Episode 1 - The One With The Rice Plate
Joey stands up from his seat and shouts across the ODC, “Hey Chandler, coming for lunch?”
Chandler replies, “Just 2 minutes. One Query execution time issue here. May be I need to refactor the query. And also introduce some indexes. And maybe some...”
Joey interrupts, “Yeah lost you there after the ‘Just 2 minutes’ line mate. After that you were just another Minion babbling *mimics the minions* ′Papaya belo paratu banana’"
Ross sitting across Joey’s cubicle can’t take it anymore.
“Ok Joey. Three Questions!!
1. There are people working here. Can you ever speak a little quietly??
2. How the hell did you clear the interviews to work here man??
3. You just came back from lunch with me!! How can you be hungry again?? How is it even possible?”
“Ok Ross. Brace yourselves. Three Answers!!
Answer 1 - People working here? - Tell me who is working here? *points to other cubicles* Phoebe there is busy there in googling ‘Smelly Cat and its impact on this generation’. Monica is re-arranging her cubicle for only the millionth time today. Rachel is staring at herself in her phone’s front camera. And you are staring at Rachel in your phone’s back camera. *Ross quickly puts his phone in pocket* So even if I stand there in the middle and sing “My love will go on..” naked. No one, is going to notice except the security guards on CCTV camera.
Answer 2 - How did I clear the interviews? - Simple. If you don’t have the confidence or the will to get selected, knowledge is just another MOO point!
and Answer 3 - About my eating - A man’s gotta eat!!”
Chandler comes and they walk towards the lifts. Ross asks, “What’s a MOO point?“.
“’Moo!’, like a cow’s opinion. It doesn’t matter!” fades away Joey’s voice.
Both arrive in the canteen. They are looking at the menu on the big LED board as Joey spots a hot girl in the queue for lunch. “Hey man, anyway it doesn’t matter for what’s in there. I am probably going to eat it all. Let me just join the queue.”
“After me!” Ross overtakes both of them.
“Hey but you just had lunch!!” Joey complains
“A man’s gotta eat!“, mocks Ross standing behind the girl.
“Hi miss! I couldn’t help but notice that beautiful bracelet you are wearing. It has a peculiarly chained semi-circular design. This is clearly a symbolic figure for Recursion. Recursion you know is seemingly a very simple but yet a very complex concept. I will tell you an example. Take a TV and take a video camera wired to that TV. Now, point the camera at the TV itself. The TV’s screen will display ... boom *THE TV* itself. You get it?”
The girl nervously nods. Joey looks at the ceiling puzzled and then pretends that he got the point.
Chandler mutters to Joey, “Man please cover my ears. I don’t want to be the first guy on earth to die of boredom!”
“May I know your name?” stutters Ross.
“Sorry. I don’t talk with strangers.”
“Ohh that’s ok! Sorry!” he turns and then turns again, “Now see, its very unlikely but if both of our names had been “May-I-know-your-name”, then you would have replied “May-I-know-your-name” and then I would have replied “May-I-know-your-name” and it would have been recursive.” Girl looks irritably. “Ok. Shutting up. Bye”. Ross comes back.
Chandler says, “Ross, I would rather gag my kids to death than name them “May-I-know-your-name”′
“Ok! now my turn!” says Joey and advances in the queue. “How you doin!!” he puts his hand forward. The girl gives him a really angry look and turns back. Joey comes back.
“But that always works!” Joey laments.
“In Night Clubs and Smoke Joints Joey” Chandler replies.
“Ohh right!” agrees Joey.
Now, Chandler goes. Smiles at the food server.
Chandler greets, “Hello there, how are you doing today sir?“.
Server (chirpingly replies), “I am very good Mr. Bing. You know what I like about you Chandler?“.
Chandler quips, “That I haven’t yet tried to punch you, even after daily eating the canteen food?”
“Hahaha. You are funny! And you are kind Mr. Bing!”, Server replies
“And you Sir, are a great cook! This rice. This rice is so soft that it would melt even if I stare at it any longer.” Chandler says.
The server laughs and enthusiastically serves a plate full of rice to Chandler.
The hot girl puts some rice in her plate.
Chandler quips, “I was just kidding Miss. This rice is so hard that it can physically damage you. You would be a Heath Ledger and you would chew it and you would become the Batman’s Joker. Put the stones back on the land I say.”
Girl smiles and replies, “Hehehe. You are funny.”
“It takes courage mam. I mean, to stand in front of such brutally savage food and still be able to laugh.”
“So what do you think? Take our plates over to that corner table and continue to be courageous for a while?”
Joey and Ross look at each other in amazement.
Joey looks at the heavens and says, “Finally the day when Chandler gets a girl over me. I think its time for you to come and wipe our race God. Else, these intellectuals are going to eat the world alive!”
Girl continues, “So what do you do Chandler Bing?”
“I try to be funny most of the times. In the spare time, I pretend to code.”, replies Chandler.
” A programmer then. No wonder, you last name is a Search Engine for crying out loud. ”
“Hahaha! My last name can only be the reason why that Search Engine bombed, nothing else”
“Hahaha. Now, don’t try too hard to be funny. You can go back to being normal. Hi, I am Nikita.” She smiles.
“That’s the thing Nikita. I have to put a charade to be normal. Trying-too-hard-to-be-funny is the real me”
“That’s interesting.”
“Isn’t it! So what are you up to here?”
“I am a client here actually and I will have to go back to my partners quickly before I get lost.”
“Ohh you are a client! I was wondering why anyone of us hadn’t stalked you before!”
“Hahaha! What!”
“What! I was just praising your outfit! What did you hear? Blame it on this rice! Its twisting my tongue!”
“Hahaha! Anyway, I have gotta go now. It was great to have a chat with you Chandler. Here take this,” *hands him a tissue paper* “wipe that rice off your face”
And she takes off. Chandler joins Joey and Ross.
Joey chirps excitedly, “So what happened?”
Chandler makes the sad face, “Nothing. She had to go for a meeting.”
“Ohh you didn’t get the girl. That’s great!“, *looks up in the sky* “Hey mate, I am afraid we will have to reschedule the meeting.”
Chandler laments, “But I thought I was doing good this time! Shit!”
Ross intervenes, “It happens! Remember Suzanne? I thought I was doing well that evening too. She was listening so observantly to my Asynchronous Execution theory. But then..”
“She slapped you Ross” replies Chandler.
“Yeah but that was after I had started on Scala Implicits theory! *pauses* Yeah, may be I overdid it,”
Everybody finishes lunch. Chandler wipes his face with Nikita’s tissue paper.
They head to keep their plates and wash hands in the basin. Joey spots something in the mirror.
“Hey man!” he screams, “look at that on your face! She played an ink prank on you!”
Chandler sees himself. There are a few faded numbers imprinted on his mouth. It dawns upon him.
“Oh my god!! She gave me her number!!”
Joey realizes. “Oh my god!!”
All of them run towards the garbage can and start searching for that Tissue Paper feverishly.
Nobody finds anything. Food server comes inquiring, “Looking for anything Chandler?”
Chandler says, “No no. Its our job. We find people’s broken teeth after eating your food. Collect them and put them in our Teeth Museum. Great Place! You should come sometime!”
Joey shouts, “You run a museum and you dint tell me!!”
“Shut up joey!“ replies Chandler and at the next moment he spots the same girl at the counter buying chocolates.
