SADIE

THE START

My first love died at the age of 12. I call her my sun these days, as the life I live without her is like being stuck in an abyss without the will to move.

I closed my eyes and rode my soul to the year 2011, to the heart of a 6-year old me. The sound of bustling in the cafeteria filled my ears as my eyes opened to a licked clean plate. What an embarrassing kid I was, licking the plate clean so as to be praised by my ignorant teacher. Quite a devil she was, walked from desk to desk with a ruler in one hand and her slippers thrown away to the side. So, we never heard her sneaking behind us, ready to scream the shit out of us.

I walked with my tray to the lunch lady, making her give me a cold look with the playful smile I flashed her way as I gave her my tray. I skipped back to my table but on the way I saw a familiar figure.

A girl stood a few inches away from me with that familiar long and dry hair put into a neat braid that fell down her back. The 15-year-old that resided in the body of the 6-year-old, recognized the person that stood before her but she remained quiet watching the act play before her without any interruptions.

The excited 6-year-old me ran all the way to the girl. A few seconds later I found myself standing in front of a confused girl and me trying my best to open my mouth. “Ummm…. Do you maybe remember me…”?

A long silence and a weird look given by the girl filled the air with an unknown tension.

“You may know my cousin, Sam…she introduced me to you”. The girl started to look more annoyed than confused. The dormant 15-year-old slapped her hand against her forehead at the awkwardness of her 6-year-old self.

“I’m Aurcel, I was in the same nursery school as you and my cousin Sam is sort of your friend” Finally, I was able to grab the courage that went down to my feet back to my fist and struck an almost perfect punch. A bit delayed but at least I got a response.

“I’m sorry but I don’t know you or your cousin” was the last and the only thing the girl with the braid said before walking away without a single glance.

That was not the response I expected!!!!

In the future I meet many new people but none of them left an impression like you did. And none of them were ever stalked by me. Sure, I did kind of follow them around like an obedient dog but I never barked at them to remember me like I did with a certain someone. I think that’s enough for the weird metaphors.

A bony frame with an awkward haircut that touched my cheeks, neatly dressed but as soon as I would step into the bus, I’d be an utter mess. Despite how terrible I looked without me even realizing it, I had this goofy toothy grin plastered on my face almost 24/7.

My daily ritual was to miss the bus and yes I missed the bus again today so my dad drove me to school and of course I reached late, all my classmates had already gone to the cafeteria for breakfast which consisted of either a barely toasted bread with butter or jam, or some type of greasy Indian food.

My heart pounded as I waited for everyone to come back to the class, my legs shook from the anxiety. The devil of a teacher was going to eat me alive for breakfast.

10 minutes later, my classmates arrived, almost everyone gave me a pitied look except the boy that looked like a shark with his spiky hair and sharp pointy teeth who gave me his unique shark grin like that over excited character in an anime. I wondered if one of his parents was actually a shark.

The sound of block heels against the marble floor slowly filled the classroom in a chilling silence and soon arrived the culprit of the noise. The devil trapped in a woman’s body with light skin, thick red lipstick and her dark black eyes that were coated with eye shadow and eyeliner, stared right into my innocent brown eyes. She stood behind the table and the moment she opened her mouth it was basically the end my life.

I walked back to my bus in the afternoon with my head low and my feet following the pattern of the tiles on the ground. Since I first came to this school, I’ve always gone by the bus. At first it was scary but it got better as I made friends.

I climbed up the creaking steps, my eyes searched for an empty seat while avoiding the seats at the very back since they were reserved for the older kids. I sat down with my bag next to me and waited for my bus friends to arrive.

The heart of the 15-year-old sped up a little as she watched the day roll by from her younger self’s eyes. Tears would well up in her eyes but never did a drop roll down her cheek, no matter how many changes took place for her, she knew deep down that they couldn’t be stopped and neither did she regret it. It made her the person she is today. But there is a part she regrets and wishes for it to never happen.

“Did you finish drinking your milk”

“Yes maa, I did” I replied to my mom’s commanding tone that came from the kitchen. Everyday I had to drink milk, even before I entered the house, my tongue would try its best to escape the punishment that awaited but that jerk could never escape as I kept my mouth shut tight.

It’s not that I hated milk, honestly I loved to drink milk with bornvita (a chocolate powder). I’d even kill to eat the chocolate powder straight from the jar. The problem was that I was forced to drink milk everyday and it was unfair, some of my classmates wouldn’t even drink milk but here I was sitting with a big glass of milk and a mom who would yell at me to the point I would burst out crying.

I gulped the chocolate milk, licking my lips after I was done. (It still wasn’t that great I swear)

A few weeks passed by and I still had no progress with the girl with the braid except her name. Our teacher would take attendance every day of the week, one day when I wasn’t distracted by anything, I heard her call out the name of the girl with the braid. Her name started with the letter S like the sun and the stars and ended with the letter E like the word ‘end’. The girl with the braid was now Sadie, thank god I didn’t have to call her the girl with the braid anymore.