Disappear, Part One

My name is Elizabeth and you’re probably wondering about how I got here, why I did it, or why I’m writing this. It’s a long story, like they always say in books. Everything has a beginning, so it’s best to start from it. I was born on a wintery night in the middle of December of 1817. I was born with brown hair and green eyes. It’s quite interesting, because I was born just before Christmas, exactly one week before. I was born in Buckingham Palace, people were overjoyed to know that I was born.

Years passed, I learned everyday the etiquette of being a good Princess. I got homeschooled for seven hours every day. I was also learning how to be a Christian (which was the best part of my day). I honestly thought that I was living a perfect life, but I was mistaken.

One night my family was having dinner and we were sitting by the table praying before eating. Then we ate, talked, laughed but then the first thing that ever traumatised me happened. Mother got furious at Father, she started raising her voice and she was saying that it’s always Father who began arguments between them. But Father said the opposite. They kept raising their voices, I was trying to block it out by covering my ears. But I couldn’t stand it, so I ran out of the dining room and to my room.

I locked the door behind me. Mother tried opening the door and asking if she could come in. I told her that I wanted to be alone for some time. I just laid in my bed thinking about what just happened. “Did my parents hide that they argued over small things?” I thought. I saw people argue but not so loudly. When people argue, I feel overwhelmed with emotions, I would like to stop this if I could. During such difficult times only God would be the one to help me and to calm me down. It always would make me feel better to tell him how I feel. Praying to God helps me a lot, sometimes I think he responds in his mysterious way.

Weeks passed, I turned 10. I kept on seeing more and more arguing from my parents. At this point they weren’t trying to hide it anymore. It was clear that something was going on between them. It was quite painful for me emotionally to see them fight. I thought that they were happy with each other. Unfortunately, that was a lie.

One day I was learning the etiquette of being a Princess. I was going to be tested, which I always passed marvellously. This time it turned out I failed the test. A little bit later my parents barged in my room. They yelled at me for failing. There were a lot of hurtful words said from them towards me. Afterwards, they both walked out. I cried and cried. I felt as if God was the only one that could comfort me at that moment. I realised that I couldn’t trust my parents anymore. I thought about the situation for weeks. From that moment, I realised, I had to be perfect in everything I do, otherwise I would just get screamed at.

From that day they kept reminding me to be perfect or they would yell at me again or even worse. It was unbearable, and made my life miserable. I felt like I was stuck in a nightmare that repeated itself every day. I felt as if they didn’t even love me.