The last Hour of a Young Man
Inhale, Exhale, control your breathing William, everything is going to be just fine, stay calm.
“Wake up you lazy bastard!” Waking up with a daze I instinctively shouldered my rifle only to find my sights set on my friend James, we had signed up together just a few weeks prior- we were both hungry for an adventure, one which we could remember for the rest of our lives; and when the ‘big push’ began being talked about it seemed like the perfect timing. James was always positive, not a negative bone in his body, if i had accidentally shot him when i woke up i’d bet anything he’d still be sporting his wide, toothy grin.
“What do you want, James? Barely caught any sleep thanks to you!” With a laugh he outstretched his hand to help me up, all the while saying “It’s almost time for the push! Captain wants a word with us all fore’ we go up.” With a groan i slung my rifle over my shoulder and began walking, the Captain is a right miserable bastard, the exact opposite of James, everything needed to be perfect when he was there, once, the top button on my tunic was not fastened and he gave me double guard duty, despite this he ignores the fact that we are in a trench that smells of shit, is ankle high in mud and filled with Rats; probably because hes an officer who gets to live in a comfortable village miles away from any of the fighting, fucking pretentious prick; thinks he’s special because he went to a fancy school where he learned to hold a knife and fork.
Arriving at the shit-heap where the Captain will give his speech, we joined the crowd of other faceless, identical soldiers. The voices of the lads abruptly cut out as the Captain made his presence known and stepped into an area which was little more than a patch of solid mud. He began his speech and as usual i began to daydream, though instead of the usual things, Girls, Drinks and Clean Clothes i instead daydreamed about the events of the day to come, i imagined myself and James heroically jumping into the German trench and plunging our bayonets into the Panicking Murderers chests.
Suddenly I snapped back to reality and just about heard the captain saying how a massive barrage had crippled the Germans, destroying their defensive positions and leaving only a few, unorganised Germans with no equipment. Finally, the speech ended and the assault was to begin any second… Despite what we have been told I still feel some unease, hell even James’ smile began to quiver slightly as the Captain brought his whistle to his lips. Inhale. Exhale. Stay calm William, you’re going to get through this, you’ve nothing to worry about. Breaking me out of my trance, the whistle screamed as the Captain blew into it. Despite my nervousness, my resolve was at a high and I instantly threw myself into no man’s land…
As we began to walk across the barren, dead landscape everything was so quiet, it was never this quiet, the sound of whizzing bullets and artillery was a constant in the trenches, but now, silence. “Holy shit! The Captain was fucking right!” Shouted an elated man I did not know, I could not help to crack a smile and drop my guard slightly as I continued walking. James began to speak to me “Oi lad, i reckon once we take this, we might just get ourselves some leave time! We’d be heroes! Pushing Jerry back to Berlin! My god i can’t wa-” suddenly his voice was cut out as we both heard a familiar sound- a terrifying, all too familiar sound… The sound of a Machine gun wildly firing in a rapid burst… Suddenly the quiet landscape became hell on earth, the previously silent trenches suddenly came alive! More machine guns began firing, cutting down droves of men; some of which I had known before we even signed up, some of which I had shared jokes and conversations of home with, turning them into masses of flesh, unrecognizable as people anymore, some of which still alive, writhing in agony as they bled to death on the wet mud.
James began running forwards, leaving me in my daze behind. Instinctively I threw myself to the ground, taking cover in a shell hole. Thoughts ran through my mind- how are they still alive?!?! Why was command so confident they would be all dead?!?! Where the fuck is James?!?! Before I lost all cohesion, I tried to comfort and calm myself. I needed to keep a clear and level head if I was going to survive this hell and live to see those I love again…
Inhale, Exhale, control your breathing William, everything is going to be just fine, stay calm.
It did little to still my mind but at least it gave the illusion of me being in control of this situation. Suddenly my training and conditioning rushed back to me; there was no room for cowards in the British Army, I had to push on, I had to serve the king. Taking a few seconds to collect myself, with a yell of defiance I rose out of the hole. But as I took my first step, I found myself plummeting back into the shell hole. I tried to stand once more but I felt so weak, why do I suddenly feel weak?!? Slowly a great pain on the right side of my body, just below my ribs began to reveal itself, speaking to no-one in particular I began yelling and cursing as the pain took hold, the pain, its unbearable, I can’t breathe, i need help, i need help, i need my mother. Where is James? He should be here, he said we would always be together and that we would get through this together. I tried to call out for a medic, but all i could let out was a pathetic whimper for help, barely audible to myself, let alone to anyone outside the shell hole, that is if there is anyone left; while the sound of machine guns was constant, the yells and screams of my fellow soldier became quieter and quieter as more and more were cut down.
I feel so tired, help isn’t coming… I’m going to die in this hole, the captain lied to us, did James abandon me? Or is he in the same situation as I am? I don’t want to die, this is not what I wanted. Someone, please help me.
“JA!” I heard the man next to me yell with rage in his voice, “Dropped all of the British Schweine!” It was a grisly sight, the ruined scenery all around us topped off by the many corpses lay before me... This was the third time i had seen real combat; I only finished my training in Hamburg a few months ago and I felt physically sick, this time it was not so easy to ignore my actions... I fed the ammunition to that man, i’m in part responsible for this... this massacre! How many of those boys were just like me? Where I served my Kaiser and the great German Empire, they served their King and Empire.
God help me.
While I had previously been patriotic and brave in the face of battle, one thought remained inside my head, behind my Stahlhelm. I must survive, forget the Kaiser and his Weltpolitik, forget Deutschland, I want, no NEED to return home and get out of this hell... The attack seemed to be over, at least in my section of trench; the sound of gunfire was still deafening but i could tell how far away it all was. Taking my chance with the lack of officers around me I ran from my post and tucked myself into a dugout, I was not going to die today; I have to survive.
