story
There’s this one quote from Mark Twain that I don’t think I ever really understood, “But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?” I don’t believe the devil deserves the prayers of the people, he enjoyed hurting and playing with humans who he believed were less important than insects, who didn’t deserve God’s love over the angels. He hated our imperfections when that was that was God’s real purpose for humans, to display how good with all its faults and shortcomings, finds a way to be triumphant. The Morningstar’s banishment to hell was justified. He should be despised and forgotten, as all sinners are fated to.
“Thunk,” a loud sound is heard, in the empty parking lot behind the school on this premature morning, as I felt the burning intensify around my left eye. Miles had one hell of a right hook, maybe that’s why he’s the star quarterback. He wasn’t very big, but he was reasonably strong and lean. It was only the beginning of our sophomore year and he already had scouts coming in to recruit him. The two big gorillas holding my arms as I hung my knees bent were also on the football team, of course. Basically, Miles’ bodyguards. I didn’t remember their names, though I don’t think I ever bothered to learn them. Why give your bullies even more power over you than what they already physically possess. I called them Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum for convenience. They could have truly passed as twins, although Tweedle Dum was two years older than us.
“Are we done with the physical assault for today? Homeroom will start in an hour. Teachers are going to start filling up this, right out of Twilight, parking lot.” I said tired of the constantly broken noses and black eyes.
“Don’t you dare go babbling to your father about any of this.” Tweedle Dee said trying to sound threatening in his high-pitched girly voice. If it weren’t for his big physique no one would take him seriously.
“He knows better than to ever do that don’t you, Mr. Retard Baby? I’m sure the Chief of Police has better things to do in his big posh house than to run around after you anyway.” Miles teased before I had any chance to register what they were talking about.
In the 8th grade, Miles had drugged me, when I woke up, I was wearing a diaper and a baby headpiece with a pacifier in my mouth. I woke up to numerous flashes blinding me. The pictures were circulated throughout the whole of middle school. Everyone everywhere was calling me big baby, diapers, mommy’s boy, or Miles’ favorite; baby retard. I’m pretty sure that word isn’t socially acceptable anymore but society seemed to be below Miles’ needs.
“Don’t pretend to know anything about my life you twat.” I barred at him. The three chuckled. The gorillas let my arms go and I melted into the sullied cement. They hated me because they thought I lived an easy life, that I had a silver or bronze spoon handed to me, and that they had to earn things through excruciating blood and sweat. Oh, how wrong they were.
“Better not run home after school, I need to let off some steam,” Miles said with an obnoxious smirk on his face. He kicked my stomach from the left and they scurried inside leaving me laying breathless and weak. I felt a penetrating heat in me. Was it anger or embarrassment? No, it was hate, a burning abhor. I hated this. I loathe everything in my life. The one thing I sincerely loved abandoned me and then this world. What was the point of life anyway?
After a few minutes of self-wallow, I got up with a wistful sigh and headed towards the small two-story building beside the main school. I took my key and unlocked the back librarian’s door to enter. I hid in here so much that the sweet aging librarian took pity on me, and gave me a key to his door through the back. Miles couldn’t find me in here, no one could. It was my one safe place in the world.
I went to my corner by the west wall towards the back of the building and read a few volumes of marvel comics. I loved their heroes. All damaged but time and time again chose to do the right thing and protect people over their own interests. Unsurprisingly, my favorite was Spiderman. A kid around my age gone through tragedy, who could have been a villain if he wanted to, yet became a hero who helped folks in need. I wished someone would protect me like that, save me from my own purgatory. I wonder what I did to deserve it.
I must have fallen asleep for hours because Mr. Stone, the librarian, came to wake me up to tell me that school had ended half an hour ago and I should head home now. My eye was sore and stinging like a burn. Mental note to put medical cream on it.
I walked home satisfied with my nap in the least, dreading going home. We lived on top of the St Mary Boulevard hill, in a mildly large house. My father had been the Chief of Police for a long time and had ‘contributed’ to the community more than a few times and so has been compensated well enough. I must admit he was good at his job. Though I hope he’s not in a foul mood tonight.
“Mom I’m home,” I yelled stepping through the front door. I headed towards the kitchen swinging my backpack on one of the dining table chairs on the way. “It smells nice in here. He’s coming home early today huh?”
My mother turned to look at me and her face dropped into a frown as soon as she saw my eye. She held her hands to my face, palms to cheeks, and I saw tears welling up in her eyes. It broke my heart. I wish I could release her of the pain she always falls victim to. I don’t know how long she can go on like this.
“Do you think I should do something? Talk to the principal maybe?” She asked while her face revealed she already knew the answer. That it’ll only cause trouble for everyone, and he won’t like that.
I smiled at her with all the warmth I could muster. And shook my head to let her know that I was fine. I could take it. For her if not anyone else.
The day went on as I did my chores and helped mum set the table for dinner around 7 pm.
He came home and was quiet the whole of dinner. That wasn’t a good sign. He was pissed.
“The beans aren’t cooked properly. The whole meal tastes bland. Do you want me to have horse shit for dinner? Can’t a woman do anything these days?” He scolded, his voice rising with every word. Mum was flinching from the volume he rose to, anxious and timid because of him. I couldn’t just sit by and watch, he wouldn’t just stop yelling. She’s already had a broken rib just this month.
“Maybe you just have the taste buds of an old man,” I said to him, looking right into his dead stone eyes, challenging him, showing him that I wasn’t afraid when in veracity I was turned to stone.
“What did you just say to me, boy? Who puts food on your table? The roof over your head huh? Aren’t you just begging for a night down in the cell today?” He bellowed like a bull. Truthfully, I was terrified of another night in the cell. It was the worst part of my life, it scared me more than death itself, and my father, its enabler was my grim reaper.
He removed the standard 9mm luger from its harness attached to his pant belt. In the slightest show of hand he moved it right to my temple, clogging the safety off piercingly slow, tormenting me. He creeped closer to my head, “You don’t want to test me. I would not hesitate to pull this trigger on you right here, right now. Know your place, son. You are worth nothing.” He spoke, dragging his tongue when he called me his son. As if it physically hurt him to have any relation to me.
He put his gun back into the holster and pulled me by my arm, He was immensely stronger than me and had gone through this enough time it felt like a simulation at that point. Mum got up and tried pulling at his hand to let me go, pleading but he only pushed her away. I heard her fall and possibly bump her head. I couldn’t see, we’d already left the room, heading down the hallway, to the last dimly lighted door. The one that led to the basement.
He dragged me down the stairs. Right in front of the steps was a small cage, large enough to fit a thin stick-like boy in a fetal position, crapped up. The Cell, he called it. He said I was bad and ruthless like the criminals his department catches, murderers, and assaulters. He said that whenever I behaved criminally, he’d put me in here as punishment, that it was for my own benefit and will teach me a lesson. He does it because he loves me and wants me to grow up to be a good citizen. My brother apparently went through the same but at least he escaped, and I hate him for it.
He stuffed me into the cage swung the door closed and locked it shut. Without another glance or word, he left and the light receded as the basement door got slammed close. There was a small lightbulb in the center of the room but it was so old that the light only gleamed in a small circle under it, leaving the borders of the room dark and wretched.
The Cell detention started after my older brother graduated high school and immediately left to join the navy. He always said the sea was his escape. Father bragged about it everywhere but internally he was probably mad that he had one less toy to abuse now. Since then, he started forcing himself on mum more frequently, I couldn’t stand by and watch it unfold like that. The screaming and crying and grunts filled the house, I couldn’t take it. So, I coerced him to turn his attention to me.
After 5 months a notice came from the navy saying that my brother had died while their ship was struck by a violent storm. That was 7 months ago. He was the one person I loved more than anything. Even though everything he always made me feel safe like it was all a game and we were losing but if we work hard enough for more hp points, we’ll become strong and win. I didn’t remember a lot from my childhood however I remembered how he protected me from the school bullies, or at least from their physical hits. But then he abandoned me, escaped. The idiot didn’t even spend a long time in freedom at that.
I heard throwing and crashing from above, my mind running, I couldn’t help her. I couldn’t be her or anyone’s hero. I was worthless.
I wanted to close my eyes and black out but I can’t. They’ll come for me. The demons, disfigured evil incarnates. With their swirling eyes and big freakish smiles. I couldn’t let my guard down for the darkness would eat me alive, and I’d be lost in nothing. I sat there cramped, not blinking for as long as I could, refusing to fall asleep. As long as I am awake, they won’t come closer. I can do this.
It didn’t feel like any time was passing, everything was still and frozen and cold for eternity.
The basement door opened and a was key tossed near my jail. I scampered to reach them. I opened the cage and then dashed inside towards my room.
After I cooled down, I got ready for school, mum make toast, I grabbed two and ran to school before I was late. The school day was going well, I got some sleep in a few classes and avoided Miles and his goons too. That is till lunch, my shit luck caught up with me.
I was heading towards the library backdoor looking back to check if anyone saw me when someone startling was standing in front of the private entrance.
He smirked after seeing the surprise mixed with hopelessness on my face. I tried collecting myself to ask, “Weren’t you at the Inter-State Debatathon for another day?”
“The school we were against dropped off the final round so we won by default, coming back a day early. But I see someone’s gotten confident in the one week I was away. I should fix that.” Hayden spoke like we were the closest friends.
He tilted his head in a small jerk and I felt someone grab me from the back, I tried kicking my feet but he was stronger. I got a glance at his face, it was Tweedle Dee. I groaned internally.
The stupid gorilla dragged me into the boys’ locker room and dumped me on the floor, snatching my backpack. Once we were in Hayden moved a bench to barricade the door. It’s not like anyone was going to come running in after hearing my cries if help anyway. All the students knew I was their play toy and were scared they’d get bullied if they interfered. The teachers ignored my suffering too. Miles brought in many universities looking for athletes, he was vastly popular in local newspapers. He even appeared in the state paper when the school won regionals. Then there’s Hayden, the smartest kid in school, both parents are scientists. He brings all the attention academically like winning the Debatathon. No way any of the teachers or the school board risk the school’s reputation and their brightest students’ success, which brings in thousands of dollars in commission, for a stupid kid who can’t behave.
Miles comes out from behind the locker row, “took you long enough,” he said jokingly. Miles was just Hayden’s lackey. He thought they were friends but Hayden rarely ever gives him attention. He rarely gives anyone attention, except when he needs to blow off some steam, then I get all the unwanted commitment.
Hayden pointed towards my backpack, Tweedle dee opened the zipper and dumped all the contents on the floor. He picked up the library’s copy of Crime and Punishment. He took out a lighter from his back pocket as Miles took out his phone to record, I assumed. The gorilla held the lighter under the book, playing with the distance between the two.
I tried to read forward for it but Hayden knocked me down and stepped on my foot, wedging it between his shoe and the floor. I swear I almost heard the bones crack.
“Do as I say or I’ll command that no brain to burn it to ashes.” He said referring to Tweedle Dee. I nodded in defeat. Father would kill me if he found out that he had to pay for the damaged property of the school. Hayden was always the mastermind behind Miles’ tactics. The baby pictures were also his idea.
Hayden backed up behind Miles and told him to start recording. “Take your pants and underwear off and jerk off.” He said grinning. You could see the mischievous enjoyment in his eyes. I wanted to gauge his eyes out by hand for it.
I did as he told me as they giggled like little children and told me to go faster, teasing me relentlessly. It was awfully embarrassing.
As soon as they were satisfied, a laughing mess, I picked myself up, snatched my stuff, moved the fatuous bench, and ran outside towards the south of the school. There was a forest leading to a highway that led downtown. I was about to jump over the fence when someone yelled, “hey,” behind me. It was Rose, the school dealer. I forgot this is where the junkies hung out.
“The thing in the locker room was live-streamed on Miles’ account. Think you need these more than anyone else today.” She said while holding a small plastic bag with two pills in it. I was going to say that I’m good but I needed to forget for a while, I needed to get out of my head. I needed release from my life. I gave her half a smile and took the bag. When I got out of the forest and met the highway, I took both pills dry. Both scraped my throat as they went down.
The next thing I know I wake up on the beach in the scorching afternoon heat, naked. A new set of my clothes are folded neatly beside me, my backpack nowhere in sight. My body smells of salt, and sand grains sticking to my back and legs. Did the drugs make me skinny-dip in the ocean?
I put on the clothes and found my phone and a hundred-dollar bill in the pockets of my jeans. I checked the time; it had been 3 hours since I left school. I didn’t remember anything after I took the two small pills. Where the hell was my backpack and the clothes I was previously wearing?
I called a taxi through my phone and headed home. I roamed through the house inaudibly in case he was home, but he wasn’t. Neither was mum. The master bedroom smelled like bleach for some reason. I assumed that he must have been at a work event and mum went along with him to be his pretty housewife as always, not that she had any choice.
I found my backpack against the wall along the door to my bedroom. Shit. I must have come home while high on drugs. Shit. I hope neither of my guardians saw me in that state. It would just sadden mum and if it was him, I was screwed. No, if they had seen me like that and realized I was high then they would have never let me leave the house. So, I probably didn’t encounter either of them or at any rate, they didn’t recognize I’d done drugs. God, I was never going to do drugs again.
I melted into my bed and went to sleep. I woke up a few hours later, the sun had set and it was dark outside. I hurriedly turned on the lights and went down to the living room. I was hungry so I checked the fridge for some food and thankfully there were some leftovers. I heated them up and started to head upstairs to my room when I heard a muffled voice from my parent’s room. I slowly crept up to the door to put my ear to the door. Curiosity would be the death of me.
Father was talking to someone on the phone and seemed quite aggravated but was trying to keep his voice as slow as he could. Must have been something really important. “Paternal leave? What a joke! When is our guy coming back then? I need him to manipulate the autopsy the way I want. It has to be at the quickest. Yes, it’s an emergency! Get your ass on it right now.” He was conversing. Guessing the conversation was over, nervous he’d open to see me eavesdropping, I sprinted back up to my room and hoped he won’t come in.
In the end, he didn’t come to visit me and I had a quiet peaceful night after days of chaos and fear.
I woke up early as soon as my alarm for school went off, I showered and headed to the kitchen hoping for some good old breakfast before walking into my living nightmare of public education. But to my dismay, the kitchen was empty. I wandered through the whole house again, getting a sense of déjà vu. Mum usually comes home before school no matter how important the event is. The one place I hadn’t checked yesterday was the basement but what would mum be doing there?
I opened the dreadful door and hauled a chair to make sure it didn’t close on its own. I wasn’t an idiot. The basement was supposed to be empty with the exception of my small prison but there was a large horizontal freezer in the other corner now. That’s weird, why would he get a freezer and put it in the basement?
I walked towards it to peak inside and-
‘No. No no no no no no no no NO! This cannot be happening. No, it’s impossible.’ Were the kinds of thoughts running through my head, flooding my brain. There was a dead body in some freezer in the basement of my house. And not just somebody. It was the body of my mother.
‘What the hell am I supposed to do?’ My mother is dead, my one and only person, the person who grew me in her stomach for nine months, the one who didn’t leave my father only because it would have been worse on me because she wouldn’t have been able to provide for my education. Water started flowing rapidly down my face, my lungs felt sore, air wouldn’t enter through my nose, my knees buckled and I fell to the miserable floor in woe. ‘What was I supposed to do? Should I tell father?’ But that’s when it came crashing in, the realization of how the hell her corpse ended up here. The basement was where he left all his unwanted trash, the mistakes he wanted to punish and hide. ‘He did it. Wait wasn’t he talking about manipulating some autopsy yesterday?’
I got up and looked at my decaying mother, he killed her and now he probably wanted to blame it on me. That’s the only explanation. No wonder he hadn’t come to my room last night, I couldn’t have any newly beaten wounds or extreme dark circles under my eyes. Shit. Was he heading back with a team of cops to arrest me?
‘No, yesterday his conversation indicated that he didn’t have the pathologist to perform the post-mortem procedure. He probably still hasn’t come in yet.’
I closed the freezer’s opening and said a short goodbye to my mum, thanking her and apologizing for everything. In consolation, now she was free. I went to the living room and waited for him to return home. I was ready.
My father didn’t come home for the next 2 hours. After which I heard the sound of his car pulling up in the driveway, the ignition turned off and the front door opened to reveal my father.
“Why aren’t you in school boy?” He started with his tantrum.
“Do you even regret it?”
He looked at me puzzled, “You’re a monster!” I yelled as I darted at him, revealing the knife in my right arm. This was the first time I’d ever fought back, he was surprised and I took advantage of that. Without hesitation I shoved the knife into his chest and pulled it out, it took at the strength I had in me. His fat body flopped on the ground, right side up. I stood above him and slashed him in every exposed spot I could see and I broke his arms as compensation for every time he hit my mother, me, and my dear brother.
Revenge felt good. Why did people always say that it left you with nothing? My soul was on fire, I was burning contentment. But this will probably cost me 30 years to life in jail, it wasn’t enough. I want more. I started for his shed in our backyard, the one where he kept his illegal hunting gear.
