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"I know Blair, but...but how can I just forget something like that?" I breathed out.
It's been 7 years since it all happened yet I never forgot.
"Julianna. You need to move on. He was a terrible man and the fact that you didn't tell me shit before, like you're my sister, we never have secrets. See? This guy made you hide away secrets from your own blood! You have a husband, a nice loving man. Oh and before I forget, he's not a murderer." She always did give good advice...
"You're right. Mason is irrelevant." Lies.
"Good. Now, how do I look?" She stood up from her seat.
Today, she's about to head off to a movie premiere. She made it, she's officially a successful actress! Nowadays she's been pretty busy even now. She's supposed to be at my house for the weekend as a break yet she's off to another premiere. It's good that she made it though, I'm proud of her, she deserves it.
Me however, I...I'm married to Sebastian now. He's good. He's a good guy. He's nice, does what a husband should. We started to date in college and got married at 21. I'm 23 now and living in Michigan, it's quiet here. We moved to the suburbs, I decided that I'd be a stay at home wife. I mean I'd never have imagined this life for me and law school was going good but I decided to put a stop on it. I wanted to focus on me, my life and also Sebastian. He's a veterinarian and makes enough money for the both of us so money isn't an issue. Yet I'm not exactly the happiest I could be.
I imagine what my life would've been like with Mason every day. I miss him. So fucking much. He was the guy for me. I know that what Blair's saying is true but still doesn't change the fact that I'll probably never touch or feel him again. I want to, so badly. I know it's bad but sometimes when I fuck Sebastian, I pretend he's Mason, pretend that it's Mason saying all of that to me, that it's him touching me. I'm a terrible wife.
"You look really good as always." I replied coming out of my thoughts.
"Thanks, you know, you could come with me if you want. I know that Sebastian's not coming home until later, with no kids or anything you'll be alone."
"I'll be fine, I'm gonna put on one of your movies and have some me time." I said with a reassuring smile.
"Good. I'll be back soon though ok?" I nodded and waved at her as she walked out of the house. She'll probably show up the next morning because she'll probably go to an after party. Her and Kai broke up at the start of her career for good this time. She's over him and has been single for a while to focus and put all of her energy into acting but lately she's been cozying up with a fellow actor so I hope that goes good for her.
After she went out the door, I ran up to my room and went into my walk in closet. I went to where I kept my shoes and lifted up the black Versace shoes that my mom, Sophie got me. I then shuffled open the little loose wood floorboard. The new envelope.
One thing I failed to mention is that I've been talking with Mason. I send him letters every once in a while to check on him, he never replies. I sent them out however just hoping that one day he'll reply. I know which prison he's in but I've never been there to see him, it'll be too painful to see his face. Knowing that the only reason why he's there was because of me. I wrote him a new one recently and hid it under my pillow so that no one would come across it then waited before putting it into an envelope and sending it off. This one was just really giving a quick recap of my life and asking him how he is. I added that I'm sorry, I always do. And also said that I miss him, that if I could go back and change things I would. But they're just words...they're just that. I pulled in a breath and went to find the letter and a pen, I started writing on the address and all the important details. Then I went outside to the mailbox, please reply.
After that I go back inside and start to reminisce on our last moments together, it was hot, it was wrong yet apart of me still would do it over again. The feeling of him inside me...the way he touched me made me feel hot. I want his hands all over me like they were the last time we had sex, I wish it lasted longer. I hate how Sebastian is always at work, rarely home, I'm always alone. When he's home, he's either asleep or talking about something boring. 3% of our relationship involve sex and even when that rare opportunity comes up, it's not that exciting. I only get wet for him when I think of Mason but I won't divorce him because I'll probably never find anyone else. I want Mason but I don't think anyone will top that so I'm stuck in this suburban loop hole.
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My new book - The Mafia’s Target is out now!!
