Chapter 1
HANNAH MONROE
“I’m sorry, Ms. Monroe, but I’m afraid we’ve decided not to continue your contract with us.”
My stomach dropped and my mind went blank for a moment. I couldn’t comprehend what had just been said. They were letting me go? I’d given a year of myself to this prestigious daycare. Bonded with the children. Gotten to know the parents and all their many eccentricities. Learned to work with the ones who could be worked with and tiptoe around the ones who couldn’t. I’d thought I was doing a pretty good job. Now I was being fired?
“Ms. Monroe?” the administrator, Mr. Poole, prompted, looking at me with no discernable expression. Was this his idea? The school board? Did the parents complain about me for some reason? Did anyone fight for me?
I shook my head to clear it and cleared my throat as well. “I’m sorry, I’m just a little surprised. I-I thought I’d been doing a good job…” My eyes flicked to his face, but his bespectacled gaze remained impassive, and the pit in my stomach grew as I looked away again, feeling more intimidated by the second. I didn’t do well with bosses, or with confrontation in general. I’d never been assertive enough. When it came to fight or flight, I flew. Every time.
I cleared my throat again, my hands clenched at my sides, then forced myself to stay put and ask the question that didn’t want to budge past my lips. “Can I ask why? So I can, um, improve myself in the future?” I didn’t want him to think I was whining, or that I would beg to keep my job, though it was difficult not to do either. I loved this job, and I loved those kids. The thought of leaving made my heart hurt.
“This is a fine institution, Ms. Monroe, and we need to live up to a certain level of sophistication. I’m afraid you just aren’t quite the right fit.”
I let out a breath of surprise and devastation and winced, my eyes flicking to his face again, to his unreadable expression. The pit in my stomach started to churn, my flight response kicking into high gear. I needed to escape this office, this terrible way I was feeling, just drown myself in junk food and reality TV. I swallowed the lump growing in my throat, or tried to, anyway. “Th-thank you,” I said thickly, getting up quickly and moving to the door. I had to get out of here before the tears started. I’d been told in the past that I was too emotional, and I wasn’t going to let this man see me cry. “I’ll clear my things out and leave the classroom key on the desk.”
“Mrs. Chittick in reception will have documents for you to sign on your way out,” Mr. Poole said as I opened the door, his tone disinterested, his eyes already on what I assumed was the next order of business on his desk. “Good luck in your future endeavors.”
Bitterness burned in my throat as I exited the room. Hearing such a cool comment somehow made this all even worse. A large part of my life had revolved around this preschool for a year. A whole year! Now I was being unceremoniously tossed out as if I was nothing. I’d thought I’d been making a place for myself here but based on the dismissive tone of Mr. Pool’s voice, I’d been very wrong.
I managed to hold back my tears, barely able to breathe past the sharp pain in my throat, as I signed the documents Mr. Poole had mentioned. I couldn’t look at Mrs. Chittick. I didn’t know her well, but she’d always seemed like a nice old lady. If I looked at her, I’d definitely start to cry.
“What a horrible turn of events,” she said sympathetically. “Those kids are going to miss you something fierce.”
“I’m going to miss them too,” I managed to rasp out around the giant lump in my throat.
“You know what they say,” she continued. “When life closes a door, it opens a window. This is just a sign that you haven’t yet found where you’re meant to be. I like to think this place came close, but something else will come along that will really call to you.”
God, I hated those sayings. They meant absolutely nothing and always came across sounding fake and insincere. Unable to speak past the bitterness and sadness that filled my whole body, I blinked back the tears and nodded, then stumbled from the office and down the hall to my now former classroom. Thankfully, I didn’t run into anyone. I’d completely fall apart if I did.
I could barely see what I was doing as I gathered up my things as quickly as possible, swallowing hard and shoving back the tears and forcing myself to take deep breaths in and out. I just needed to hold it together for a few more minutes. I tossed everything into a box and hurried from the room.
On the way out the door to the staff parking lot, I bumped shoulders with someone coming in. “Sorry,” I murmured quickly, not even looking up at the person as I hurried outside. There was no reply. Once I’d made it back to my decade-old, beat-up little green hatchback, I tossed everything into the back seat and then slid behind the wheel. Only then did I allow myself to let the tears flow.
I’d loved this job. I’d loved those kids. I’d loved working with most of the other staff here, and I’d just started feeling like I kind of fit in. I was definitely what you’d consider socially awkward, and I knew I had some issues with feeling like I didn’t belong, especially in new situations. It always took me awhile to feel comfortable enough to really give all of myself to any situation or person. Maybe that had been part of the problem here. Maybe people hadn’t felt like they were connecting with me, even if I myself had felt the connection. That had always been my fear, hadn’t it? That I felt the connection and others didn’t? And instead of putting myself out there and trying to connect with others, I pulled myself back to protect myself against inevitable rejection? Well, it was too late now. I doubted anyone would even care that I was gone.
I took in a few gasping breaths, trying to stem the flow of tears as I tried to turn on the car. It turned over but wouldn’t start, and I groaned. “Oh, come on, Henrietta,” I coaxed, trying again. “Please, not today. Any day but today.” She started on the third try, and I breathed a sigh of relief. I wiped my eyes and blinked several times to get myself under control. I needed to get out of here, but I couldn’t drive if I couldn’t see. I didn’t want anyone here seeing me like this. The need to flee was overwhelming.
“Get it together, Hannah,” I told myself, taking another deep breath. “You just need to get home. Then you can fall apart as much as you want.” One more deep breath, and then I nodded to myself and turned my Broadway playlist on high volume before pulling out of the parking space and heading home.
“What. The. Fuck.”
Jai, my roommate and best friend, looked absolutely furious when I told him the news. I just shrugged my shoulders miserably and shook my head. “I don’t even know. I’d thought I was going to fly through that review meeting, but apparently not.” By the time I’d gotten home, I was just as angry as I was devastated, and that anger fueled me now.
“He said I wasn’t ‘sophisticated enough’ for the institution,” I said bitterly, rolling my eyes and using finger quotes to emphasize the words. “I’m trying to decide if I’m too poor or too fat for them. You’d think the moms would like me—they never have to worry about their husbands hitting on the teacher. The school admin should like that too. Fewer scandals that way.”
Jai ran his hand through his black hair and rolled his eyes. “First of all, you’re beautiful, and any of those dads—or moms, for that matter—would be lucky to be able to have an affair with you,” he said fiercely. “Secondly, that’s why we have the job in the first place! So that we’re not poor! This is such BS, Hannah. They don’t deserve you. You’re way too good for them.”
“Yeah, well, good or not, I’m the one without a job now, and without any ability to pay rent. I need to find something new, and fast, or else we’ll both be out on the street.” I sighed and sat down on the couch, closing my eyes, my head throbbing from crying. I hated that I was a crier. It made me feel so weak.
Jai sat down beside me and wrapped his arm around me. I rested my head on his shoulder as Lion-O, our fat, orange cat, jumped up onto my lap, rubbing his nose against my chin. I scratched the top of his head and then started petting him, the act of running my fingers through his thick fur from head to tail calming me a little. I loved this cat. I swore he could always tell when I was upset.
“We’ll find you something.” He thought about it for a second. “Actually, remember that guy, Devon, that I work with at the café?” I nodded. “Well, he just got a decent-sized part in the new musical coming out in a few months. Fancies himself a professional actor or something now.” He rolled his eyes and smiled. “Anyway, he just quit. We should get you in before he comes back with his tail between his legs! I’d much rather work with my bestie than that narcissistic prick.”
“The café?” I asked, lifting my head and looking at him incredulously. “Do we remember how I fared the last time I worked in a café? Tripping over people’s feet? A whole tray of food spilled all over two tables full of customers? Hell, I practically burned you beyond recognition with that pot of coffee that one time.”
He rolled his eyes at me, his tone turning haughty. “First of all, people need to learn to keep their feet under the damn table. It’s a restaurant, not a living room. Secondly, you’re being ridiculously over-dramatic. I came out of that coffee pot mishap looking just as gorgeous as I’ve always been.” He grinned at me, and I couldn’t help but smile back. This was why he was my best friend. He always knew what to say to take my mind off things when I was freaking out.
“And spilling food all over people?” I asked, raising an eyebrow at him.
He thought for a minute, then shrugged. “That one, I’ve got nothing for. It was hilarious as hell, and it definitely made my day.” I shot him a scowl, but he just grinned, then squeezed my shoulder. “Besides, that was high school. Surely, you’ve gotten less clumsy since then.”
“Have we met me?” I asked with a laugh. I may not be super clumsy anymore, but I was far from graceful.
“Come on, come work with me again,” he said, giving me the puppy dog eyes he knew I could never resist. “I never get to see you anymore. We always work opposite shifts.” His face lit up. “Ooh, plus, if we work together, I won’t have to describe all the hot guys to you anymore, because you’ll get to see them too! And then we can fantasize about them together!”
I threw my head back and laughed. “Well, when you put it that way, how can I resist?”
“You can’t,” he said smugly. “I’ll talk to Eddie tomorrow about it. We’re short-staffed, as usual. He’ll hire you on the spot!”
