What is your opinion?
In The Prairies of The Frairs
"Good story. Shows that some times kindness does win out in the long run"
Is this like a mafia book?
"I mean that's what I feel like the book is given I love it I love mafia type of books this is really good and I love how it draws you in at the first chapter "
Great work
"The book is nice, I like how descriptive the author is, it really hooks the reader. But they were a few places where the author took too long on some dialogues and paragraphs, trailing off the story, which made me loose track. But your cooking up a nice book here and I feel like there's more to come, so keep it up. I really like this book, oh and I SOOOOO love the title. "
Kind Mafia Boss
"SPOILER The start was a bit confusing, as in the first paragraph, you introduced five characters: I, Erid, Tory, Neil, and Garmant. Frankly, I doubt I'll remember them all. I was puzzled by the statement, 'in Garmant's previous place, Garmant punches his gut once again.' Another source of confusion was that in the summary, you mentioned that Liam hesitates when it comes to violence, suggesting he'd be a kind man, not resorting to violence unless it's crucial. However, only two paragraphs in, he's already allowing someone to be tortured. But in mafia terms, I suppose this could be considered 'kind.' The line, 'The Gertas are gonna burn this family down, and the blood will be in your hands!' - usually, you say 'on your hands.' The ending of the first part was powerful. 'That's what I said to my old man as well.' was emotionally charged, and I felt the MC's emotions. --- However, in the next paragraph, 'Did Erid punch get to punch him?' feels like it needs some editing. I also realized that I'd forgotten who Erid, Neil, or Garmant are since you never introduced them. To me, they remain blank characters. The line 'The two of my bodyguards seem like they disagree with me' reads awkwardly. How about 'It appears that both of my bodyguards disagree with me'? The paragraph 'Streetlights under the dim moon...' feels random; I'd suggest an edit The line '“It's the Gertas.” Even people in the car don't let out a gasp at the revelation.' - Why emphasize what they didn't do? Did you mean to say they did let out a gasp? At times, it felt more like reading a movie script than a novel. 'Footsteps from the door, hard clacks to the floor.' I'm not sure if that's your intention, but people usually prefer reading novels over scripts. However, if it was your intention, then go for it. There were numerous scenes that I found unnecessary for the novel. Since this is an online novel that needs to hold the reader's attention, I'd suggest summarizing the entire bathroom adventure with thoughts about a random cat in a single sentence. I genuinely liked how you conclude a scene. Still, I'd recommend keeping the first chapter short and suspenseful as it will keep me engaged. --- I noticed a typo: 'Dessert' not 'desert place,' and there are a few other typos, but I only remember that one. Rephrase: The busy shop´s crowds make thinking harder. So, the first chapter started well, but slackened towards the end. While the first scene where Tory was tortured had some action and provided insight into the world, it also served to highlight that the current head lacks universal support and that there's another rival gang or family causing trouble. The rest of the chapter largely depicted everyday life, including the MC going home, eating chicken, bathing, watching flowers, and enjoying ice cream. I understand that you aim to present the MC as someone leading a regular life, rather than a stereotypical bloodthirsty mafia boss. However, injecting more obstacles into the MC's path, like family members leaving or aligning with the enemy, could increase the suspense. I need to continue reading to see how the plot developes. "
The book is okay but long dialogue
"I really do enjoy mafia books,but the dialogues are long and it’s easy to get lost in the book and not understand their characters easily but I do like Liam ‘s character. Structure could have been better to make it understandable to the readers, that way it’s easier to know what the storyline is it will help to make it more consistent. Other than it’s still good "
