Sweet Lies

I tell myself I don’t want anything serious…

I’m just having fun, just looking; I’m curious.

My brain believes me when I say that I’m not ready.

But my heart disagrees, it never listens so I’m unsteady.

I claim that I’ve been through too much and I can’t love because of my trauma…

But my heart is too big and it doesn’t care about my past drama.

I kiss your lips and I say you’re just a friend…

But in my heart I feel my feelings begin to impend.

I try to ignore it and pretend that they don’t exist…

But the more time I spend with you, my heart persists.

My heart screams out my love for you but I swallow it.

My mouth wants to say the words but I won’t allow it.

I tell myself a story and I try to believe my lies.

I tell my heart that it’s not love, it’s just butterflies.

But my brain is starting to see through the deception.

My heart is sending signals and my brain is making the connection.

So now my mind and soul are on the same page

But I still have to keep my feelings locked up in a steel cage.

But I’m no longer lying to myself, I’m lying to you.

Telling you that you mean nothing when I know that you do.

Now its not fun and it’s starting to hurt.

I have to leave, I have to run… I have to stay alert.

Laying in your arms and denying the truth…

It’s starting to hurt more than losing a tooth.

But now I’m too attached to walk away…

How I will survive not talking to you every day?

I’m so confused, I’m so torn… I dont know what to do.

I just know that I can’t bare the thought of losing you.

I wish that I could just go back and pretend…

Go back to lying to myself so that this doesn’t have to end.

But I know that it is unwise…

To lay with you as just your friend and keep my heart in disguise.

All this shit has got me feeling sick…

I wish I never would’ve ended up on your dick.

Now I lost the potential of having a real friend…

All because the warmth of my vagina pulled you in.