Desolation

The sun was setting in the distance, draping the empty forest’s crown in a crimson red veil. The final beams of light were slowly twinkling out of existence, hues of fire contrasting against the trees’ dark silhouettes until it all succumbed to the darkness of the night. A gentle breeze was sweeping through the foliage, a mere whisper in the vast stillness of the oncoming twilight as everything settled down for the night. The ensuing silence resonating through time and matter, accusative and admonitory.

The air was filled with the ripe scent of fire and fear, a terrible concoction of sweet yet bitter, mingling with the stench of blood and mangled flesh. It made every breath taste salty, a thick, thorny layer lingering on the lips long after the last exhale escaped them. The aftertaste quickly turned sour as fright continued to creep through the dense undergrowth, atmosphere tainted by terror and despair. Mortal agony was all-pervasive, it marked souls both present and long passed.

I could feel them. Cowering in the dark, a myriad of consciousnesses gleaming and glinting among the dimness. Some were still alive, the ragged gasps of their last terrified breaths piercing the otherwise silent night, only rivalled by the frantic beat of my heart. Soon, they would join their fallen comrades in the warm embrace of death. Most had lost their lives yearning for the end to come, bitter disappointment filling their last moments as the realization set in that dying was not quick. It was not an easy transition between the two states.

Life did not simply end. Death did not come wandering in with the last agonized breath drawn, the last contraction a desperate heart produced as its final beat. Things were infinitely more complex, forever out of reach of the mortal mind’s understanding. Death climaxed in the last thought devoted to the deceased, the last mention of one’s name until the universe erased every trace, dust turning to dust. The transition could span an eternity or simply a single moment.

I was there for it all, beginning to end. Accompanying souls while I granted the last wish some longed for, the relief many desired and the end of all. I did not ask for this task to be bestowed upon me, I simply existed to serve a need. My purpose had always been clear. I had been created to watch over the process and keep souls safe while they journeyed through to the afterlife. Most times, I fulfilled my duty swiftly and without regret, but the reign of war forced me to reconsider.

War did not discriminate. It did not care to abide by some preconceived notion of morality. It took everyone without a second thought, laughing in the face of terrified mortals clinging onto hope. Any age, any sex or class, many of them stripped from life long before their time. Yet nothing could ever satisfy that voracious maw. It kept on devouring even after the last battle had been held. A mind defiled by war and a body mutilated beyond recognition was all that was to be gained from this.

Here I was, left to tend to tortured minds, confronted with countless questions burning on their tongues while the demand remained the same. I still owed answers for I was not the one to give them neither did I possess the knowledge to speak truthfully. Who was I to speculate on the fates’ motives? I simply carried out my duties and did not dare second guess my siblings for I did not want to be doubted myself. However, to infer a severe lack of deliberation on my part would be unwise.

While I would not have chosen this task or any of the countless burdens my siblings carried as my destiny, I was not foolish enough to disregard my purpose. I never dreamed of abandoning my position, not because I did not yearn for a different life, but because neglecting my duties entailed consequences of cosmic proportions. I did not choose to be created or how I came into this world, yet I was forced to endure, to serve a cause much greater than my mere existence.

My heart sank as my gaze brushed over the countless bodies scattered on the ground, maimed, and partially burned. The edges were still smoldering, illuminating the otherwise impenetrable night akin to some sort of sick and twisted lighting. Nothing more than useless casualties, innocence that had not been able to flee in time. Some were charred to the bone, an indistinguishable amalgamation of bodies, destined to be forgotten in some mass grave one day. It would not be the first and certainly not the last to be dug.

Bile rose up my throat from the pit of my stomach and I had to double over, heaving dryly as I turned my gaze away from the massacre. I could no longer bear to witness the destruction, my heart aching with sorrow and regret. I had not intended for it to devolve like this. I had never meant to harm a single soul. Things had gotten out of hand faster than I could have reacted, spiraling out of control. I never thought it would end like this. I could not have anticipated the war that followed such a small incaution.

I was unsure what pained me more, how many lives had been lost or how many were still to be wiped from existence in this everlasting war. Woe was to come, that much was certain. The agony of watching it all was paralyzing yet it was nothing compared to the misery still waiting at dawn. The killing, the slaughter, the bloodshed, it was never going to stop. So many confused souls passing through, so much turmoil and heartbreak until all that was left was the bitter aftertaste in my mouth.

Reason had abandoned this conflict, trading places with vengeance, wrath, and deep-seated loathing. It was not about righting a wrong anymore, it had not been in a long time. What remained was simply prevailing in a miserable world. No matter the cost, no matter the consequences, if it meant survival, even families turned on each other. Mothers were tearing their children apart in blind rage, hatred poisoning their thoughts. Madness corrupted and contorted even the brightest minds, infecting wildlife, and mortals alike.

And who could blame them for giving in? With circumstances like these, succumbing to madness seemed to be the only relief in sight. The monotony of misery marched on uninterrupted, day after day until it was all that was left. It echoed through souls plagued with savagery until the sound filled even the darkest corners of the mind. Who would not choose insanity over terribly long stretches of clarity? Even if it just meant a brief break from reality before it all succumbed to the ugly clutches of war.

Eventually, the burden of reality became too much to handle for even the strongest minds. Resolution seemed attainable only in the faintest of dreams, absolution forever out of reach while the sphere continued to burn, to take everything and anything with it. The weaker minds long shattered, the strong tempted to crack. Giving in promised to set them free from the horrors of reality, unaware of the terrors yet to come. Many of them oblivious, that even in death, they were not truly unburdened.

Life could be cut short, death was forever. So were the attachments that carried over from one to the other. On the cusp of life and death, unresolved conflict doomed the second chance some were believed worthy of having. It poisoned the clean state the end brought and threw the souls right back into the conflict they tried to escape from. Not physical, there was no war, no conflict. It was strictly psychological, a constant state of despair, mixed with an endless cycle of hypervigilance.

I sat down on the branch I was standing on, resting my back against the textured bark. This tree had survived many of its companions, leaves as big as a grown man and fruits the size of a small child. It too was going to fall victim to this conflict soon, that seemed inevitable now. The smoldering patches in the distance were growing closer each minute, engulfing everything in its path; flora, and fauna alike. It was going to disappear along with the other living inhabitants of the forest, simply another casualty.

Tonight, this war was finally coming to an end. It simply must before it consumed the whole of creation. With the sphere set ablaze, I did not dare imagine what would happen if this conflict were not halted. By morning it could spread to neighboring realms, by sunset the universe could burn to ash. Everything was going to be turned to dust, drifting off into the endless emptiness. I just could not stand by and stomach that. I had to do something if no one else dared to.

Before this cursed war had started, I had been a son, a partner, and a brother to many. I had been loved and cared for; I had been part of something greater I had failed to fully appreciate. Now, I was hunted, my entire being reduced to an enemy to be striven against while I was being pursued like prey by my own kind. I had lost everything that kept me going, everything that mattered until only suffering remained. Family, friends, all consumed by the conflict brewing in our midst.

I had no desire to carry on living after tonight. I had struggled for so long to come to terms with my demise, but today I had made my peace with my decision. After all, I too craved the swift end of my existence, to be free from the nightmares that plagued my day and reincarnated in the depths of my dreams at night. I desired to leave behind the anguish and torment that came with fighting for survival every day, knowing they were out there, just waiting for the right moment to strike me down.

I took no pleasure in what lay ahead, yet I recognized what needed to be done. That did not mean it came easy, my heart weighed heavier with every second passed. I dreaded the moment to come and yet I hoped for it to arrive soon, I wished for a different path to make itself clear, but it became more apparent by the second that my hopes were futile. The slaughter had to end yet the price I had to pay seemed too great at one point. I had to take my life, the lives of the ones I loved and countless more.

I did not matter anymore. I was just a nobody who made a mistake that initially sparked the conflict that led to all of this. I tried to take accountability, every attempt to fix this was met with hostility and retaliation to the strongest degree. Soon, the realization that I could never take this back slowly sank in. I would happily give my life, even if I only saved a single soul tonight. What bothered me was the need to trade in the lives of others in a desperate attempt to save many more.

If it worked out. There were no guarantees which left a sour taste in my mouth. Although I meticulously thought it through, I just could not be sure of its success and that frightened me. I might give it my all and it might be for nothing. At least I was not going to have to see it through to the end and be confronted with having sacrificed countless lives, all in the name of conflict resolution, only for the war to continue uninterrupted. There was no afterlife for someone like me.

I took a deep breath, bracing myself for what lay ahead as I dropped to the ground. The earth warmed my naked feet with the residual heat of the fire, a surprisingly comforting sensation as I made my way towards the slaughter.