Painful Pleasure

James Louis

8:02 am - Anderson High School - Anderson, Indiana

The bell at the end of class rang, and Mr. Lewis dismissed us, "Apart from you Louis".

"Me?"

The strong tone when he said my name, meant he was mad about something.

As I collected my things, he strutted towards my desk. I sat back down, waiting for my lecture.

What came instead was a kiss.

I was distraught...

He pulled back and all I could do was sit there like a dear in headlights. I wasn't gay, I didn't like him that way, I didn't even like his class. But he clearly had other feelings. After going back closing, and locking the door, he came back for more but I refused. I stood up and backed away. He looked as though he was ready for it, because he advanced.

I tried screaming, but he grabbed me by my face, and covered my mouth. I didn't know what to do, I was a 10th grade student in Anderson, Indiana with average strength. Then there was this fully developed, 34 year old man taking advantage of me... What would you do?

He started taking off his clothes and I took advantage of his busy hands to grab my things from the nearby desk and run. I wrestled with the door, but made it out without him attacking again.

I ran down the hallway, in tears, not making any sense of the situation. I didn't even bother going to my next class. I ran out of the building, all the way home. I never stopped.

My mother saw me running through the house and shouted after me, "Honey?, why home so early? School just started."

I shouted back, "I'm not going back!"

She came to my closed door, but I had locked it and was not going to open it for a while. I lay on my bed, staring at the ceiling, in tears. I didn't know what else to do. I still had my clothes on, all my stuff in my arms, laying there crying.

After a long while of sobbing and sniffling, I sat up and set my things on the side table. I got up to get dressed as my mum called to me again and said, "Hun? I've made lunch if you want some."

I replied, "No thanks... I'm fine"

When I had taken off my school clothes and put on some boxers, I lay back down without a shirt and thought about what to do for school tomorrow. I knew I had to go back, that didn't mean I wanted to go back.

I wondered whether or not Mr. Lewis would try to do anything again, I wondered whether I would do the same thing again, or if I would put up a better fight.

As I lay still thinking, I drifted into a restless sleep.

I woke in a startle. With an erection. I had been dreaming about Mr. Lewis, but in my mind I knew that I didn't like men. But my body was telling me something different.

Everybody has wet dreams, I thought, but not ones about the same gender, I'm sure!

I opened my door quickly and rushed down the hall to the restroom.

I was trying my best to avoid my mum, but as I hurried down the hall, she shouted, "James?"

I locked myself in the bathroom in order to be left alone. I didn't want her bothering me while I thought about the day.

My thoughts were racing, I didn't know what to think. Why would he do something like that? Why me? Why couldn't he have left me alone? I didn't know any of the answers and I didn't know anyone who would.

I stood with my hands holding my weight on the counter. I looked myself in the mirror. I could see why I suppose... I wasn't bad looking. But ME?

I tried ignoring my dream about it. but every time I tried, it my erection pulse.

I tried my best to ignore the things my body were telling me, but it was impossible.

I grabbed my razor to shave, and pulled out my shaving cream. I applied it and started shaving. As I started on the second half of my face, I pulled the blade away and looked at the razors.

My stubble in between the blades and the shaving cream around the whole thing.

I finished shaving and washed my face and the razor. When I finished washing everything, I put my shaving cream away, and laid my razor down next to my hand.

I looked at it for a while. A long time actually. I picked it up, and took out the blades. I heard my mum in the hall, "James! Dinner is ready!"

I was startled and dropped the blades on the counter. I picked them back up and rinsed them in the sink. I looked at myself again in the mirror. Tall, slender, blue eyes, dark brown hair, toned muscles. I was attractive, and Mr. Lewis knew it.

I put four of the five razors down and kept one in my right hand. I put the razor to my left wrist as I thought of cutting it. I let it rest there for a long while, contemplating. Suddenly my mum yelled, "James! Dinner!" The startle made me jump. My hand slid and the razor cut my wrist. I didn't feel pain. I felt... pleasure. The drops of blood that fell into the sink dazzled my eyes and for some reason I got another erection.

Not thinking about Mr. Lewis, but looking at the cut. I picked up the razor, which had fallen on the counter and cut myself once again. The sliding of the razor through my skin giving me a rush a painful pleasure. I cut myself again and again and again, going all the way up my arm. Soon my entire forearm was covered in arm-width, horizontal cuts. It was almost... beautiful. The rain of blood that fell into the sink was astounding to watch. Despite the fact that it was my own.

I put the razor down with the others on the counter and just looked at my arm. The bleeding slowed and soon stopped.

I looked at myself in the mirror. I still saw everything I did before, but now there was a beautiful work of art on my arm.

I was afraid my mum would see them, so I put the razors and my razor holder in a droor. I flushed the toilet for a distraction and washed my hands. My mum comes to the door again, banging harder this time, "James, don't make me come in there!"