Secret Snacker
Phil Gordon was a secret snacker.
He was a fan of most types of snacks, but he definitely had his favourites. Savoury snacks were preferred over sweet, instant snacks were preferred over snacks with prolonged preparation, and packaged snacks were preferred over fresh. Phil liked to snack in bed; this way he could lie back and read comfortably while munching down on a bag of cashew nuts, or watch one of his favourite science fiction movies while consuming a bag of potato chips. Phil’s bed was his happy place.
He would often tell people that asked that he was a morning person; that he liked to get up early to do things and then go to bed early to get some shut-eye. But this wasn’t true, Phil would go to bed early because he liked to snack. A satisfying bedtime treat had become a ritual for Phil.
A ritual that was not at all appreciated by his wife, Barb.
* * *
Fifteen years ago, Phil had courted Barb and swept her off her feet with talk of adventure. Trips were planned to faraway places and the two of them had had a fantastic time working and backpacking around Europe and the United States on their overseas experience. They had worked well as a team and had had such a good time together, that when the trip was over Phil asked her to marry him; she of course accepted. There was much celebration and afterwards Phil’s talk turned from adventures to family.
Children were the next obvious step in the journey for Phil and Barb, and of course they put just as much time, effort and zest into making sure this next step would also go to plan. Unfortunately for Phil and Barb, it was not to be. After three years of trying, there had been no success in falling pregnant. Both Phil and Barb had good paying jobs and they threw all their weight and finances into in vitro fertilisation. Like many who decide to go down this path, the constant planning, worry, and pressure took a heavy toll.
It had been particularly hard on Phil, as it was his sperm that wasn’t doing the business.
At first, Phil had turned to snacking to relieve stress. He had discovered that his favourite foods gave him a release of good feelings when he ate them. This, in turn, made him feel good and he began to eat them more often.
As he ate these snacks more frequently he began to gain weight and do less exercise. Exercise felt good too, but not as good as snacking. Barb began to notice the weight gain, and at the start gave Phil a bit of gentle ribbing about it. When the eating began to affect their relationship because Phil didn’t want to go anywhere or do anything, Barb began to get frustrated. In turn her frustration turned to nagging and eventually it had pushed Phil’s snacking ‘underground.’
Barb would often ring him at work and ask him to pick up some milk on his way home. He would happily go to the supermarket and buy the milk, but he would also purchase lollies, chips, biscuits and a range of other easy snacks that he enjoyed eating. When he got home he would only bring in the milk; the other items would stay in his car until he could retrieve them when he was alone. That way his secret stash never ran out.
But Barb was no one’s fool, she knew exactly what he was doing.
Barb had done her best in trying to explain to him that his snacking wasn’t good for him. Phil sometimes had trouble sleeping; late night snacking could cause problems with sleep patterns. Phil also got quite bad indigestion at times; late night snacking can cause heartburn and can be bad for digestion generally. Phil had gained weight, and sometimes struggled to climb the stairs of their house without breathing heavily; having a high carbohydrate diet, especially without doing exercise, was attributed to weight gain and a risk of heart disease and diabetes.
In her spare time Barb had done a few papers on health and fitness. An area in which she had a lot of interest. She kept in shape by running, and doing fitness classes; something which Phil used to do with her, but not anymore. Since the snacking began, that exercise was now done with girlfriends, never with Phil.
Barb and Phil took turns cooking as it had always interested them both. Barb had more experience with meal planning so she would plan healthy dinners and buy the ingredients on her weekly shop. Phil had never once complained about the food they ate. He even had a gentlemanly habit of always thanking her, and commenting on how delicious dinner had been every time that she cooked.
However, even as he commented on her delicious dinner, Phil’s mind would turn to snacking.
Phil stored his snacks under the bed. Some his wife Barb knew about; some she didn’t. Her constant nagging about eating right had forced Phil to come up with creative ways to buy and eat his snacks, and he was getting quite good at hiding his ‘contraband.’
Phil knew that his habit was a bad one. All of the evidence about what he was snacking on and when he was doing it pointed in the direction that it was not good for his physical, or mental health. The evidence was right. He was overweight, and pre diabetic. The doctors had warned him about what could happen to him should he continue his ways of eating. He would end up on a cocktail of pills each day: atorvastatin for high cholesterol, metformin for his diabetes and omeprazole for his heart burn. This information worried Phil, it really did, and a deep shame would overcome him after he had snacked. Deep down he knew that the snacking had become more sinister; he no longer wanted to snack, he needed to snack. As much as he talked about giving up his snacking any time he wanted to, Phil knew that it would not be that easy.
Barb was trying her best to help him to do the right thing, to look after himself, but every time Barb mentioned his snacking he took it as a personal affront and blamed her for making him unhappy. He wouldn’t do this out loud of course—his personality was passive aggressive—but he would go quiet, something he knew would drive Barb crazy.
Barb hated it when Phil went quiet.
Secretly, and not that she would ever admit it, Barb had a feeling that it was she who had pushed Phil’s snacking ‘underground.’ At any given time, if you looked under his side of the bed, you would find all sorts of wrapper packages. Barb used to pick them up when she was cleaning and put them in the bin, but now she left it up to Phil. No longer would she do anything that even suggested she supported his habit.
The last argument they had had about Phil’s snacking had finally broken Barb; they had exchanged some heated words and Barb had said to him that his snacking would eventually be the death of him. Phil had just stared at her blankly, muttered a reply and had gone into one of his quiet moods.
Barb finally realised that there was nothing that she would be able to say or do that would convince Phil to drop his snacking ways. Maybe the best thing that she could do would be to leave him alone. Sometimes the only way to change was to come to the conclusion yourself.
Phil was about to face this conclusion…head on.
Phil loved Barb and cared for her deeply but he knew their relationship was strained. The trouble around the pregnancy was partly to blame, but he also realised that his attitude around snacking also contributed.
The last time they had argued about the snacking issue, some heated words had been exchanged and some things had been said that maybe shouldn’t have been verbalised. The comment on how snacking would be the death of him had hurt Phil deeply, and his reply had been just as cutting. Phil had seen a light go out in Barb’s eyes at that moment; it wasn’t noticeable unless you knew Barb well, and Phil knew Barb well.
From that moment on, Barb was strangely silent about the whole affair. For years she had gone on at him about his snacking, about eating healthier and getting out and doing more exercise. Now, this had stopped. No longer did she nag him about his snacking. No longer did she make an effort to pull out all his snack wrappers from under the bed each week, making it a point to show him that eating chips, lollies, popcorn, chocolate and pork crackling was not a good diet—especially in bed. No longer did she criticize his lack of exercise. What Barb did now, annoyed Phil even more. She said nothing, and her eyes showed that she did not seem like she wanted to have the conversation/fight anymore. After years of trying, Barb, it seemed, had stopped caring.
In truth, Barb hadn’t stopped caring. She knew that Phil needed to change, but she also knew that Phil needed to initiate the change himself, before it was too late.
Barb was invited to the health and fitness conference at the behest of a friend. The two of them had been doing work around exercise as medicine, and their ideas had been getting a lot of traction, especially with the world currently in a pandemic. The value of being active physically and mentally was something the world wanted to discuss.
Two weeks out from the conference Barb had told Phil. She would be away for six days and five nights. She tried not to let the look of excitement in Phil’s eyes bother her, but deep down it did. Barb just wished that Phil would get out of his funk. There was so much more to life than just eating snacks.
Phil was excited…with Barb away for a week he could snack without worry.
Unfortunately for Phil, his days of carefree snacking were about to come to an end.
The following story is a cautionary tale folks. Stories—they are one of the most powerful means that humans have to influence, teach, and inspire. Stories—they forge connections among people, and between people and ideas. Stories—they convey the culture, history, and values that unite people. And very occasionally, stories…can serve as a warning. One that you can either learn from or not, it is up to you.
If nothing else, please take the following advice from me dear reader. Eat to live, don’t live to eat.
