The Eternal Sun

There I sat, ogling my ruby engagement ring that has lived on my finger for the past 40 years. I still couldn't bear to take it off.

It had been a month since Volterra, a month since Edward tried to ruin his life over Bella Swan, a human.

That choice shown me a side of Edward that even after all these years, I would never be able to comprehend.

My eyes grazed the golden frame of the ring, my thumb brushing the gem's cool surface as rain pattered on my Corvette's windshield.

Forty years. It had been forty years and I still couldn't take the ring off. Without it, I felt empty, as though the last remaining pieces of my human life had been carved away. I doubted that anyone who once knew me in my mortal life would even remember my name or what I looked like.

Sometimes, I can't help but wonder what had become of Jamie all these years later. Carlisle had made sure to shield me from the heartbreak that follows from the truth that everyone I'd known and loved has long since moved on without me. I wouldn't be surprised if Jamie moved on and built a life with someone else by now.

I shook my head and looked up from my pale, skinny hands. The rain had started to fall harder, as if it was trying to make a point to get me to go home.

I pulled my keys off my lap, and slid it into the ignition. When I come out here to brood, I usually don't leave my car running because I don't like wasting gas.

I turned the key and switched on the windshield wipers, watching them sweep across the glass so that they could clear the view for my drive home. I needed to get back soon, or else Esme would be worrying about me. The last thing I wanted to do to Esme was make her worry, especially after everything that has happened in the past month.

I swallowed my regret as I drove. The past was the past, and I couldn't do anything to change it. It still hurt more than it should have. If I could do it all over again, I wouldn't hesitate.

I sighed and gripped the wheel tighter as I got closer to the Cullen house. The closer I got, the harder it became as I tried to separate my thoughts from everything else. It felt like something inside me was slipping out of place...

"Farah." I blinked, forcing myself to ground back into the present. Edward's voice had cut through my mind, low and strained. "You're too loud."

"Get out of my thoughts." I hissed, pressing my hand against my temple. I was trying to shut him out, like it would actually work as if it ever had in the past.

"Farah." Edward's voice softened slightly, but it didn't lose its edge. "You're spiraling. Breathe."

I took a deep breath in, and I held it for a few seconds. Breathe in for two, hold for four, out for six.

I was getting closer to the house, and I could see the driveway rapidly approaching.

The Corvette purred as I pulled up to the house, coming to a stop alongside Edward's silver Volvo. I took the keys out of the ignition, and stepped out of my car.

The cold breeze blew past me, my long hair ruffling in the wind.

I walked up to the house, taking my flip phone out to check the time. Unlike the others, I never really saw a reason to upgrade. If it still works, why upgrade?

Even before I reached the porch, I could hear movement inside. Esme was in the kitchen while Alice was talking a mile a minute. Alice's voice drifted from the living room as I stepped into the house. It was rapid, and animated as always. Edward's replies were much quieter, measured. Judging by the snippets I could hear, they were discussing one of Alice's visions.

I had every intention of going straight to my room. The last thing I wanted was another conversation.

"...that's not what I saw, Edward."

I froze, turning around.

"What did you see, Alice?" I asked, walking to her and Edward.

"I saw Volterra," Alice said.

"And?" Edward asked, his arms crossed over each other.

Alice hesitated for a second.

"Farah was there."

My eyes widened slightly as I tried to make sense of it. Why Volterra? We'd only just returned from there a month ago.

Edward looked at me, then glanced back to Alice.

"Go on."

"Aro was smiling." Alice continued.

"Why was he smiling?" I asked

Alice frowned. "That's the problem. I don't know."

I rubbed my face and looked away from them. I needed to think.

A chill ran through me despite the fact that I couldn’t feel the cold.

Aro smiling was never a good thing.

That image brought me right back to Volterra. Red robes, ancient stone, the feeling that one wrong move would get Bella killed.

"I'll be back." I said, and turned away from both Alice and Edward.

"Farah, where are you going?" Alice called after me.

"To talk to Carlisle. He should know what to do." I replied, and walked off towards Carlisle's office.

I knocked on his office door. I didn't like just opening it and walking in like I owned the place, it just doesn't sit right with me.

"Come in" Carlisle called, and I pushed the door open.

"I need some advice." I said to him, closing the it behind me. I crossed the room to his desk.

"Of course. What's on your mind?" He asked, giving me his full attention. He shifted his gaze from the laptop on his desk to me.

"Alice had a vision." I breathed out, playing with the hem of my shirt as a way to calm myself. If anyone says that vampires don't fidget, they're lying.

"What did she see?" He looked at me, studying my expression.

"Me. She saw me, in Volterra. I was with Aro."

Carlisle paused. His thoughts were loud. Every individual thread overlapping until I couldn't make out what he was thinking. Not that I wanted to. Still, the silence made me uncomfortable.

He cleared his throat. "With Aro...?"

I nodded slightly, one hand behind my back, my fingernails digging into my palm. It was hard enough that it could draw blood, not that I even have to worry about that anymore.

"Start from the beginning." Carlisle said, it was almost as if he picked up on my nerves.

"Alice told me only a bit, but I could see it. I read her mind, she wasn't telling me much, so I could see the vision as she was trying to explain it to Edward and I. Nobody else knows, and it's probably better that way. Rose would crucify me, and I kinda like this life." I began, sitting half on his desk.

"Farah." He said, his tone telling me I needed to get to the point.

"Right. Sorry." I brushed my hand through my hair.

"Um.. In the vision, I was surrounded by the Volturi. Red robes and all." I managed a dry laugh before continuing. "I stood before Aro. He had my hand in his, and he was looking into my head. Aro had that gut wrenching smile on his face. He said nothing. I'm surprised I didn't flash on it. It would've been better if I flashed on it considering how much more detailed my visions are when I have them."

"Aro was holding your hand?" Carlisle asked, a look of concern briefly flashed on his features.

"Yeah. I just..." I drifted off, and rubbed my face with both of my hands.

I was trying so hard not to spiral.

Farah... You need to be strong. I breathed out.

"Was there anything else?" He looked at me, pulling me away from the spiral that was threatening to drag me under.

I shook my head. "Not that I could see. I didn't get to see all of it though." I replied, taking a slow breath in.

In for two, hold for four, out for six.

"Then we don't know enough to make conclusions."

I nodded slightly and stood on shaky legs.

That was clearly Carlisle trying to downplay the situation instead of feeding into my fear.

"I'll let you know if I hear or see anything else. Don't say anything to anyone else. Please."

"You have my word." He gave me a small charming smile, the kind of smile he gives patients when he's on his way to deliver bad news.

I walked to the door, and stepped out into the hallway, closing it quietly behind me.

In Carlisle's office, I felt safe.

Out here...? Out here was different.

Instead of Carlisle's comforting presence, I was left alone with my thoughts.

My thoughts weren't forgiving either.

I was spiraling, and I didn't think there was anything I could do to stop it.