What is your opinion?
✨Marvelous✨
"1. Amazing plot and story pace. A lot of action and fights were going on which I loved. Characters took some of my time to understand them. I read this book 2 days ago but I forgot to write a review. > I am today in a mood to critcize so be prepared author. 😈 1. 'She gave Nevada the puppy eyes and started to cry like a baby.' Nothing is wrong with this line but she should have some sportsman spirit like why are you crying like a baby you idiot. Sorry I might have got carried away. 2. 'One of them started feel like their skin was being devoured by leeches and after a while their skin gone and the muscles were visible.' (I am not quoting the lines right and I am sorry for that) Skin being devoured by leech like things. How fast are these leeches eating their skin that the muscles started to show up. 3.' they were both at the infirmary (Nevada and the Enchantress) after the fight.' Are these people okay. Why are they putting two people in the same room after a fight. They will kill each other. Is there a shortage for extra rooms. All jokes aside this author has wrote a really good description and action scenes. I will give it 10/10. ~Lots of love and support from me. 🖤🖤🖤"
Good read
"This isn't normally the genre of book I'd go for but I liked the story and it's good to be introduced to new things. The characters and the plot kept me interested throughout. Good work!"
Compelling Plot
"This has the beginnings of a captivating, creative story. However, the grammar and punctuation can make the story difficult to read. After seeing your plans for turning it into a comic/ manga, I read it more so from the perspective of one instead of from the perspective of a novel, which helped piece everything together. The story (writing in particular) comes across as if you’re getting words and ideas down on paper. It’s more of a rough draft or an outline which I think will be helpful in defining the moments you want to depict in the future comic/ manga. It seems you’re writing more in terms of a comic with the direct, expressive dialogue instead of writing in terms of a book. With comics having the art/ visual aid of scenes and characters, it can be difficult to turn these scenes to words on paper. Perhaps if you were to create the comic and see how it plays out visually, it could help with the writing aspect and cohesiveness of the book. If you decide to go back and edit (focusing on grammar, punctuation, and sentence structure) this would provide a great, in depth, version of the comic/ manga you have in mind. I think it’s cool and a wonderful idea to have a book behind your comic as it will provide more lore and give you space to expand your story. I liked the characters, their personalities, and the stories behind them. You had some great, strong lines of dialogue I enjoyed reading. Overall, I believe this is a very creative and imaginative world. I’ve always enjoyed reading because it’s beautiful to see the creativeness and sheer imaginations of others. You have really great ideas along with a compelling plot, and I’m interested to see where the story leads. If you ever decide to turn it into a comic/ manga, this story, with its plot, action, and characters, would make for a colorful, immersive comic!"
It's good
"The storyline is great. When I read it, I notice a few spelling mistakes and overall this is an awesome idea... And I like how the story flows too. "
Needs Work
"I think the plot in and of itself is good, but the writing style and grammar needs a lot of work. The spelling, punctuation, and grammatical issues made it hard to read, so it's difficult to even be immersed in the plot you've laid out when the flow of the wording just feels jarring and not together, especially with the punctuation errors. I also think you write in passive tense a lot, which can be confusing since the tense tends to switch. I would try to write in active voice as much as you can, only using passive if necessary (since sometimes it is). I also think this does suffer from the showing vs. telling issue a lot of writers face. You give us a lot of information up front that could be weaved in the text, so I think that's something that can be improved. However, you've accomplished the biggest feat which is coming up with an engaging and original idea. Lots of people are unable to do that, so that's half the battle. I just think you need to hone in the technical side of things, which is something that'll come with time. You can't really teach people how to be creative or have good ideas (and it's not really something you can learn), but you can learn grammar and technical skills, so don't be discouraged. I'd recommend reading a lot and you'll learn through osmosis that way. Also, use Grammarly. The free version will help out with a lot of the basic errors and through looking at that you'll learn as you go. I hope this helps! Keep it up :)"
