That Summer

’My mother always told me not to trust anyone. She said that the world was a cruel and horrible place, full of assholes and liars, murderers and rapists, and people who would willingly stab you in the back for fame or glory. What she didn’t say, was that not all people are like that. That some people are kind, and make honest mistakes, and are deserving of redemption and forgiveness.

My mother told me that people don’t wear signs on their heads, telling the world who they are. That they wore masks, concealing their true identities and darkest thoughts. And that their masks symbolised the suspenseful wait for betrayal and covering up of secrets.

But what if you could see behind the mask, before it was even taken off? What if you could see the signs on everyone’s heads? It sounds crazy, right? An unrealistic and ridiculous thought. But true.’

A baby cries. It lay in a cot, wrapped loosely in a light blue blanket, squirming irritably with it’s clenched little hands in the air, swaying and reaching for it’s parents who were both down stairs in the kitchen, eating a breakfast meal of eggs and bacon, that their two older children, Benson (aged five) and Naveah (aged seven), had prepared for them.

The tiny speaker on the kitchen bench crackled as the baby’s cries echoed through it. The parents didn’t stir. The mother’s eyes trained on her phone as she multi tasked between eating hastily and texting busily, and the father stared intently at the newspaper, occasionally breaking away to take a bite of the scrambled eggs.

Naveah Tygart glanced at Benson. “Make sure the bacon doesn’t burn.” She told him, before she walked speedily out of the quiet kitchen and raced up the stairs to the baby’s bedroom. Naveah entered the room, as she neared the cot, she pinched her nose and wrinkled up her face. She gulped a breath and held it as she then stepped onto the step next to the cot and peeked over the edge to see her baby sister rolling about, tears staining her rosy red cheeks.

Naveah picked up the crying baby. She held it as though it were a live grenade, ready to explode at any second. She carried it to the small stand and proceeded to undress the baby and take its nappy off to replace it with a fresh, clean one.

“Naveah!” Her mother called. “Time for school!”

Naveah carefully put the baby back in it’s cot then rushed out the room. As she entered the room, she noticed both her parents dressed in their suits, now holding brief cases and heading for the front door.

“Come on Vay, I’ll drive you.” Her father said, her mother was on the phone. The nanny had just walked through the front door, her hair chucked in a messy bun, and a smudged tomato paste stain on her shirt next to the top button.

The nanny instantly rushed to Benson and the spitting bacon. She lightly pushed him out of the way and flipped the bacon, telling Benson to take a seat at the table. Naveah looked between the nanny and her little brother. She missed the days where she got to stay home and be taken care of by their nanny.

“Naveah.” The father repeated. The mother had already left. Naveah rushed after him.

‘In case you might be questioning, Naveah and Benson are my older sister and brother, and the baby is me. The nanny, Verity Carver, cared for us Monday through to Saturday, twelve hours each day, from seven-thirty AM, until seven-thirty PM. Verity cared for us, like our parents should have.’

Once the bacon had finished being cooked, the nanny placed it on a plate and gave it to Benson. Verity then proceeded to clean up the kitchen, then in the midst of washing the dishes, she heard the baby monitor going off, and she dashed out of the room and up the stairs. Verity walked straight past the stand with an open, nappy on it, with poop splayed about, and she went straight to the cot to pick up the baby, and she cradled it in her gentle arms.

The baby stared up at Verity, seeing blurred colours and letters floating about in the air by Verity’s head. The baby giggled, and Verity would smile. “What are you thinking about Alaska?” She would ask, then begin to hum a lullaby.

‘At first, I couldn’t make sense of it. The letters and colours. It didn’t help that the first few years of development, I couldn’t spell, read or write. But I had learnt that colours meant emotion.’

Four and a half years had passed. Verity Carver vacuumed the lounge room, whilst five-year-old Alaska Tygart sat at the dining table, flicking through a dictionary, circling words.

Alaska stopped flipping the pages when she reached the start of W. She looked back into the lounge room area to see the back of her nanny as she manoeuvred herself around the furniture. Three words floated around her head.

Kind and Caring, were two of which, both in a red colour, the third was a word Alaska did not know. Weary. It was a light grey colour. Her eyes fell back down to the dictionary, and her finger rubbed against the thin page as she sought the word out. She found it on the following page.

“Feeling or showing extreme tiredness, especially as a result of excessive exhaustion.” She read out aloud. The blaring vacuumed quietened and Verity put it away in the linen cupboard. She then walked into the kitchen and dug through cupboards, pulling out large bowls, an electric beater and ingredients required to make chocolate chip cookies.

“What words have you looked at today?” Verity asked. Alaska looked at the notebook beside the dictionary. In large, uneven writing, Alaska had written a list of words.

“Reliable, irritated, lethargic, embellishing, and weary.” Alaska read aloud, whilst kicking her feet and rocking back and forth on her chair. She then looked back at Verity with a large grin. “What are you making?”

“Your favourite.”

Alaska’s grin continued to grow. Alaska looked at the word she had scribbled down earlier that morning, on the bottom of the page. Her head tilted and her eyes fixated on it. She hadn’t looked up the definition as of yet, because she had seen it in a black colour, and every word in black she had enquired Verity about, Verity told her not to worry about and to not look it up.

“Verity, what’s alcoholic mean?” Alaska queried. Verity stopped pouring milk into the bowl and she looked down at Alaska.

“Who did you see that word on?” Verity asked.

“My father.”

Alcoholic wasn’t the first black word she had seen on him. Alaska had also seen the words ’depressed’, ‘gambler’, and ‘cheater’. On her mother, she had seen ’abusive’ and ’neglecter’. All words she had asked Verity about, and always received the same answer for.

“So what does it mean?” Alaska probed. Once again, Verity shrugged it away.

“Say, why don’t you come help me bake these cookies?”

Alaska nodded, “Okay.” And she jumped off her seat and walked into the kitchen area.

’Verity was a thirty-two year-old-woman, and the only one at that time that I had spoken to about the words I saw around people. She was the only one that had realised, the depth of people I saw. I had tried to talk to my parents about it once before, but they were so caught up in their own lives, too busy on the phone to spare just a second of their time. I also attempted to tell Naveah. She didn’t think much of it, she thought I was making up excuses to seek attention. I didn’t bother to tell Benson.

After Verity knew the truth about my ‘special gift’ as she called it; she told me that I couldn’t tell anyone. That it would scare people if they found out about it. She also explained to me that my special gift told me things about people, things that they didn’t even realise themselves.

I was to start school the following year. Verity was growing more anxious and restless the closer it got. My parents were the same everyday. They’d wake up, eat the breakfast meal that Naveah had cooked them, and they’d be out the door by seven-thirty, dad would always be the one to drive Benson and Naveah to school, and the two would walk home in the afternoon.

And then it was the three of us, getting driven to school, and walking home together.

By the time I started school, Benson was eleven and had just started middle school, and Naveah was thirteen, in her last year of middle school. Which meant that every morning, we got dropped off at their school as it was the closest, then my siblings would walk me past their school, to drop me off at elementary school, then they would turn around and walk back again. They did the same at the end of the day too.

Ah. My first day of school. Grade one. I remember it like yesterday. Seeing many new faces, and thousands of words, some I recognised, others I did not. And they didn’t always help to steer me in the right direction when it came to making friends.’

“Are you excited for your first day of school Las?” Naveah asked. Their father’s sleek black car had just pulled out of their driveway. Naveah sat in the front seat, whilst Benson and Alaska sat on either side of the back seat, Alaska behind her dad, and Benson behind Naveah.

Alaska looked at Naveah. The words ’Radiant’, ’Concerned’ and ’Intelligent’ floated around her head. The day before showed ’Disappointment’, ’Intelligent’, ’Afraid’ and ’Envy’. The words changed all the time, but some always remained. Alaska tried to avoid eyeing the words, and instead she focused her gaze on Naveah. Alaska nodded,

“I can’t wait.”

She lied. Alaska was nervous, frightened, and cautious. She worried that everyone would see her as a freak, because of her gift. But what if she didn’t tell them about her gift? What if she was able to keep it a secret, like Verity said? Maybe she would fit in, and make friends. She’d make friends that didn’t have black words around their heads.

“You’re going to have so much fun.” Naveah said, “Enjoy it while it lasts.”

Alaska noticed her brother’s silence. She looked at him to see the words ’despondent’, ‘targeted’, ’isolated’ and ’reviled’ floating close to him. She also saw the usual words such as ’kind’, ’brave’, ’loyal’ and ’resentful’.

“What does reviled mean?” Alaska asked.

“I- I don’t know.” Naveah answered, she glanced at her father, who was fixated on both the road and his business call. “Maybe ask your teacher later today?” Naveah suggested and gave Alaska a smile. Their father pulled into the parking lot of the middle school. The three children hopped out of the car, and Benson left in a hurry for the triple story school building.

Alaska eyed the building, excitement danced in her eyes. The walls were a golden colour, and the front lawns were luscious green. Teenagers stood around, chatting and laughing and running around. There wasn’t a playground in sight, but perhaps it was out the back? Or maybe the older kids didn’t play on playgrounds.

“Don’t mind Benson.” Naveah told her younger sister. “He’s just upset that he has detention for two weeks. Come on, I’ll walk you to your school, it’s only a block away.”

Alaska nodded and the two sisters walked side by side to the elementary school.

“What is detention?” Alaska inquired. She kicked a stone on the footpath, sending it skipping up the path.

“It’s like a time out. At lunchtime, you have to sit in a classroom and do nothing, and you miss out on playtime. You get it when you do something naughty.”

Alaska kicked the same stone again, this time it rolled onto the road, and a car drove over it. “What did Benson do?”

“Benson thinks he didn’t do anything. But his English teacher says he spoke rudely to her.”

Alaska nodded. “Are the teachers nice at my school?”

“The nicest. All except Mrs Benporith. She’s the third grade’s teacher. They say she once threw a child out the window because he was caught reading poetry during maths.”

Alaska’s eyes enlarged. “She threw him out a window!?” She gasped. Naveah nodded.

“But don’t worry. That’s two years away, you’re only in the first grade.”

Alaska nodded. She froze when they reached the school gates of the elementary school. Ahead of them, was an old, large, two-story building, covered in moss and vines.

The grass was orange and grey, and an ancient looking, worn out playground stood, bare and untouched by the few children standing around outside. The chains of the swings were brown and rusty, and the yellow slide was veiled in a thick layer of dust and dirt. The seesaw had a large kink in the plank, and one seat dangled.

“It’s better on the inside.” Naveah said with a forced smile. Alaska glanced at Naveah to see the word ’Liar’ by her head. Alaska gulped. “Do you want me to walk you inside?” Naveah asked. Alaska paused.

She wanted to say, ‘Yes! Don’t leave me! I’m scared, and I don’t want to go inside.’ But she looked down at the small rose-gold watch on her wrist, a birthday present from her parents. It was a quarter past eight, which meant school started in fifteen minutes for both of them, but it took just that for Naveah to walk back to her school.

“I’ll be okay.” Alaska said with a small nod. Naveah looked at Alaska with concern.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

So Naveah left Alaska on her own. And with trembling legs and a racing heart, Alaska forced herself to walk to the building and to go inside. She was trampled and shoved by the bigger kids as she began her descent down the hallways. She clutched her bag straps tightly and swayed from foot to foot, nearly tripping at least four times.

‘It took me ten minutes to find the front office that day. But found it I did. I was greeted by a chirpy teacher, Miss Penelopps. That woman was astoundingly bright and chipper every day, or so everyone thought. If I didn’t have the gift I had, I wouldn’t have been able to tell that she was really unhappy; to see beneath the mask.’

“Good morning! You must be Alaska Tygart! Wow, you look so different to your brother and sister.” The tall, blonde, young woman laughed. She then bent over and extended a hand, “My name is Miss Penelopps,” she then whispered with a wink, “But everyone calls me Miss P.”

Alaska glanced down at the woman’s hand. She shook it. Miss Penelopps smiled and straightened her back again. “Are you excited Alaska?”

Alaska shrugged, “A little.” She looked at the words skipping through the air around the woman’s face. ’Curious’, ’Approachable’, ’Openhearted’ and ’Miserable’.

Miss Penelopps smiled, “Come on, I’ll show you to your grade one class.”

‘At the time I didn’t understand. How could a person look so happy on the outside, but be so upset on the inside? It just didn’t make sense. When I was sad, I cried. So why wasn’t Miss Penelopps? It wasn’t until a few years after, that I asked her about it. A lot of things happened before I spoke to Miss Penelopps. A difficult journey I went on. And it all started with a boy named Nik Hartwell and his twin brother Ellis.’

Alaska stood facing the closed wooden door, it had a glass window towards the top, but it was too high for Alaska to peek through. Miss Penelopps looked down at Alaska and breamed, “You ready?”

Alaska nodded silently and Miss Penelopps knocked on the door. She then pushed open the door. The grade one teacher stood by the whiteboard, he stopped his lecture on introduction.

“Mister Folling, meet your newest student. The last addition for your class. This is Alaska Tygart.”

As Miss Penelopps introduced Alaska to the class and the teacher, Alaska’s eyes fixated on the words flying around the teacher. ’Unimpressed’, ’agitated’, ’dullness’, ’uncaring’ and ’witty’. When Alaska averted her eyes to the rest of the class, she saw several kids sitting in plastic chairs at wooden desks. Many words scattered about, ’Friendly’, ’smart’, ’Brat’, ’spoilt’, ’ADHD’, ’compassionate’, ’considerate’, ’nasty’, ’bully’, ’stubborn’ and many more.

“Right. Well Alaska.” Alaska snapped out of her dazed state and she looked around to see Miss Penelopps had left. The teacher, Mister Folling, stared at her then pointed at the empty seat in the forth row from the front, second from the back, in between a girl with long, blonde hair, and a boy with short, brown hair. The boy was mucking around with the boys sitting around him, whilst the girl was looking at Alaska with a peculiar stare.

Alaska’s grip tightened on her bag straps once again, and she gave Mister Folling a curt nod before forcing herself to walk one foot in front of the other, to her assigned seat. As Alaska sat down, she felt something sharp, pricking her thigh, inches from her bottom. She jolted and stood back up. Mister Folling looked at her questionably.

“Something the matter, Miss Tygart?”

Alaska glanced down at the chair to see a small pin, set in place by blue tack, with the point facing up, with a red speck on it. Alaska felt a bit of liquid sliding down her leg. “I… Just need a tissue.” The teacher nodded at the box of tissues on his desk, and Alaska quickly walked to the front of the classroom, snatched a few tissues from the box then hurried back to her seat again as Mister Folling continued with his teachings of basic math.

Alaska yanked the pin and blue tack off her seat, wiped the blood from her leg then glared at the cackling boys. Words like ’rude’, ’brat’, ’poor’ and ’immature’ floated about them. With the pin held firmly in her hand, she jabbed it into the arm of the boy who sat beside her. He jumped in his seat then with eyebrows raised, he stared at Alaska with warning eyes,

“Watch it new girl.”

“No, you watch it.” She snapped back in a whisper. “Your pin missed my bum by this much,” Alaska held up her index finger and thumb, with a small gap between them and continued, “but it won’t miss yours.”

The boys laughed harder, this time at the boy. “You got owned by a girl Nik!”

“Shut up.” Nik scowled.

“Who’s talking in my class?” The teacher raised his voice, and the boys fell silent. Mister Folling went back to explaining how to add double digits.

‘Nik Hartwell. I don’t know what it was that was so special about you. Maybe it was the way you spoke, or how you held your confidence even when your brother had done his best to beat it out of you. Maybe it was your smile. Whatever it was, it made the first time meeting you, worth remembering.’

“That was cool.” The blonde-haired girl spoke quietly. Alaska looked at her and smiled,

“Thanks.”

“I’m Kat by the way. Kat Rampshore. And this is Ainslie and Kendall.” She waved a hand at each girl. Both girls had curly dark hair, Ainslie had an olive toned skin, and Kendall had dark tanned skin. Whilst their hair looked the same, that was their only similarity.

Alaska looked from the positive words of colours red and green, to the girls’ faces and she smiled at each of them. “Nice to meet you.”

“Do you wanna sit with us at recess?” Ainslie asked.

“Sure.”

When recess came, Alaska, Kat, Ainslie and Kendall walked out of the classroom, down several corridors, and finally made their way to the playground. They sat at one of the benches to eat their recess food.

“Who was that boy?” Alaska asked. “The one that sat next to me in class?” She could see him running around on the playground, playing ‘don’t touch the ground chasey’.

“Nik.” Kendall said. She pointed at a boy on the playground, “That’s him. And that’s his twin brother,” she pointed at another. “Ellis. He’s in the other first grade class.”

“Nik is evil, but Ellis is cool.” Ainslie said.

“You like him.” Kendall poked her tongue out and pointed at Ainslie.

“Do not!”

“Do too!”

“Do not!”

The two girls bickered, Kat and Alaska laughed.

“Why are you called Alaska?” Kat suddenly asked.

Alaska shrugged, “I don’t know, I just am.”

“Do you have any brothers or sisters?” Kendall had stopped arguing with Ainslie to ask. Alaska nodded,

“A brother Benson, he’s eleven. And a sister Naveah, she’s thirteen.”

“Cool.” Ainslie said. “I have two baby sisters, Emma who’s three, and Jay-Jay who’s one.”

“I have a little brother, Kaiden.” Kendall chimed in. Alaska nodded then looked at Kat who shrugged.

“Only child.” She answered with a smile.

“That’s fortunate.” Alaska said. She always thought about what it would be like not having to share her toys or constantly getting into fights or having to share what little attention there was. She then noticed the perplexity in each of the girl’s eyes, and she quickly rephrased herself, “Lucky.”

“I guess.” Kat shrugged.

“Come on. Let’s go play ‘Don’t touch the ground chasey’ with the boys!” Kendall exclaimed as she tossed her lunchbox back in her bag then bounded towards the playground. She was followed by Ainslie who ran behind, and then Kat and Alaska who walked to join in.

“Look who’s back for more trouble.” A mocking voice piped. Alaska looked up to see Nik Hartwell, on top of the playground, grinning from ear to ear, like a Cheshire cat. Kat smirked,

“Yeah! Trouble for you because you’re going to lose!” And the two girls were jumping from base to base and running up the stairs and after the boys, who laughed and ran away.

‘Kat was the first friend I ever made. We clicked instantly, and have been best friends ever since. We’ve been to each other’s houses more times than I can count, we taught each other how to do our make up, we shopped together, we studied together, and we partied together. Her parents became my second parents. I wouldn’t say vice versa to that, as my parents would have to actually be my parents first. Speaking of my parents…’

Alaska sat at the dining table, studying her multiplications with the help of Verity carver. Naveah was up stairs doing her homework on her own; high school work above Verity’s knowledge that she could remember, and Benson was in the back yard, practising on the basketball courts. Alaska was now in the third grade. She was becoming to understand her gift better now, but things still confused her, especially when the words told her how someone could be nice and sweet one day, but cruel and nasty the next.

Alaska and Verity were disrupted from the study when they heard the front door opening and slamming shut. Two loud voices rang through the house, quarrelling against each other.

“Don’t you dare lie to me Richard! I saw you with her! Twice!”

“She’s just my assistant Sheryl. I swear! Nothing’s going on between Julie and I!” Alaska’s father desperately responded. The two parents walked into the room, the father tailing behind the mother. Alaska’s mother stopped in the kitchen, she slammed her palms down on the bench and rocked gently as the father stopped a metre from her, and stared at her with pleading eyes. “Sheryl, I wouldn’t cheat on you. I didn’t!” He squeaked out. Verity looked at the grown ups, instantly thinking about getting Alaska out of the room and giving them privacy.

Alaska looked at him. The word ‘Liar’ was in bold. ‘Cheater’ and ‘desperate’ were closer. Smaller words included ‘regretful’ and ‘depressed’, words that Alaska understood now.

“Why is father lying?” Alaska quietly asked Verity. She didn’t mean for her parents to hear her, but they did. Alaska’s mother looked at Alaska then glared at her husband. She waved a hand at Alaska,

“Even our daughter knows you aren’t being faithful! I want you gone Richard. Pack your bags now.” Sheryl Tygart hissed with venom. The tension only grew thicker when Alaska’s father whispered Sheryl’s name.

“I love you Sheryl.”

Sheryl inhaled sharply. “Come on Alaska, let’s go up stairs,” Verity murmured and began to pack up the textbooks.

“If you loved me you wouldn’t have cheated on me. You would have gotten your drinking problems and your gambling problems under control by now. You wouldn’t be wasting our money and hurting your children and me!” She screamed as Verity and Alaska left the room. Alaska stopped in the doorway to listen, ignoring the tug on her hand when she didn’t follow the nanny.

“Christ, you can’t talk Sheryl! I know about the coke.”

“I gave that up two years ago Richard.” She snapped.

“Pity. You were more fun then.” He spat. SLAP. Sheryl had spun and flicked her hand so fast, he didn’t have time to react. Richard stared at her, fuming. A handprint glowed bright red on his wrinkly face.

“Alaska,” Verity tugged harder, “Come on.”

Alaska watched in shock when her father shoved her mother into the bench. The rack of drying dishes slid and fell onto the floor, the plates and glasses smashed by the force. Alaska gasped when she saw her father punch her mother’s cheek. That one tiny gasp caught both her parent’s attention. Sheryl cowered on the floor, cradling her face, whilst Richard spun around and stared at the petit girl in the doorframe and the nanny behind her.

’I watched as he stormed out of the room and out the front door. He didn’t come back. … Kat was over with in the hour. We stayed up all night, eating chocolate and buttered popcorn, watching all sorts of girlie movies, Bratz specifically as it was my favourite in those days.

By the end of the third grade, our group of four (Kat, Ainslie, Kendall and I) had gained two more, a girl named Emory Jennings who was once the lonely girl of the year group who no one knew even existed, and another girl named Brooklyn Jackson, who transferred from France, though English was her first language.

The following year, Nik and Ellis’ older sister Shantara, moved in with her boyfriend who happened to live across the road from my house. So the twins spent that summer, and every following summer, at their older sister’s house. A house across the road from me. Kat would come over everyday, just so she could watch the twins playing basketball in their sister’s front yard.

She would talk endlessly about how cute she thought Ellis was, and tell me of her dream that she would marry him, and that I would marry Nik, and the four of us would live happily ever after. I laughed at her and dismissed the thought entirely. As far as I knew, Nik was the boy who spent every class torturing me with spit balls, cutting my hair or sticking gum in it, or slipping snakes and other reptiles into the draw of my desk. I hated him. By the words I saw around him, told me not to hate him. They said he was a good person. And I didn’t understand that. Little did I know, that I would figure it out that summer.

I spoke to Nik twice that summer. But that was a story I’d have to share with you later. Right now, I want to tell you about this summer, and how I ended up being stuck doing ‘community service’ with Nik Hartwell of all people, as my partner-in-crime.’