Distance.
Hidden longing:
Takaita Hiwatari
Chapter 2: “Distance”
The next few days passed torturously slow. Time seemed to make no progress in Naruto’s small apartment.
The night he received that unreal news he couldn’t sleep, and he was convinced that Sasuke couldn’t either. The next day the familiar nausea made him run to the bathroom, feeling a certain panic as he wondered if the news that he was pregnant was really true.
How was that supposed to have happened! He wasn’t a woman!
The next two nights he was unable to sleep either, and during the day he could hardly get a bite to eat. He had refused to visit Tsunade, terrified that after further tests she would actually confirm his diagnosis. Luckily, Sasuke didn’t even seem to be in the mood to drag him to Tsunade’s office.
On the other hand, Sakura was aware that for a few days he would not pass by her apartment claiming that he was feeling a little sick. Obviously he did not tell her the truth. Her childhood friend understood and asked him to take care of himself.
He came out of the bathroom after taking an attempt at a relaxing bath. He wore only his typical orange pants and in one hand he held a towel with which he dried his hair. There was a time after the war when he wore his hair really short, however now it had grown without being as long as it used to be. As he entered his room and passed in front of the full-length mirror, he took a couple of steps back so that he could study his reflection as he stood in profile.
In disbelief and with slow movements, he pulled down his pants a little to expose more of his belly and rested a hand on it. It was slightly bulging. Just like Sakura-chan’s not too long ago.
“Really…?” he stammered to himself, dumbfounded.
Was there really a little baby in there, growing inside her?
He didn’t even know how he should feel about it!
And seeing Sasuke feeling evidently unhappy since then didn’t help at all.
He turned as he heard footsteps approaching, bumping right into Sasuke entering the room. The black-haired man stopped in his tracks to find the scene of Naruto with his belly exposed and a hand on it, in profile in front of the mirror apparently studying himself.
Discomfort strained his shoulders when he could clearly see the small bulging belly, and that Naruto noticed, so he quickly walked to the closet and took the first T-shirt he found to put it on and cover himself from the scrutiny of the opposing eyes. A white one with short sleeves.
“I thought you had gone out’ttebayo,” he blurted out to break the awkward silence.
Sasuke nodded his head in agreement.
“I went out to buy some things we needed.” He tried to answer normally. “I also bought the ice cream you asked for last night.”
Naruto fleetingly recalled that the night before, despite it being cold, he commented that he was craving for mint chocolate ice cream immensely. He was even on the verge of going to one of those 24-hour stores to get it right then and there.
“Oh…” he muttered. “Thank you.”
Then he looked away, uneasy. Ever since he heard the news, living with Sasuke felt really awkward. They didn’t even seem like boyfriend and girlfriend, or even best friends… they just seemed like two guys sharing an apartment because they wanted to save on rent.
After a few long seconds of heavy silence, Sasuke walked to the kitchen with the intention of getting out of sight for a moment. He barely advanced a few steps when he was stopped.
“Wait! Sasuke, can we talk?”
He wasn’t sure he wanted to talk to Sasuke because he had a feeling he was going to hear things he wasn’t going to like, but he needed to clear, or at least lighten, that charged atmosphere between them.
The black-haired man didn’t answer anything, but turned his full attention on him, waiting to hear what he had to say to him.
“Since we heard the news we haven’t touched the subject again, and…” He paused for a moment, pondering how to continue while scratching a cheek with a finger. “Well’ttebayo, I’d like to know how you feel about it.”
Not wanting to answer that, Sasuke returned the question.
“How do you feel?”
Naruto wanted to compose a smile that didn’t come out well. He had noticed that Sasuke dodged answering, he wasn’t an idiot.
“I don’t know. Couples are supposed to feel happy when they get this kind of news, without going any further remember Sakura-chan and Lee!” he started chattering a bit nervously. “Instead you look so… uncomfortable with the news. More than that, you look unhappy,” he finally said, taking a couple of steps closer. “Sasuke, is this news really that bad? Because I don’t even know how I should feel right now, and seeing you in this sorry state doesn’t help me.”
“I... don’t quite know how I should feel either, Naruto.”
“But aren’t we supposed to be happy?” He got upset for a moment. “Especially you, you’re the last of your clan.” At the silence that followed that, Naruto sobered up his expression a bit. “Sasuke, be honest with me. You don’t want the baby, right?”
Sasuke answered, but it took him so many seconds to do so that it was obvious he was thinking of an excuse to say.
“I’m just trying to take it all in.”
“To take it all in… Sure.
Sasuke looked at him intently.
“What are you insinuating?”
“You would be happy if I lost the baby and he disappeared from our lives.”
Black and violet eyes widened in surprise at the accusation, but he wasn’t able to deny it instantly.
“It’s not like that…”
“I’m out of here!” sentenced turning around, leaving the small apartment with a resounding slam of the door.
At no point did Sasuke try to stop him or excuse himself, and that made Naruto feel worse as he walked briskly away from there.
“It’s not like I wanted this. Damn it!” he mumbled.
He felt like crying, but since his name was Uzumaki Naruto he wasn’t going to let a single tear escape because of that idiot Sasuke. He cried enough because of him in the past.
In his office, Kakashi was signing and sealing some papers when the door opened with a clatter, as if someone had kicked it.
“What the… Naruto! What kind of way is that to come in?” he chuckled slightly before returning his gaze to the papers in his hands.
“I need to get out of Konoha” he ruled, striding over to the desk. “Now!” For emphasis, he whipped his hands against the wood of the desk.
The Hokage blinked in surprise at the explosive bad mood the blond was in at the moment and raised his head to look at him.
“What’s with the urgency?” he asked with interest.
Then Naruto’s frown softened for a moment, thinking of an excuse that sounded believable. He wasn’t planning on telling the truth. It was cruel enough to receive rejection from Sasuke because of his condition.
“I’ve been taking care of Sakura-chan for months now and I haven’t left Konoha. I need a change of scenery or I’ll go crazy!”
The man looked at him with a sympathetic air. Certainly Naruto had stoically endured the not-so-simple task of taking care of Sakura, so he understood that he needed to go out.
“You must have some unassigned mission yet,” insisted the blond, ignoring the other’s thoughts.
“Just this morning we received an assignment…”
“Yes!” He celebrated instantly, interrupting him.
“I was going to send the old Team 8, but I can trade you for one of them… Maybe…” he commented thoughtfully.
“Shino gives me chills every time he looks at me dattebayo” he confessed. “We can go Kiba, Hinata and I,” he proposed.
Kakashi sighed deeply and finally gave in to Naruto’s wishes when he noticed his desperation to leave Konoha. It was a fairly short mission, it wouldn’t even take a week and it was simple to accomplish, yet Naruto didn’t complain in the slightest and was quite satisfied, especially when he knew he would have to leave Konoha the next morning.
He really needed to let Sasuke out of his sight for a few days. He couldn’t stand the tense atmosphere between them, and on the other hand, he needed to think about the baby that Tsunade said was growing inside him, how he felt about it.
In an unconscious movement, he brought a hand to his belly, catching Kakashi’s gaze as he gave him brief directions about the mission.
“And that would be all, Naruto. You can go to Ichiraku for ramen now.” He smiled under the mask.
“Huh?” he mumbled not understanding.
“You’re hungry, aren’t you?”
Then the blond was aware of the hand on his belly and pushed it away as if it burned while composing a nervous little smile.
“Y-yes, I’m actually hungry dattebayo,” he lied. His stomach churned for a fleeting second as he imagined eating ramen, so he quickly dismissed the idea.
“Remember: first thing tomorrow morning at the village gate. Be on time.”
“Ironic that you’re precisely the one talking about punctuality, don’t you think?” He smiled teasingly before turning around and walking towards the gate, feeling calmer. “Thank you, Kakashi sensei!”
The man sighed again and then smiled under the mask as he heard the way the blond called him, bringing back fond memories of the young team 7 he did missions with.
No doubt, those were good times.
But now the members of that team were almost adults, about to turn 20, and they had their lives made. On the one hand, Sakura had unexpectedly found love in Lee and in a few months they would have their first child. On the other hand, when he learned that Sasuke and Naruto had “something” he couldn’t be surprised for more than two seconds. It wasn’t so unexpected after all. Those two had always had a unique and special bond. Besides, deep down he always thought that the intense and determined way Naruto was determined to bring Sasuke out of the darkness and bring him back home wouldn’t make him just anyone.
He knew the story of Jiraiya and Orochimaru, who went through the same thing. As was obvious, at some point Jiraiya realized that he could never pull his old friend Orochimaru out of the darkness that consumed him and gave up his attempts to save him. No matter how close friends they were, everyone had a limit.
But Naruto didn’t.
He had never given up on Sasuke, so sometimes it was inevitable to wonder if Naruto’s feelings for his former friend were turning into an obsession, or perhaps the feelings had transcended into something more.
Although those feelings seemed to have blossomed so gradually and naturally that Naruto himself didn’t seem to be aware of them and always put his feelings of friendship as an excuse. That and the fact that, according to him, he could never be Hokage if he failed to rescue his friend.
He didn’t know who of the two took the first step for their current relationship to be born, was it Sasuke, maybe Naruto?
He only knew that after the fourth shinobi war, Sasuke served a punishment in Konoha while Naruto focused on his studies to become Hokage in the future. After that, Sasuke embarked on a journey of redemption to discover the world around him with different eyes. Eyes that were no longer blinded by hatred. Some time later, Tsunade managed to get Naruto’s right arm back using Hashirama’s cells and Naruto’s own.
Everything was calm in Konoha and in general in the shinobi world.
Months after the one year anniversary of Sasuke’s departure, Naruto went on a mission and to everyone’s surprise, he returned with Sasuke with a big smile on his face. Like a child who has received the best birthday present.
According to Naruto, they had met by chance near the borders of the country of the Waves, where Naruto had to perform his assigned mission.
Since that moment he had noticed the change between them, those two were spending quite a lot of time together, practically at all hours. He didn’t know the details but, perhaps when they met at the borders of the Wave country, they talked and clarified their true feelings.
After Sasuke’s nineteenth birthday, Tsunade proposed to him to recover his left arm in the same way she did with Naruto, however, at first the boy flatly refused, probably because he thought that as punishment for everything he did in the past he did not deserve that. Although, as it could not be otherwise, Naruto made him change his mind weeks later. How? Who knows. Naruto’s power of persuasion could sometimes be incredible.
But his former students were very restrained. It was not that you could see them on the street hugging or holding hands as Lee and Sakura once did. No, to anyone’s eyes they treated each other as simple friends would; but those who knew them in depth and knew the truth, as he did, could appreciate small nuances that gave him to understand that despite the facade, the relationship was not what it appeared to be.
Be that as it may, he was very happy for his former team 7. Sakura, as well as Sasuke and Naruto, had found their paths to happiness.
The night had arrived and there was still no sign of Naruto. Sasuke was worried, but at the same time he hadn’t had the courage to go out to meet him, he didn’t want to start a new fight. They had fought enough in the past.
He took a seat on the bed they shared, and rummaging through his clothes, pulled out his old Konoha protector. Amidst the silence he stared at it. That simple object held great sentimental value for both Naruto and him. For his part, it made him remember all the good and bad he had lived through, the mistakes he would never make again... Naruto and he had been through a lot to get to the present moment. He couldn’t remember when was the last time he had felt as fulfilled in every way as he was currently.
But…
’Congratulations on your future parenthood… I guess.’
The memory of Tsunade’s voice stunned him enough to clench the protector in his hand with inordinate force, until his knuckles turned white.
’My name is Uchiha Sasuke. I dislike many things and I don’t like anything in particular. I don’t like to sum it up as a dream, but I have an ambition: the ambition to restore my clan and… kill a certain man.’
When he was just a brat when he said those words by way of introduction, he remembered that he mentioned his intention to restore his clan, but at no time did he mean it in the sense of having offspring and continuing the lineage. He only wanted to kill his brother to avenge all the Uchiha cruelly killed at his brother’s hands.
In those days the honor of the Uchiha clan weighed on the shoulders of Itachi, who reduced the Uchiha family name to nothing, and on his own, who could not restore the lost honor of the Uchiha until he killed Itachi.
Then everything became more complicated when he discovered the truth about his brother and all his hatred was directed towards the village to avenge his brother’s death and cut any ties of the Uchiha clan with Konoha. His brother had led such a tragic life for the village to enjoy peace, and that simple thought made him burn with anger.
By razing that fucking village that made his brother and his clan suffer so much, he would restore the damage done to the Uchiha, the honor of the Uchiha family name would be restored. That was his definition of “restoring the Uchiha clan”.
’But aren’t we supposed to be happy? Especially you, you’re the last of your clan.’
Never, not even remotely, had the thought of having a child crossed his mind. If it had, he would never have turned down so many girls, he would have ended up paired with a woman and not Naruto. He would have spent his adolescence looking for a woman potentially fit to give him strong offspring and not looking for power to assassinate Itachi. He would have lived thinking about the future and not the past.
He had long since assimilated that with his death the Uchiha clan would cease to exist and become a legend. It would all end there.
But now…
He abandoned his musings and put the protector away again as he heard the door and the sound of soft footsteps approaching until he finally saw the blond enter the room as he removed his jacket to leave it in the closet.
“Oh, you’re still awake.”
“Where were you?” he spoke almost at the same time. “It’s late.”
Naruto shrugged his shoulders with a nonchalant movement and walked again to the exit of the room to go to the bathroom.
“I was in Ichiraku’ttebayo. I was craving for some bowls of ramen with lots of menma.”
“You hate menma” he pointed out the obvious once again.
As he was about to leave, the blond turned to face him with a certain seriousness uncharacteristic of him.
“That’s right, but apparently the baby that makes you so uncomfortable loves it.”
Instantly Sasuke turned his face away and pinned a guilty look on the floor. Then, he heard the bathroom door close.
The night was no less uncomfortable than the previous ones. Sasuke managed to fall asleep well into the wee hours of the morning, and his shinobi instinct made him wake up barely after hearing a noise that anyone could miss. He looked at the time on the clock on the nightstand and then at the blond entering the room fully groomed and dressed.
“Where are you going so early in the morning?” he asked sitting up in bed, running a hand through his tousled black locks.
“Um?” he focused on the other with no trace of the anger from the night before. “I’m going to Sakura-chan’s house to accompany her to the hospital, they’re going to run some tests... or some blood tests... something like that’tteba.”
Sasuke looked slightly interested when he heard that, and not exactly because he was worried about Sakura.
“Now that you mention it, we should go so Tsunade can check you out too.”
At the comment the blond visibly tensed, but Sasuke assumed it was because his dumb boyfriend was thinking about injections and needles.
He was barely pushing the sheets aside ready to stand up, when he saw the blond hurriedly grab his familiar black jacket and run off.
“See you later!” he exclaimed grabbing his backpack and protector that rested on the entrance landing hidden from Sasuke’s sight.
The resounding slam of the door made him realize in a matter of seconds that he had been left alone.
“That dobe…”
He let out a deep sigh, resigning himself to the fact that Tsunade wouldn’t be checking on Naruto that day. It’s not like he would try to lord it over Naruto’s airhead either and go to the extreme of dragging him to the hospital if necessary.
Again he focused his black gaze on the ground, feeling uncomfortable as well as guilty. It couldn’t be that a little baby just coming into existence was distancing him from his most important bond in this way.
The morning passed slowly and too peaceful for Sasuke. When it was time for lunch he was not surprised that Naruto had not returned, he assumed that he had stayed to eat at Sakura’s house as he always did since he took care of her.
However, as the sun set and the streetlights illuminated the streets, he decided to leave the dinner he was tasting halfway through and left the apartment to look for him. He had spent the whole day in the solitude of his home meditating on his situation with Naruto, and had decided that he would convince him to go with Tsunade the next day; then, depending on the results, they would have to decide what to do.
He couldn’t live forever acting as if that little baby didn’t exist. It was absurd. And he knew that in the long run it would only make the situation more painful, a situation that neither Naruto nor he had wanted in the end.
But that was the way things were now, and he had to face it once and for all.
Sakura’s smile was the first thing he saw as soon as the girl opened the door to her apartment.
“Sasuke-kun, hi!!” Her eyes sparkled with joy at the unexpected visit. “Come in, come in, you’re just in time for dinner.”
With the confidence of the years they had spent together, she took the boy by the wrist and guided him inside her home. The black-haired man was slightly uncomfortable as he realized that she thought he was there to visit her, and his actual intention was far from that.
“I’m not really hungry,” he replied, looking around once they reached the kitchen. “Are you alone?”
“Not at all, I’m in very good company,” she replied with a smile, letting go of the other to stroke her belly with both hands.
But ignoring that answer that did not offer him the information he desired, he studied his surroundings once more. He didn’t sense Naruto’s chakra even remotely.
“Where is Naruto? I thought he was here.”
“Ah?” She blinked confused by the question. “I don’t know where Naruto is, I haven’t seen him for a while.” She barely said that when she noticed a slight change in her friend’s rictus that got a little more serious. “Is something wrong, Sasuke-kun?” She worried.
Still with that facade of seriousness that tried to hide a growing concern, black and violet eyes met green ones.
“But Naruto was with you this morning, wasn’t he? To accompany you on your visit to Tsunade.”
“I don’t understand what you’re saying, Sasuke-kun” She shook her head slightly. “He told me days ago that he was feeling bad and needed to take a break, since then I haven’t seen him. By the way, is he better?”
Sasuke’s alarms of concern began to rise and he didn’t even hear the last of it. Something wasn’t right.
“So this morning you didn’t have a check-up at the hospital with Tsunade about your pregnancy?” He wanted to make sure.
“No, it’s still a while until my next checkup. I’ve been at home all day, I haven’t left here...” She was interrupted when she saw the other turn around and walks briskly towards the exit. “Sasuke-kun?”
“See you around,” he said goodbye in a hurried murmur, leaving the girl’s home.
He didn’t understand, why had Naruto lied to him?
Perched on one of the highest and closest rooftops he could find, Sasuke studied the streets of the village, trying to perceive the striking blonde hair among the few people that were passing by at that hour.
“Where the hell have you gone, usuratonkachi?” he asked himself in a whisper, still examining his surroundings. “Maybe…”
Skipping across the rooftops for a stretch, he finally landed in front of Ichiraku ramen. If Naruto wasn’t there, he felt like he should really start to worry.
He could hear Teuchi talking to someone as he approached, and he hoped that someone was Naruto.
Moving the small curtain to the side, he checked to see that Teuchi was indeed talking to a customer, but it wasn’t Naruto.
He wasn’t there either.
“Sasuke, hello,” greeted the always friendly Teuchi. “Would you like some…?” He couldn’t finish the question when he saw the boy turn around in a huff and run away. “What’s got into him?” he whispered to himself, puzzled.
Sasuke didn’t know where to look next, he could think of quite a few places to look. Maybe he was with Shikamaru, Kiba... any of them. Maybe he was at the monument of the Hokages carved into the rock. He ruled out that he had gone with Tsunade, as Naruto was terrified of needles. Looking up the Hokage tower caught his eye, seeing the lights of Kakashi’s office still on.
Quickening his pace he headed that way. He didn’t want to be paranoid but a slight bad feeling was starting to settle in his chest.
Kakashi was slightly startled when someone entered his office hurriedly, without knocking on the door.
“Sasuke?” He was surprised at the boy’s strangely impolite behavior, though on the other hand he immediately noticed his extremely serious expression, more so than usual. “Is something wrong?”
“Naruto has disappeared.”
“What?” he replied, dumbfounded.
“This morning he told me he was going to accompany Sakura to the hospital for a checkup for her pregnancy, but I just found out from Sakura herself that she had no such checkup. Naruto lied to me. I’ve been looking for him and there’s no trace of him.”
The Hokage sensed that even though Sasuke’s explanation was said seemingly calmly, his body was somewhat tense probably out of worry.
But then he remembered something.
“Wait a minute, Naruto hasn’t disappeared, he’s on a mission.”
Sasuke felt for a second like he was choking on his own saliva.
“What!?”
“Yes” He insisted and opened a drawer, taking out some papers that he looked through for a few seconds. “Sure enough, today they were going out on a mission Kiba, Hinata and Naruto.” He looked up when he heard his former ward mumbling swear words. “Sasuke, are you okay? You look a little… stressed. If it’s because of Naruto there’s nothing to worry about, you know he’s on a mission, although I don’t understand why he didn’t tell you…”
“Dammit, Kakashi, nothing is right.” He closed his eyes and lightly massaged his brow, trying to gather patience. “How could you even think of sending Naruto on a mission?”
Kakashi looked at him somewhere between curious and surprised at the way the boy spoke to him.
“I remind you that Naruto is a shinobi and he is perfectly capable of doing missions. Besides, it wasn’t me who decided it, it was Naruto himself.”
“What?”
“Yesterday Naruto came here, he looked just as angry and stressed as you are now. He practically begged me to send him on a mission. He told me he was stressed out from taking care of Sakura for so long and not leaving Konoha. And now, could you calm down, Sasuke?” He asked patiently.
Instantly the black-haired man remembered his argument the day before with Naruto. It didn’t take a smart ass to realize that the reason his boyfriend begged Kakashi to leave Konoha was to avoid seeing him and not because he was stressed about taking care of Sakura.
That situation was his fault.
“Kakashi, you have to send a message to Naruto and make him come back.”
The man raised an eyebrow as he realized that Sasuke wasn’t asking him to, he was ordering him to.
“And I should do that for…?” he asked intertwining his fingers on the table.
“Kakashi, don’t ask stupid questions. It wasn’t very wise of you to send Naruto on a mission knowing his condition─”
“What condition?” He interrupted totally intrigued.
Then Sasuke’s frown softened due to confusion.
“Wait, don’t you know? I thought that being the Hokage, Tsunade had told you.”
“Told me what, Sasuke?” This time a serious tone permeated his voice. “What’s going on?”
The black-haired man sighed and with a gesture that betrayed his uneasiness, he combed his hair back with a wave of his hand.
“Naruto…” He even had trouble pronouncing it. “Naruto is pregnant.”
A thunderous cough flooded the office when Kakashi surprisingly choked on his own saliva.
“I thought you knew” Insisted Sasuke, making himself heard over the constant coughing.
When the coughing finally stopped, Kakashi wiped away a treacherous tear that had escaped from one of his eyes and then focused on Sasuke for a few seconds, hesitating about asking him if that was a joke, but the concern and seriousness on his opponent’s face told him it wasn’t.
“Sasuke, I know you’re serious. Everything about you says so. But… it’s just unbelievable. How did it happen?” Seeing the obvious look the other gave him, he cleared his throat and quickly corrected himself a little embarrassed. “That’s not what I mean! I know how pregnancy happens. What I mean is, how is it possible for a man to be pregnant?”
“That’s the same thing I’ve been wondering myself these days, Kakashi. I don’t know if the kyuubi has anything to do with it.”
“And why hasn’t Tsunade informed me of anything? Being the Hokage I should be aware of such a delicate matter like this.”
“Maybe…” he mused for a moment. “Tsunade wanted to run more tests on Naruto to really confirm the previous result, but we didn’t go to the hospital again after the first diagnosis.”
“So why was that?” He was interested.
A new sigh burst from Sasuke’s lips.
“Since we heard the news, Naruto and I haven’t been at our best.”
Hearing that shocked the man.
“Well… I understand that it was surprising, but… it’s nice news.” He smiled slightly under the mask. “After all the bad and what you guys have suffered, you deserve to have something good like this happen to you. I am very happy for you. My most sincere congratulations.”
“Thank you.”
Kakashi was struck by the dispassionate way the boy answered him. Now that he looked closely, he didn’t at all look like a proud and happy father-to-be.
“Sasuke…” He looked at him with interest. “You know you’ve always been special to me and a treasured pupil, you can tell me what’s bothering you, I’ll help you in any way I can.”
“If you could turn back time, that would be wonderful.”
The man blinked in surprise as he understood what that implied.
“You’re not happy about the baby” He understood. “Why?”
Instantly he saw Sasuke turn around and walk a few steps. For a second he thought he was going to walk away just like that, without answering his question. But no, Sasuke stopped and tilted his face, as if he was mulling over the right words to answer.
“It’s enough that Konoha hates only me, and I want to keep it that way.”
The man gave him a worried look even though Sasuke couldn’t see him. However…
“I don’t understand, Sasuke.”
Then the aforementioned turned to face him, looking somewhat stressed again.
“I abandoned Konoha, I was a renegade, on more than one occasion I tried to kill Naruto, the hero of the village, I wanted to destroy Konoha to the ground… what future do you think the son of someone like me would have?”
Kakashi was mute for a moment as he began to understand what the other was telling him. It wasn’t that Sasuke despised the baby just like that, it was plain and simple that he was worried and scared for the baby’s future even though it had barely been conceived.
That said a lot about Sasuke, how much he had changed.
“But you’re not that shinobi anymore. You’ve changed.” He reminded him. “You served your punishment at the time, and since then you have helped the village in your missions. Konoha just needs time to trust you again.”
“Time?” He smiled subtly, wryly. “How long, Kakashi? Remember Naruto’s past, a child orphaned and hated by the village throughout his childhood for something that wasn’t even his fault.” He looked away in annoyance. “That gives me a pretty good idea of what that baby will suffer if born.”
His brow furrowed in frustration. Everything would be simpler if that baby had never existed. Damn it! He didn’t want him to have a life of rejection being the son of the old village traitor. He swore that if anyone even gave his son a bad look, he would slit his throat with his sword.
He could bear to be hated by Konoha, he deserved it. But he was not willing to endure his son carrying hatred and guilt that was not his due just as it happened to Naruto.
“You were a traitor and that can’t be changed. But approach it this way: Naruto is now the hero of Konoha, it’s very likely that out of respect for him they won’t treat your son badly.” Before the other could say anything, he continued. “Besides, Naruto’s situation was different. He was all alone, but this baby will have parents who I’m sure will defend him tooth and nail.” He smiled affably at him under the mask.
“Don’t doubt it,” he murmured.
They had not even gone to Tsunade to verify that Naruto was really pregnant and he was already thinking of different ways to torture and kill whoever dared to disturb the tranquility of his future son.
Then there was a small silence in the office. Kakashi was studying his former student and the latter had his gaze glued to the floor as if he was the most interesting thing in the place.
“There’s something else bothering you, isn’t there?”
Sasuke’s eyes focused on him for a second before returning to gazing at the ground. For some time before he left Konoha, Kakashi had been the closest thing to a father he’d ever had. Thanks to also possessing the sharingan he understood him better than other shinobi.
“I don’t know if I can be a good father,” he explained almost in a low voice, without looking at him.
Unlike Naruto, for a few years he had known what a family was. But his relationship with his father had not been particularly close and fulfilling. He could only remember himself going to unimaginable lengths to make him proud, yet the latter just sighed and looked at him as if it wasn’t enough. As if whatever he did it would never be enough.
’Keep it up and become a good ninja like your brother.’
’Father… I…’
Such distant treatment frustrated and saddened him, even made him feel undervalued and unloved.
He only dreamed that he would see him and proudly say ‘That’s my son’. But his father’s ambition was to make him a copy of Itachi, towards whom for a moment he came to feel jealousy and other negative feelings.
He didn’t want to be such a father, but he also didn’t know if he could be otherwise. After all, that was the referent he had had in his childhood.
“Sasuke...” Kakashi muttered, a mixture of surprise and understanding.
He had never expected that at this point in his life he could be touched by anything, but seeing that genuine concern in his former student, whom he knew practically like the back of his hand and who was the closest thing to a son he had ever had, had done it.
“I understand your concern,” said the Hokage. “But no one is born knowing how to be a good father or a good mother, don’t torment yourself about it. Besides, you have Naruto by your side, he will help you.”
“Kakashi...” he named him in an obvious tone, pinning his gaze on him. “Naruto’s parental references are even worse than mine, since he was born he was alone. He doesn’t have any referents to imitate.” He sighed for the umpteenth time and shortly after added. “I can only imagine Naruto teaching our son about the different types of ramen ever and ever.”
The last comment couldn’t help but to draw a hearty laugh from Kakashi, visualizing in his mind what Sasuke had just said.
“In my opinion that would be a fun thing to watch, don’t you think?”
At last the tense rictus began to soften on Sasuke after releasing all that was weighing him down inside. Without intending to, in his mind he began to visualize Naruto with a little boy or girl in his arms as he showed him with childish excitement the different types of instant ramen he kept in the kitchen. They would both be ramen obsessives and he would be the only health food lover in that apartment.
Then a gentle warmth settled in his chest and without being aware his corners curved into a sincere smile.
Appreciating that subtle but sincere smile, Kakashi smiled relaxed under the mask.
“Are you feeling calmer already, Sasuke?”
The boy woke up from his fantasy and faced the man again for a moment with his usual seriousness before nodding.
“I guess so, but remember to send that message to Naruto to come back now.”
“I don’t think there’s much to worry about, Sasuke. The mission is simple. They just have to escort the son of a feudal lord to the Grass village. I think it would be best to let him perform the mission and let him calm down a bit, as I told you before, he looked stressed too and I don’t think that’s good for the baby.”
Resigning himself, the black-haired man nodded his head. Kakashi was right; it would do Naruto good to take some of the worry off his mind by doing that mission.
The problem was that he knew Naruto well enough to know that prudence was not his best virtue.
He could only hope that Naruto, knowing his condition, wouldn’t do anything risky.
TO BE CONTINUED.
Hello! Did you like the chapter? I would love to know your opinion.
As usual with me, I bring an author’s note full of facts that no one asked me for:
About Sasuke: fans have always talked a lot about how the way Sasuke wanted to restore his clan was by having offspring. Even I’ve said it once or twice as a joke. But while I was looking for information to write this fic I immersed myself in many fragments of the Naruto manga and looking at it in more detail, Kishimoto always shows us Sasuke as a character who has no ambitions for the future, he always lives looking to the past (his brother, his clan exterminated and therefore, the lost honor of his clan) In the ancient Japanese culture they had very ingrained the honor of belonging to X family and they defended it tooth and nail if that pride was sullied in any way.
On the other hand and although it may seem simple, Sasuke has never externalized that he wants to start a family. And if his goal had been to have children he wouldn’t have spent his life turning down girl after girl. But why did he do it? Because that clearly wasn’t his ambition.
And that’s what I’ve tried to capture in this chapter and the fic in general. (In that aspect the Sasuke from “Boruto” doesn’t work for me because that one had his Windows formatted, suddenly we all blinked twice and he was already living with Sakura and they had a daughter.)
When Sasuke says it’s enough that Konoha hates only him, in “Boruto” he says a line like that, and I was like “Aargh! Damn villagers, always exuding hatred!” I felt sorry for Sasuke.
By the way, the characters are the Sasuke placed in “Sasuke Shinden” and the Naruto placed in “The Last” but without the bandaged arm and the juvenile alopecia because in my Facebook by popular vote it was decided that Naruto wouldn’t have juvenile alopecia because Sasuke doesn’t go out with baldies XDD
See you in the next chapter!
