Chapter 1
I sit at the table picking through my food, I don’t really like meatloaf. Rockelle flings hers around on the plate, smiling in satisfaction when ketchup plops everywhere.
“Rockelle,” Our mom, Rochelle, sighs, wiping the area up with a napkin. Mom is really pretty, with light brown skin and beautiful blue eyes. Sometimes it looked like they sparkled under bright lights.
Rockelle giggled, and Mom smiled, too. I watch observantly on how gentle Mom is with my little sister. I have two sisters, Rockelle, who’s four, and Nichelle, who’s a year old.
I start school tomorrow, and I’m kind of nervous. My dad, Nick, sat chewing his food and staring into space. He was a cop, and he was the coolest cop ever! He was a member of the K-9 unit, so we got to see the dog every single day. I still preferred kittens, though.
“Hey, dad?” I ask, pushing my meat loaf away from my mac n’ cheese.
“Yes, dear?” He responds, tuning back into the dinner table conversation.
“Do you think I can find a husband for house?” I ask excitedly. Whenever Rockelle and I played house, we would always pretend the parents got divorced. That’s because neither of us wanted to be the man. I was the mom and Rockelle was the daughter. It was the same story time after time. Maybe I would find a boy who was willing to be a dad!
Instead, Dad sighs, putting his fork down and looking up at Mom, as if asking for permission. “Rochelle?”
Mom shrugs. “I think it’s possible. And, besides, there’s nothing wrong with a boy playing house.”
Dad nods. “I suppose. Uh, Nickolle, you see, house is a girly kind of thing. Boys don’t play girl games- usually. If you manage to find a boy to play house with you, or color with you, or do makeup when you’re older, chances are he’s not interested in dating girls.”
“Then who would he date?” I ask. Now I’m just confused!
Mom shakes her head and Dad smiles awkwardly. “Uh, sweetheart, that’s a topic for another day, when you’re a little older and start having boyfriends.”
I nod and put my fork down. “I don’t want any more, can I be done, please?”
Mom nods, and I go upstairs. Rockelle flaps her arms at me and I waved to her. She’ll be done soon, I hope. I sit on my bed and color a group of kittens while waiting for Rockelle.
Eventually, I heard her trotting up the stairs and prancing down the hallway to our room. I smiled and put the book down, placing a little scrap piece of paper on the page I was coloring.
Rockelle and I plop down happily in front of my dollhouse and pull out our dolls, dressing them for a new day. We prepare a school scene and make the two prettiest dolls get into a fight about Brad, the jock who every girl crushed on.
Mom came upstairs at around nine and knocked before entering my room. Rockelle was currently preparing breakfast for the girls, who were twins, and scolding them on fighting over Brad.
“Well, ladies, we shouldn’t ever have to fight our friends for the man we love. If he’s yours he’ll come to you.” She sits down on the floor next to us and smiles, picking up one of our dolls and absent mindedly fixing her hair.
“This doll is really pretty.” She gets distracted with it, as if remembering her old dolls. Then she remembered what she came up here for, “But, girls, it’s bedtime, so how about we get you two tucked in and ready for school tomorrow?”
“Mom, I don’t want to go to pre-school tomorrow!” Rockelle pouts, crossing her arms. “I want to stay home all day with you.”
Mom smiles. “I wish you could, sweetie, but you can’t. You have to go learn how to be nice in school, Nickolle did.”
“Why can’t you just teach me?”
“Because, mommy has to work.”
“Why?”
Mom smiles. “Why do you ask?”
Rockelle shrugs.
“Exactly, you’re stalling. Nickolle, do you want me to tuck you in?”
“No, thanks.” I climb into my bed and pull the kitten covers over my little body. “Goodnight, Mom, Rockelle, I love you.”
Mom kisses my head and finishes tucking me in, saying, “Goodnight, I love you, too.”
She picks Rockelle up and carries her out of the room, turning on the nightlight and closing the door behind me. I snuggle deeper into my covers, hoping to find a “husband” tomorrow.
I wake up and get dressed in excitement. I pull on my yellow T-shirt and bibs. I fasten the straps and brush my hair, pulling on my socks and sneakers.
I skip downstairs for breakfast, and Mom puts my favorite pancakes in front of me. I take a deep whiff and dig in, shoveling the chocolate-chip flavor into my mouth.
“Thanks for breakfast, mom.” I finish my breakfast and run back upstairs to brush my teeth. I go downstairs to Mom zipping my Sofia the First backpack up. I had a matching lunchbox with Sofia’s horse Minimus on it.
I smile and hug Mom tightly before going outside to watch for the bus. I look over at the house next door. It was empty, as it had been for a while. I see kids outside in the house across the street, running around the yard while their dad yells for them to get their butts in the house, but he didn’t say it so nicely.
I sit on our porch swing and sway in the wind. I was nervous and excited for the first day of school.
Finally, the kids across the street were lined up and two of them marched to the end of the driveway, bickering over whose fault it was that they got in trouble. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes, do siblings always fight like that?
They pushed each other until their dad slammed the door open. It even made me jump. They had lived there for as long as I could remember, and the dad was super scary, being six foot four with huge muscles and lots of tattoos. He also had this mean look in his brown eyes that scared everyone.
Mom says he had a rough childhood, and that he wasn’t really raised right. He was Mexican-American, and he served in the military at one point. I don’t know if he’s still on-call.
“Quit fighting you two dumbfucks, the bus will be here soon. You better not go to school all fucking dirty, ‘cause I sure as Hell ain’t bringin’ you nothin’ to change into.”
“We won’t!” The girl exclaims, rolling her eyes to her brother. “I hope.”
“Skylynn, quit running your fuckin’ mouth before I smack that attitude out of you. Oh, look at that, the bus is coming.”
Skylynn nods, nudging her brother. I walk off the porch and meet up with the group at the end of the street, where the bus stops.
“I love you, kids, have a nice day.” Their dad calls. I get on the bus and sit in the first seat. The twins walk a little further back, sitting in seat five, I think.
We go down a road a few roads away and stop in front of a white house. A cute boy climbs on the bus and he stops in the aisle as he surveys the seats. He looks over at me, and I feel my heart beat faster.
“Can I sit with you?” He asks, and his aqua blue eyes meet mine. I felt myself blush a little.
“Sure,” I grab my backpack and scoot closer to the window. He sits with me, smiling as he looks at my bag. “You like Sofia the First?”
I nod. “You like Blaze?” He nods in response. “I like Pickle, he’s funny.”
He laughs. “I like him, too. I like Blaze the most.”
I nod. “He’s interesting.”
We get to the school and I discover he’s in my class. My heart jumps for joy. I think I have a crush! I’m only five, though. Dad would probably be upset and tell me it wasn’t a crush, just a friend.
Our teacher, Mrs. Wilson, had us sit in a big circle so we could get to know each other. A boy with curly red hair went first, saying his name was Kayden.
Finally, it was the cute boy’s turn. “I’m Bryan Reede, and I like to hang out with my little brother.”
He was a big brother? How cute! I wonder if he gets along with his brother like I get along with my sister, or if he’s like the twins and gets in trouble.
“How cute!” Mrs. Wilson exclaims. “And how old would your brother be?”
“He’s three.” Bryan answers, as if he’s shy about it.
“That’s too cute! Alright, next?”
After a while, it’s my turn, and I stand up. I twirl my hair nervously. It’s brown at the roots, and it fades into black. It has something to do with my genetics from my parents being survivors of the Great Apocalypse, but I tell people my parents let me dye it. I don’t want to be considered a freak.
“My name’s Nickolle, and, um, I like kittens.”
“Ooh, how cute! I love kittens, does anyone else here like cats?” Mrs. Wilson raises a hand and looks around the circle. Bryan had his hand up, too.
I sit back down and the girl from the bus stop scoffs. “I’m Skylynn and I don’t like cats. They’re all dumb. I don’t like anything.”
Mrs. Wilson raises a shocked eyebrow. “Oh, okay.” She clears her throat awkwardly. “Well, continuing.”
The circle ends with Skylynn’s brother, who introduces himself as Cobra. He claims to like snakes- the gross things!- and Skylynn mumbled how he only did because he was named after one. I wonder why his parents chose Cobra, of all the boy’s names to choose from.
Mrs. Wilson smiles and announces that we’re starting today with coloring. We file back to our desks. I pull out my book with a bunch of different kittens for me to color. I begin the first page and trace lines for it to be a calico. I love calicos. They’re always called ugly, but they’re so sweet!
Suddenly, Bryan’s voice interrupts my focus, “Did you know calicos are usually females? It’s rare for them to be a male, but it’s possible.” I ruined my squiggly line. Good thing he won’t notice.
I look over at him, trying to hide my minor disappointment. “Uh, no. I didn’t.”
“Oh, well, now you know, I guess.” He stammers, blushing. I couldn’t help but smile, he’s so cute!
“Do you have any cats?” I ask.
He did, but it got run over. The poor thing. We colored for a minute before he blurted, “Do you think boys have cooties?”
I look over at him, kind of surprised. What do I say to that? After a moment of silence, I finally answered with a smile, “No, do you think girls have cooties?”
“No. I’m Bryan, by the way.”
“Nickolle.” We shake hands and I finish coloring my cat, moving on to the background. I notice Bryan watching me, and see his elephant is all messy- mostly white and the beach ball is only half heartedly colored.
Finally, I turned to him. “What?”
“Nothing, you’re just good at coloring. Do you color a lot?” He smiled at me, and I could see where some of his teeth had been growing back in. I couldn’t help but smile.
“I color a lot with my mom and little sister, she’s three.”
“I have a three-year-old brother!” He exclaims, and I laugh.
“I know, you said you enjoy hanging out with him.”
Bryan looks a bit embarrassed before continuing on. “His name’s Ryan. Kind of like mine.”
I find that stupid, but I don’t want to say that. “My little sister’s name is Rockelle. I also have a one-year-old sister named Nichelle. She’s the annoying one.”
“Must be hard to have a one-year-old always screaming.” He says.
“Yeah, but I still love her.” I finish my picture and he half-heartedly scribbles through his. Dad was right, I wasn’t going to find a boy who was interested in girl things. But this was just coloring, maybe he’d have fun playing house?
When color-time is over, we’re allowed to have free play for a while. Bryan follows me over to the kitchen set, where I grab a baby and shush it.
I spot him and smile. He was going to play house! With me! My heart jumped for joy, I couldn’t believe it.
“Would you mind holding the baby?” I ask when he sits down in what I decided to be the living room. “I have to go to the store.”
He took the baby doll and stared at it, as if in disbelief. I wonder how he would hold the baby if it were real. Or if it was his. I’m getting way ahead of myself! I’m way too young to have kids, but I know one day I want to be a mom.
I wonder if the kids will be with Bryan. I still don’t understand how we can both make a kid, but maybe one day we’ll know and we will. When we’re ready. If he’s ready, of course.
I wonder if he would look at his kid with love in his eyes, or even kids in general. I wonder if he likes younger kids, even though he’s still one himself. I wonder if he likes taking care of people.
I wonder a lot about him. Hopefully I get to know him better this year, and we have the same classes for the rest of our lives and we grow up and get married and have kids (somehow) and live happily ever after.
