Heart of the Omega

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Lena

My Child is dying

Failure. Shame

Emotion bites at my tired eyes, stinging with the tears that threaten.

My teeth worry the skin of my trembling lip as a pounding headache roars to life, a constant companion these last few months. It is mercilessly accompanied by the pull of my ever present fatigue. I fail to suppress the tremors in my hand as I reach to rub at the throb in my temples, unsuccessful in relieving even that. My misery is nearly consuming and a shuddering breath escapes the tightness of my hollow chest. I just cut short an agonized sob attempting to break forth. Here, in this bleeding place, I harbor no sweet hopes or prayers. There is only the harsh, raw truths of my failure. Failure.

Of my Death.

“Good eve, Lena” A soft voice speaks, Breaking melancholy’s daunting silence.

Though startled, I have no need to turn. I know Elder Amies has come and now stands nearby, maintaining a wealth of respectful distance. I am thankful to her for such instinctive insights, for I do not care for the closeness of others given the delicate state I find myself in these days.

“Sister” I acknowledge while working to stifle a brief flare of irritation. Elder, or Omega Sister Superior Amies, is a wise, caring soul who wishes nothing but the best for the circumstance I find myself in. It is no fault of hers I am unable to protect the life within my womb. That my child desperately clings to life; a fight that is surely to be lost. No, my upset is wrongly directed in this. It is I who I find great disappointment with. It is my failure, my own weakness that now brings the innocent within me to the precipice of death.

And where I will dutifully join shortly there after.

“Worthless Omega. What use are you but dried cunt?”

I hold back a fresh bout of tears that once again threaten and look up into the face of the Omega who now stands before me where I lay in the cushioned, lounge solace of The Gardens. Comfortably tucked behind the protected sanctuary housing treasured Omegas fleeing abuse, there resides a large flourishing garden. The Sacred Mother Omega Sanctuary maintains The Gardens on a parcel of land where the physical sanctuary also dwells right in front of it, blocking the precious space from view and the prying eyes of outsiders.

Here, where this shaded pile of cushions and silk pillows reside while adorned by gauze drapes, comfort is provided for one to rest and get much needed fresh air. Leagues before me the scene is nothing but miles of rolling hills broken up by small, sprawling farms housing individual family cottages. Wispy smoke rises from rooftops, as if signaling the end of a long day, while the Brother sun sets to the south. A blossoming pang of hurt pierces throughout my chest at the view before me.

This is the vision I dreamed of for my life.

“Lena? Lena, dear, did you hear me?” Comes Sister Amies gentle, urging voice. I blink, realizing I entirely missed what has been said. Though, instead of her annoyance, I’m graced with a soft smile. Seating herself on a nearby tufted stool, Sister Amies takes in my appearance with a practiced eye. I can only imagine what it is that she sees when casting her gaze upon my form, although I can surmise a hearty guess. Never one of great beauty, my pallor is now sickly asheen in hue. Cheeks gaunt and eyes set in dark shadows that reflect the deep sickness that rages throughout my flailing form. It seems I was not lucky enough to lose the complete fullness of my thighs and hips, much to my dismay. My bosom still swells generously and, although I have lost a wealthy amount of my heavy form, there is no doubt that I am a woman amble in stature. Another failure in this life. Omega’s are adored as small and daintily built. Delicate so as to call forth the protective nature of their Alpha counterparts. Another shame I bring in burden.

“How are you this day, Lena dear?” She inquires. My sunken eyes find hers as if to say must you really ask?

“I am...very tired,” I confess. Tired, weak, hungry, hurting, and scared to death. Scared. to. death. I sigh, just tired of being tired. Nothing but broth now stays down and my limbs tremble like the breeze. I’m plagued with bouts of dizziness, headaches, sleeplessness, and body aches. It takes all I can muster to pull myself from the small chambers I reside in and make my way to this peaceful spot daily. The small trek from my rooms to my place here leaves me winded, spinning with the overwhelming urge to purge my stomach of what little contents that remain down.

My time nears. And soon.

It will be a woefully bittersweet end to a life only partially lived; and painfully so at that. The poor are seldom privileged the blessing to live life full of affection. I was not greatly loved as a child. My family had many mouths to feed and my parents, unhappily so, worked to the bone everyday to fill those belly’s. For it was not so much they were cruel or uncaring as that they were merely… empty. Lifeless from days of simply existing instead of living.

The day I presented as Omega was of the greatest relief to them. I was a coveted dynamic and a number of rich Alpha’s would trade heartily for one to breed a child on such as I. Although I knew what was to become my lot in life, I was not sad to see them go. Nor they I. No lost love was had in our parting of ways.

Every Omega knew what was to be her cross to bear. The life of an Alpha’s Omega was rumored to be a terror to be had. There was minimal love in the pairing between Omegas who were sold off to rich (often old and sterile to boot) Alphas desiring the status an Omega wife would elevate them to. For more money than my family would see in three lifetimes, I was sold off to a high born Alpha older than my own father.

In this I was lucky. Marcus Shreveport wanted no wife, Omega or otherwise. He enjoyed the company of eligible, handsome young men. He was a widower with two grown sons for heirs and needed a young wife so as to continue his dalliances in private. While pompous to be sure, Marcus never touched me beyond the breaking of my hymen on our wedding night. Therefore after, I was never touched again in any sexually intimate matter at his hands. Nor by any others, for that matter. A blessing I took for what it was.

He did me a sort of kindness by explaining what position I would hold as his wife in polite society; with nothing more beyond appearances. I would be cared for and kept safe. At the time of his ultimate passing he would, in return, leave a wealthy sum in my name so long as I kept his secret thus. And kept his word he did.

For four years I wanted for nothing. I lived grand and, dare I say, happily. Marcus was my greatest friend, and like a fond uncle, indulged my every whim. Parties and picnics, balls, and tea parties. His long time lover was a young man some years my senior named Harvey, and we too spent long hours and days enjoying company. But nothing good lasts forever and my life was once again not to be my own.

The two lovers found themselves victim to a rampaging sickness that swept the land. While I survived the night, my two best friends in the world did not live to greet the morning. I was torn asunder by grief, it gripping hard at my heart while my world as I knew it changed yet again with their passing. But even in this I was not to be afforded the respect of time to mourn. Within days of Marcus’ demise, his greedy sons came through like a rampage and seized all within their power. Still sick and weak in recovery of my own, I found myself secreted away. With no voice as my advocate, held captive.

Michael Shreveport was a cruel Alpha, a terrible man. With a single encounter, I knew so at once. It became blatantly clear upon our introduction he’d come to covet me for himself - And covet me he did. I found myself abducted. By dead of night, I was whisked away to a remote property and there I was kept, raped, and knotted through my first true heat. Pain, stark and terrifying pain, was all I remember of that horrific night. In my innocence, I was violated and abused in ways one such as I could have never deemed imaginable. Alone and Isolated, I had only myself and the few staff there who bore witness my endless torment.

Neither compassion nor tenderness was spared to me in his care. Michael only truly cared for himself and I was often tormented for his own deprived pleasures. I knew no joys in all the years I was held prisoner in the Alphas clutches. I came to loath the name Stonehurst Manor, the inherited legacy left behind by my beloved husband. The rich, lavish estate housed a devoted staff of few, with a dozen rooms mostly unused and spiraling, lush gardens kept up in regal appearance.

The properties beauty and wealth did nothing to atone for horrors committed behind its walls. My single blessing to be found was in my lady’s maid, Clara. A mature beta woman and older than me by some years, Clara was a silent companion who endured by my side as the seasons passed. She befriended me immediately and it was her friendship that saved my life.

Yet in the end, it would cost Clara her own.

A shuffle of clothing draws my attention back to The Sister as she turns herself in my direction. The Superior gently exhales before delivering my sentence.

" You must take an Alpha, Lena”

The horror I expected, the anxiety and hysteria I thought would come, did not. I felt the fear. Oh that was very much present. Nausea, a now everyday occurrence, churned roughly in my stomach. But since the moment I made it into the walls of the sanctuary, I knew it to be the only possible outcome. Even armed with that knowledge, maybe still...

“There is no other way, truly?” I whisper. Like as if to say it aloud would bring horrors raining down upon me. I rest my weak hand on the slight curve of my stomach. There, a faint, struggling heart beat flutters beneath my touch.

Oh, my dear child. I am so sorry, My sweet blessing.

“A pregnant Omega must have an Alpha near during the height of her pregnancy..” Her sharp eyes assess, taking measure and note as she speaks.

“You are remarkable in that you have managed to carry through the early stages of gestation without one” She says, pride echoing through the gentle words.

“This is especially remarkable given the first few months are the most tedious for both mother and child” A pause follows. “You are… truly unique”

Sparkling green eyes lift to meet my own. “But you are waning, dear girl...”

“...And your child is dying”.

I allow a single tear to fall. Just one. For my child. That is all I have left to give her. Head spinning, I sit up with help from the Sister.

“What have the elders decided?” I ask, breathing deeply.

“We are all in accord, dear girl. Discussions are being had on how best to move forward w the selection process” Amies supplies.

I swallow past a dry throat. Could I survive another Alpha? What Alpha would take in a pregnant Omega? And raise another’s seed? It seems so far-fetched to even imagine.

“No Alpha will have another man’s seed, Amies. I know you mean well, but.. ” I suddenly feel the reserves of my energy deplete and lay back to rest once more. My heart quickens in my chest. I try not to let the shroud of bleak doubt cloud my thoughts, but the probability of this plan finding any success is. . far reaching. At best.

My heart hangs heavier still. I reluctantly meet her eyes. "Any Alpha would feel cheated out of his own heir. We would become outlets for his anger, Sister, or worse…” Or worse, separated. Killed. I wouldn’t survive it.

“My sweet girl, the world can be kinder than you think” Amies calmly assures as she rises to her feet. As always, she graces me with a warm smile full of affection and care. She is a unique kind of Omega, I have frequent thought. In my time here i’ve taken note that The Sister Superior is unlike any other who resides within, and cares for us, behind these walls. Unlike any I have ever spent my time with or around. Graceful and serene, The Sister is a being almost otherworldly, never rising in contempt or temperament. Admiration is to be had for her endless resolve, her patient care, and seemingly limitless understanding.

" I will bring your concerns up with the elders, but for now, try to rest, Lena. Reserve your strength. I will have something to eat brought out for you shortly.” There is a thoughtful look before she continues.

“Sleep amongst the stars tonight. See if you do not find your peace, my dear” Coming to kneel before me, Amies pressed her brow to my own. A few short seconds pass as I wait, anticipation thrumming along my skin while I seem to softly catch my breath. I am rewarded when, within a split moment, the familiar warmth of her energy seeps into my bones, spreading wide into every pore. Such as the tide, a calm washes throughout me and I am lured to rest where sleep finds me at once.