The Deviants

The soft, slow creaks of grandma Rosaline’s rocking chair soothes Aberdeen as she gently entwines her fingers in his hair. At 10 years old, he’s getting a bit heavy for Rosaline to sit him on her lap, but she does so anyway. She knows she doesn’t have much time left; retirement age is coming. You see, there are no old people in the Utopia. There are only babies, young children, and healthy, middle-aged adults. Once you reach retirement at the age of 63, your life is over. Those left behind make a great feast in your name to honor you and go to sleep at a curfew. When they wake up the next day and find you gone, they know you went to Heaven. No one knows where Heaven is, but it is said that it’s a beautiful place where God takes care of you. Rosaline, however, knows it’s not real. But she knows to never say that out loud. She is careful. Anything she says can cut her time short. All she wants is to enjoy the last three years she has with her grandson.

They spent a few hours in silence, when Aberdeen said, “Grandma…”

“Hm?” Rosaline stops rocking the chair and looks into Aberdeen’s eyes. In his big, brown innocent eyes, she sees curiosity. A look that she wishes to never have witnessed. “Aberdeen…think carefully before you say anything further, okay?”

Aberdeen stops to think for a bit. “I’m curious about God.”

Rosaline finally lets go of the tension she was holding, exhaling a sigh of relief. “Oh Aberdeen, you should know all there is to God, they teach about Him at school all the time, don’t they?”

“Yes. But grandma. Where does God come from?”

“He comes from the Heavens, dear.”

“But where in the Heavens? I keep looking up at the sky to see if I can find Him, but I never can.”

“Oh honey, God doesn’t come from the sky. He comes from the Heavens!”

“But what are the Heavens?” Aberdeen pauses, thinking. “And why do people have to go there when they retire? What happens there?”

“I- I’m not sure how to answer your question, dear. The Heavens are the Heavens, and you live happily for the rest of eternity there when you retire.” Of course, Rosaline is only repeating the same continuous droning students are taught at school in the Utopia. She knows what Aberdeen is asking but doesn’t want to corrupt her grandson. She’s worried he’ll only become more curious if she tells him her opinion. No one likes a deviant. Deviance will only get you killed in this world. But how can a 10-year-old know about death when even other adults don’t know? The things Rosaline has witnessed can never be shared with another.

Aberdeen makes a face, showing his dissatisfaction. “Grandma. Why are the Heavens said to be a happy place if you’re away from your family? What happens if you don’t want to retire? Why do we—”

“Aberdeen!” Rosaline exclaimed in a hushed tone, “Never, EVER, ask those questions again! We shouldn’t doubt what we’re given. We’re fortunate and should be grateful for the things we have!”

“But grandma, I’m just curious! Why can’t we talk about it?”

“Aberdeen…being overly curious isn’t a good thing. Focus on school and be a good student. Education is important! That way you can be a teacher in the future.”

“Grandma, I don’t know if I want to be a teacher.”

“Oh honey, do you not like school?”

“…not really.”

“You know the only reason people go to school is to be a teacher. What else could you be?” These words hurt Rosaline as she said them. Even in her old age she often thought of what else she could’ve been other than a teacher. At one point she thought she could be an artist, she loved to secretly draw trees and flowers, but only those appointed by the government could be artists. All art looked the same and at times, Rosaline wondered if there was only one appointed artist. What she would give to go to a place where she could express herself.

“-ma…-andma…Grandma!” Aberdeen’s call snapped Rosaline out of her thoughts, “Hm?”

“What are you thinking about?”

“Oh nothing…” Rosaline paused for a second. She looked at Aberdeen’s curious eyes and for just a moment, she wanted to tell him everything she’s gone through. She wants to cry to someone. She swallows down her vulnerable thoughts and says, “I just love spending time with you, Abe. I love you.” She kisses Aberdeen’s forehead and spaces out again. It’s almost time for Aberdeen’s parents to come home from working at the school.

After dinner, Aberdeen goes to his room. He is supposed to be studying, but instead, opens a book to pretend like he’s practicing his reading and begins to draw on an empty piece of notebook paper. Swirls cover the top-half of the page, dancing together to create a sky. Circles, big and small, decorate the sky – stars. Below, a round oval with dark hair sits on what is the ground, looking up. He’s drawn himself in a nighttime scenario, best as he could. It’s in pencil since no one in the Utopia can have crayons or colored pencils; only appointed artists can draw in the Utopia. He admires his drawing in secret. What is beyond the sky? Is Heaven there? Is God there? Why do stars exist where the Heavens are supposed to be? What really happens when we go there?

Questions float in Aberdeen’s head. He remembers that when he was a 6-year-old, a teacher at school was carrying a child in her tummy – a boy. Everyone was so excited to see the baby, but one day, the teacher disappeared and never came back to school. He wonders what happened to her, but most importantly, what happened to the baby. No one talked about it, but whenever a kid asked, the adults would question whether what the child was saying was true. And in a way, all children forgot about this “non-existent” teacher and her unborn baby. It was like the teacher was wiped away from the earth. No one understood where she went. Unbeknownst to Aberdeen, the grown-ups believed she and her baby went to Heaven. Maybe they were sick, and God took them to his eternal palace. One thing was for sure though, the children were too young at the time to understand why God takes the sick to Heaven. So, the grown-ups at Aberdeen’s school got together and made a unanimous decision to pretend like she never existed. However, the truth was that she was caught being a deviant. One day, while she was sitting in a corner of the playground, watching kids play, a child asked her to tell them a story. She said, “I have the perfect story for you!”

“A story about God?” the child asked. “My mom always tells me stories about God!”

“No, not about God. About my baby!” She exclaimed.

The 6-year-old was told a story about how the teacher had a dream that her baby spoke to her. She said that her baby said there was once other lands, where people had freedom and people could choose where they went, what they worked as, how much money they spent, and more. The child, not knowing this was a story of a deviant, went and told their mother this story. In the Utopia, people who hear odd stories not pertaining to God or the Heavens, or stories that speak badly of God or the Heavens, are told to call a special number. This phone number is ingrained into everybody’s mind from the young age of 8. The child’s mother followed the rules, not realizing that there were consequences to her actions. When the teacher was gone the next day, the mother wondered if the teacher and her baby got sick. When time passed and the teacher never returned, the mother fully believed that God took them away to the Heavens.

When Aberdeen found out the teacher was missing, he made a promise to himself to never forget her and her baby. He wanted to remember them because she was his favorite teacher. She would always tell Aberdeen special stories, ones about seas, and the sky, and how God isn’t who anyone thought he was. He remembers going to sleep at night, recalling those stories, wondering if there was any truth to them. Aberdeen never told anyone these stories because he believed that they were secret. He always believed in his heart that he and the teacher had a special bond. She was a grown-up that felt like a mother to him. He considers her unborn baby to be his baby brother, and to this day, holds her memory close to him. That’s why he wants to learn where people who go to Heaven actually go. What happens to them? Would he ever be able to see her and his brother ever again?

Aberdeen felt something heavy drop in his stomach. Would he ever be able to see her and his brother ever again? That question made an unrecognizable emotion sprout within him. This emotion crops up every now and then, but it usually stays hidden. Today, he couldn’t help the immense sadness that creeped into his heart. He understood he was sad, but this sadness was…more. He looked at his textbook, open to a page about the Heavens. He swallowed down a whimper and jumped into bed. Under the protection of his covers, he silently cried; missing the only person he felt a connection to, and the unborn child whose identity got stripped from him even before he got to see the light of day.