert.”

As if I were not there, Bella looked at her face in the mirror and spoke.

“Fuck, I need to lighten my skin urgently! I’ve got a fucking tan.”

The hotel phone rings.

“It must be the driver who will take you to the airport. It’s now or never, Izzy, don’t let me down, or I will never forgive you.”

Without answering my question, Bella pushed me out of the room. I walked down the elevator with a knot in my stomach; I didn’t want to go back to the mansion, not after what happened last time. I am sick of lying and scheming. I feel as if I am trapped by both sides with no way to escape.

As I walk through the hotel lobby, I feel the flashes of the paparazzi as the staff escorts me to my car. I forgot to put on my earplugs and sunglasses, so the flashes and noise make me dizzy! Currently, I am not ‘Isobel Miller’, the hacker. I am ‘Mrs. Gutierrez’, better known as the famous movie actress ‘Bella Monroe’.

The color came back to my face on the way from the hotel to the airport. The feeling of dizziness and nausea gives way to the fear of what is to come. How am I going to face him after what happened in his office that night? I picked up my cell phone to clear my mind of the whirlwind of thoughts and called Bella.

“The number you are calling from is temporarily out of service. Please try again later.”

“No way! Come on, Bella!”

I dialed the hotel.

“Ritz-Carlton, Dove Mountain Hotel, how may I help you?” - says the receptionist at the desk.

“This is Bella Monroe, I was just in the executive suite, and I would like to speak to my assistant, Ms. Miller, who is still there. Can you connect me, please?”

“I’ll check in a few minutes and then transfer the call to you. Please hold on to the line”. - said the receptionist.

A couple of minutes goes by with that unbearable little piece of music. The receptionist rings back.

“Only housekeeping is in the suite now, Ms. Monroe. According to the system information, there is no record of your assistant. The bill was closed by Mr. Thompson, who was responsible for filming matters, immediately after your departure. Is there anything else I can be of assistance with?”

“No, thank you,” I replied.

Why does she always do that? Not even 15 minutes had gone by and Bella had already disappeared from the map, leaving me alone. I’m on my own now. I spent the remaining drive in silence, lost in my thoughts.

“We’ve reached the airport, madam.” - said the driver.

I was fortunate enough to be directed to where the private jet was located. Without greeting the crew, I mechanically made my way to the jet. My mind was in a frenzy and my body was on edge. I will be at the mansion in a few hours. The flight attendant offered me a glass of champagne, and I accepted. Perhaps my nerves would be calmed by a little drink. The delicious bubbly and bittersweet sensation spreads through my mouth. I sigh with pleasure.

I still have vivid memories of my first glass of champagne. It was when I first met him, at a gala at this luxury hotel in Beverly Hills about six months ago. At that time, Bella and Xavier were keeping up a marriage of appearances. And they used to appear together at these events as a couple in love with each other. I remember, as if it were today.

It was the first time that I had switched places with Bella to go to a gala ball. Before that, I had only swapped with her for things she considered boring, like exams, religious, or charity events. I had never been to a ball before. I was so nervous and so excited at the same time that I did not pay any attention to the Bellas’ blabbing.

“Remember, Izzy. Xavier only calls me Cariño. He barely touches me, so you will be fine. Just stay at his side, smile, and listen to his boring business talk like a doll.”

“Ho-hum!” I scarcely said as I slipped the aquamarine and diamond earrings into my ears. They are stunning and match my eye color. They are more beautiful than I could have ever imagined!

I looked like a Greek goddess in a languid pastel light blue Dior gown. The fabric was so delicate and sheer that the stitching was like a second skin, and the low-cut back made me feel ashamed that I was showing too much of my skin. But I was so in love with my appearance. Everything is harmonious and symmetrical.

“I only drink dry martinis, he knows, make an excuse and don’t drink!“- said Bella.

“I’m not a teenager going to the prom, Bella.” I said, rolling my eyes.

“But you are fucking acting like one, Izzy!”

“We’ve done these many times before, Bella. I’m not stupid!”

“I know, but don’t fucking ruin tonight with your dreamy mind!”

“Hey, I’m only doing this so that you get to sleep with whomever you want!”

“And I did my best to soothe your sensory hypersensitivity! No bright colors, soft cologne and even found a fucking high-cut colorless dress with a fabric that does not overstimulate you! Do you really think you are doing me a favor? I’m the one who’s spicing up your dull, pathetic life! If you are a freak and have no life, don’t fucking put the blame on me!”

“I’m sorry, Sis. I never meant to be a burden to you. I will try my best tonight!”

“Good! So go there and do your fucking part right.”

I walked through the hotel lobby feeling like crap. Why do I have all these weird things? I couldn’t bear to go to nightclubs and bars because the lights and noise made me feel dizzy and anxious. I also feel uncomfortable when I am around so many people, I often do not understand their jokes and I hate to have physical contact with them. I tried so many times, but eventually, I gave up on life in society. Bella is the only one who understands me and cares for me. I don’t know how I would face the world without her.

All my sadness disappeared when I entered the magnificent Rolls Royce waiting for me. I felt like a princess in the back of that fancy car. What woman didn’t grow up dreaming about being Cinderella and meeting her prince? Sure, there will be no prince, but the haute couture gown, the jewelry, and the gala ball will be an experience of a lifetime.

When we arrived, I put in my invisible noise-cancelling earplugs before leaving the car, so I could handle the crowd noise. The flashes of the paparazzi almost blinded me. But I could handle the inconvenience. I smiled and waved mechanically. All the flashing lights made me dizzy and headachy. With the help of an attendant, I removed my earplugs and took an aspirin before entering the foyer of the event.

Xavier was talking to his business partners in the foyer of the gala. He looked like a devil, dressed in all black. When our eyes met, I felt a shiver run down my spine as he looked at me with cold and cunning eyes. He was like a black panther who studies his prey and hypnotizes it before he delivers the fatal blow. My body was drawn to him like moths to a killing light, while my mind screamed for me to flee.

This was the man my sister got married to and despised so much. I do not understand why, she just wanted to divorce him. Maybe because he has that kind of Hispanic beauty that is too wild for her taste. Or perhaps because he has a dirty personality or low background. But for the first time in my life, I found a man so sexy that my knees started to shake. He gave me a fake smile. I got lost in that sweet deception for many seconds while he came in my direction.”

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