Why Am I Here?
I’m. Not. Crazy. I just think differently than most people do... That doesn’t make me crazy. The people here are absolutely insane, I’m not, so why am I sitting here in my room in a fucking mental institution? I need to try my hardest to avoid everyone here. Everyone here could probably kill me, I really need to be careful. I sigh and lay in my bed for about 30 minutes in silence until I hear a knock on my door.
“Gerard? Can I come in?” I hear the voice of a lady, the lady from the office. What the fuck does she want? I don’t want to do anything until I’m out of here.
She walks in, I didn’t ask her to so her walking in like that is rude, how dare she.
“you need to come and do something other than just sit here and do nothing.” I ignore her. I’m not wasting my breath talking to her. I stare at the ceiling, not giving eye contact with her at all.
“come on.” she says trying to get me up “go do... Something”
I break my silence “like what?”
“you can go watch TV, or go to the main room where everyone usually hangs out, make friends?”
Yeah no. I choose to stay here. I don’t fit with the people here. I don’t. I’m not crazy. not crazy. and that’s a fact. I roll my eyes and stay there. The lady sighing. “my name is Mrs.Fox. I’m here if you need anything, just right by the cafeteria is my office. I’m the therapist here.”
I ignore still, I don’t have interest in this conversation at all. But soon after she left I started to get bored so I got up and went to this magical ‘main room’ she talked about. The people here don’t look friendly at all....im scared... Really scared... I look around and find a girl, she doesn’t look as crazy as most the people here, so I walk over, why not, she looks at me, a sad look in her eyes as if she had something terrible happen in her life.
“hi” I say simply
She looked terrified, I don’t blame her I mean, the people here are scary but I’m not, I’m not crazy. These people are. She started crying and walked away, did I say something? Or do anything? I feel bad, she probably didn’t do anything either. I sat down on the couch in here and looked out the window, which apparently no one or nothing can break it, since it’s bulletproof glass... But I bet someone here could manage to break it anyways, I get up and walk around, it’s not too crowded, but it feels as if, there’s more than just me and these people here... I watch a lot of horror movies so these thoughts are normal, I walk down the halls to look around the place, I’m going to be here for a while anyways, might as well find somewhere to enjoy here, but there’s nowhere interesting, everywhere looks weird and no joke makes me anxious, I feel like I’m being watched all the time and it makes me uncomfortable..i don’t like to be social, I don’t, probably because I’m not the best at trusting and keeping people. It’s hard, this world is full of the wrong people and Im just good at avoiding them. So like, Everyone. I walk back to my room I’m not sure what to do at this point, there’s nothing to do and it’s really boring. I notice a desk in my room, with a sketchbook and some colored pencils with it and I walk over, the note on it saying “put your emotions into it. Let things out. -mrs.fox”
I’m not depressed either.
Does she think that?
Do they all think that?
I’m not depressed, I just think differently. Differently as in, deeper, I look at everything a different way, for example, we’re all like candles, we can burn out. And people think I’m crazy because of that? No. I’m not crazy. I’m not. I’m not going to kill myself either. Is that why I feel like im being watched? Do they not trust me? I sigh and sit at the desk and sketch a little sketch, nothing big, just outer space, I like to draw, I do it a lot but right now I don’t know what to draw. So I’m just drawing stars and planets. Outer space is really cool if you really think of it...its far out there, and you can’t breathe, and no one could hear you scream. It’s scary actually... I wouldn’t want to stay there unprofessionally. I draw until the sun goes down, Mrs.Fox knocking on the door, what does she want now? I sigh and she says from behind the door
“Gerard? It’s time you start to go to sleep”
I nod and walk to my bed
“okay” I say simply and she walks off and I lay down staring at the ceiling until I eventually fall asleep…
