Prologue
PROLOGUE
Every little girl envisions what their wedding will be like when they’re older. They even go so far as creating a make-believe ceremony with their dolls or stuffed animals as the wedding guests, and a childhood friend that you roped in to be the groom. Or in my case the imaginary friend because I never had friends come over to my house; for reasons you’ll understand later as this story progresses.
My imaginary wedding ceremonies started around the time that I was eight-years-old. I used to imagine every little detail of my wedding; I would even make up a guest list, the menu, and hand-write the invitations. My imaginary groom would differ with each ceremony depending on my age and my infatuation with said groom. When I was eight, it was probably someone like Elmo or Big Bird. As I got older, my choices would range from Justin Timberlake and Josh Hartnet to Ryan Gosling and Channing Tatum.
I admit that I still envision what my wedding will be like. Although now that I’ve moved into my high school years, the questions are: Who will be my future mate? Will we be happy together? Will we last?
Along with envisioning their wedding, every little girl envisions the day that they will have kids as well. As a child, some of us would stuff a baby doll up our shirts and pretend to ‘give birth’ to it. Some of our parents probably thought we were a little crazy for doing that, but in our minds we were practicing for the future.
When I got to Junior High, our Health classes became a lot more in-depth than they were in Grade School. Instead of learning just about when to go to the Emergency Room after an injury and when to run and get an adult in case a stranger approaches you, we were now learning about our changing bodies, human sexuality and reproduction. I always imagined that when I found out I was pregnant; I would be sitting in nervous anticipation as I awaited the test results. My husband would be sitting next to me holding my hand and whispering encouraging reassurances in my ear. And no matter what the outcome of the test, he would hold me and tell me that we would get through this together.
Now that I’m in high school, I still imagine my future child. Although now I want to wait a few years before having this child, my vision of the moment that I find out still remains the same. My plans for the future are as follows: I want to finish high school, get my college degree, start my career, make enough money to put aside for my future, and then start a family.
I do realize that not everything will turn out as perfect as I want it to be. Life happens. Shit happens. And all your well-made plans will most likely go up in smoke. That’s the way of life in the neighborhood where I live. But I had made a vow when I started Junior High that I would not become another throw-away with no future. I was going to make something of myself and get out of this dead-end town.
And then I met him. Johnny Baker. He was everything that I had imagined for my future. He was smart, funny, good-looking, and well brought-up, captain of the football team, and wanted out of this town as much as I did. He said all the right things, did all the right things, and made me think that we would get out of this town together. It turns out that he was just saying what he knew I wanted to hear so that I would agree to do what he wanted me to do. Thinking that it was the only way for me to hold on to him, I gave in to him. And as soon as I did, he dropped me as fast as he could.
It is this event that has ultimately led me to the situation that I’m currently in: sitting on my bathroom floor counting down the minutes to the result that will ultimately decide my future….
