I thought we were friends.

Feeling disappointed once again,

but I guess it will not be in vain

Sitting alone in the corner

Thinking, Why did I go back to you again?

Can't contemplate what did I do wrong

Or what am I doing right now

but this is making me feel sad how did you treat me wrong,

without even you realising

Or maybe you were aware all along.

Probably it was stupid of me to go back

Couldn't believe, you were not truthful

And never had my back

How you made plans last time to stay in touch, but never even made a single effort to talk much.

It's unbelievable how hard it is to fix in my mind, I should've never gone back when you were never mine.

I should've never let the thought came in my mind that it will be better

When it's was never fair and fine.

You were pretending to be my friends seeking emotional support

but backbitchings were from you the most.

Asking me to open up to you made me think probably once in a long time I got a true kin

When in real, in my misery you were enjoying and gossipi'n.?

Friendships promises that we will support each other through thick and thin

but once I started doing better you left seconds within.

From the year one I was aware, you were not truthful

but boy was it stupid of me to be hopeful.

You tried to change me even when I was a mess

you probably were naive like me, but I was depressed.

Year two was when I gave in to the comfort,

trying to believe in myself and making the effort.

You said I couldn't even do it if I was in your place, but I was doing fine with my own pace.

You came to my place unannounced and were making an effort?

Effort for what? for my sake

Oh no darlings, I was well aware you were fake.

I let that slide along with many other things that were never fine with me,

but how come you guys were so unaware what you were doing with me.

Talking hours of philosophy on calls thinking you were wise and validated

but what was even that relationship we had that became so outdated.

Outdated for you, that you can't even pick up the phone, I still think  to deserve friends like you "What did I do wrong?"

When I was closest to my lowest,

you so called friends were making that more nastiest.

I was and not seeking any help and effort,

I just wanted something genuine that you might be unheard of because all you know is to be jealous and self centered.

I was not even doing fine when you guys were comparing yourselves with me , cause you were insecure,

But, it was never between you and me

that was sure

I could be naive and toxic, so could be you but one thing that I'm sure is that our's  was not fair from YOU.

You never even called me to ask ,

those who did

were putting on a mask.

I was leaving my breakfasts on your birthdays to wish, writing letters, and making collages,

But on mine I got no calls and messages.

I knew better than to keep my distance and not let you in ,

but it was extremely stupid of me to still give in.

I know between head and heart , it is better to chose the latter

but why didn't it make me feel any better.

I'm still dwelling in on those feelings , but I'll embrace them and rise up

and never let myself treated by fucked ups.

I'm moving on now, it was foolish of me to reach out to you for more

but your treatment to me is not bearable anymore.

I'm not sad, I am just disappointed

That it were you who I counted.

I myself haven't done anything for you , but It was genuine and real from me while it was not even close from you.

Probably our's was karmic and not for a lifetime ,

but your friendships were not sublime.

                                                            - Shivani