I trust you are not G! (but actually I’m not)

Metztli Night

2 chapters read

Jun 10, 2023

Need more description

"The story is there and interesting but it's hard to imagine the scenes. It's action and fast pace even though it's not a suspense scene. Need to ease into each part and help readers imagine the situation. There wasn't a description of the characters and when the MC walked into the office there was less to none of what she was seeing other than two men on top of each other. Was one sitting in the lap of the other? Were they on top of each other on the ground? Like what is the scene readers are seeing here? "

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Abeer

3 chapters read

Dec 22, 2024

Review

"You have done a good job so far. You have a nice story to tell. The plot is compelling. I can give you tips for grammar and description though I am not too good at this myself. Your story is very engaging but there are grammatical errors. If English is not your first language, you can use apps like Grammarly. To add descriptions, keep in mind that you know the context but your readers don’t. Overall, it’s a nice story. Keep up the great work. Your book has loads of potential.❤️🤩"

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Riya Vats

3 chapters read

Jun 7, 2023

I trust you are not G!

"So, I just finished reading the four chapters of this story, and I have a few thoughts to share. First things first, it would be awesome if the title, you know like, "An Unexpected Scene," could be highlighted in some way, like making it bold or italicized. That way, it's super clear that it's the title of the chapter. I noticed some general spelling and grammar mistakes throughout the chapter. It'd be great if those could get fixed up, you know, to make the reading experience smoother and more enjoyable. I gotta say, though, the plot is pretty interesting! The title really captures what's happening in the story, and that connection is pretty cool. But I think the character could use a bit more fleshing out. It's kinda hard to fully grasp the situation when you don't know much about the character. So, adding more details about them, like their personality, background, and thoughts, would really help me understand what's going on. Oh, and the age gap between the characters. It's kinda glaring to see a teacher forcefully starting a relationship with a student, right? So, it would be good to mention how big that age difference is. It'll help make things less confusing and give us a better sense of the dynamics at play. Overall, with a little bit of attention to these areas, your book "I trust you are not G!" can become even more captivating and polished. I'm excited to see where the story goes from here!"

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ViejodelMar

0 chapters read

Jun 24, 2023

I'm afraid you lost me

"I know you have a story to tell. But your first paragraph lost me. Many writing instructors tell you to just get the words on paper during the first draft so that your thoughts flow freely. Let's take that as our starting point. You're getting your story down without worrying about anyone else reading it yet. Let's get started. I typed your first paragraph out so we could review it in detail. One peaceful day on a Tuesday morning, Mina a 22-year-old college student went to the staff room in the west wing of the main college building to meet with her GL instructor (group leader) to ask about her attachment place replacement. One of the staff who is handling the attachment student form is missing out on her form. And now she needs to find another one because the previous place has been fully booked by other students. It’s college rules allowing only 4 students can share the same company. Let's just get her to the staff room. "Twenty-two-year-old college student Mina walked across campus to meet her Group Leader in the staff room about her attachment company assignment." I couldn't figure out what 'attachment place replacement' meant (I even tried to look it up) so I assumed that from the use of 'company' in the last sentence, it was some sort of work-study program. "She needed him to help her find another one of the staff members that handled attachment assignments to sign off on her form. She had lacked a signature on her other request and missed out on being placed when four other students were assigned. College rules permitted only four students per company." That's not really clean, but it will give you an idea about using active voice and eliminating extraneous information that doesn't move the story forward. Here are some tools you might consider using: 1.Grammarly free version. It will help you make your first, get-the-words-on-paper draft cleaner. 2. Use MS Word Spell Check when you're ready to do your first edit. It's easier and faster to let an AI bot do it. 3. Sign up to AuthorsAI. They have a free editing AI bot that will identify places for you that might need changes. 4. When you've got your story where you think you're almost there, use MS Word Text-to-Voice to listen to your story. That will help you hear where your words don't flow. It's also good for identifying small errors like 'he' when you meant 'her'. And since Grammarly will be following along, you'll have another run at cleaning up things you missed before. You've taken an important step. You started. You had the courage to put your work out in public. You had the imagination to create a story. That's the important part. The rest is learnable. Remember, you got the important stuff right. KEEP WRITING!"

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