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Of course it was good being with his teammates and friends, playing his favorites songs, seeing how the crowd it's filled with energy, hearing how everyone it's singing along with the news singles. But it for sure good not being at home! His home was oh so depressing, so cold even when the living room was all infected with heaters in every corner, so lonely even when Matt, Nick and Jamie (with their own families!) were there to eat with him. And sooo dark when nobody was around, and even when he was, it felt like something's always missing, oh well, more like someone.
The thing with Miles didn't end well, of course. Their relationship was never meant to be all happy, they both made their own mistakes, hurting the other one doing so. And it was so much pressure, him making the new album with the Monkeys, and Miles with his own going on tour and all that. It was painfully never going to work, and they both knew it, but how could they be apart? When the sex was so good, and the loving even better? It never became that much of a problem until Alex decided to... Give himself a little bit of space, just a little bit he said, but life was all about making him feel insecure and annoyed, he began to feel not good enough, to feel ugly - he wasn't! - and it turn him into this big, big depression person and rightfully, Miles left him with all the pain his big heart was able to hold on.
But after six years, he became a new version of him, Alex. And this Alex was so much mature, so much caring and so needed of love.
And that's where all went wrong.
The car, that's the name of the new album. A soft and dreamy baroque pop orchestral rock kinda album, that one you'll listen in a big meadow all alone with the sun kissing softly your skin. Or that one you'll blast on your phone when you just want to cry cause nothing you do it's good.
Overall, such a good and refreshing comeback for the band after the long hiatus.
The concert dates were sold out so fast that he was practically trembling with excitement because unlike what his fans thought, he enjoyed the shows and he was missing them, not being able to play with his band for so long was a good enough torture.
And there he was, looking like a wet puppy with his hair so long, with those little wreckles hardly noticeable around his big doe eyes but that made him look so cozy and soft, a smile much dreamer that before, his cheeks flushed with a light pink and his voice low and almost velvety. His clothes were different too, now he use a two-piece suit with a white shirt and replace the suit jacket with a comfy blazer. He looked just like you expect him to look after six years, or completely distinct.
But he looked so much better and happier in the outside.
Going home after a long tour wasn't always this bad, he had loving and open arms waiting for him to come inside and give a comforting hug. Now just waited for him his living room looking exactly like he left it a year ago.
And it was christmas month, December. And all the streets were full of decorations such like little trees with rainbow like lights, snowman's that kids made and gnomos with santa's hats. All the cookies were holidays themed, all with christmas trees and boots, shining stars and reindeers.
It made him feel somewhat nostalgic, he used to be so happy with Miles walking down the same streets, with their intertwined hands, their noses red from the cold and blinding smiles with soft giggles. He used to be so in love.
But it's not like that anymore, it is? Miles surely it's happier without him and probably has a new boyfriend or girlfriend much better looking that him, and more sweet and carefree and all that things he wouldn't be.
And he is so sad, his heart will always be with Miles. It belonged there and will never leave his side but... Miles doesn't want it.
And he just made the stupid most stupidest decision ever!
He was walking with his mum on a little fair filled with candies and hot chocolate, hand in hand.
He sees a beautiful guitar, that one that Miles used to love so much but sadly broke at some point. He suddenly remember that songs he used to serenate him early in the morning with that guitar, how he always received a kiss on his temple and sweet words in a low and comforting voice. He wonders if Miles in the last six years buyed a new one ? Or on the other hand he never actually replesed it?
His mom seems to notice his heavy eyes on the dammed guitar, and her hand, warm hand comes to touch so delicately his face.
- Oh hun, I can see that you miss tha' boy so much... - She says, sweeter than he expected.
- I do mum... - He sighs and looks up to her - But what can I do about tha'? He left me for me attitude -
- Me sweet boy, I'm sure ya two will figure it out - She gives him a little recomforting smile, just to try and bright the mood - He loves ya as much as you do -
- How can you be so sure mum...? - He says so low, only his mom could listen.
- I've seen his eyes before Al, I'm not dumb - She grabs his colds hands on hers, trying to get Alex to start walking.
- But mum, that' was six years befo'! What if he doesn't love me anymore? -
- Sille boy, he stills loves ya, believe me - And she actually gets Alex's legs to work.
- He does? Don't feed me fantasies mum... - His eyes looked so sad, and he didn't want to feel like it. Since it was a so strange situation to be walking with his mom, alone. He for the past maybe eight years never made it home before christmas, always on it to just open the gifts and dinner with his family. But this tour ended before the others so he had time to spent and he didn't want to be sad and distant all the time, specially not In front of of his mom.
- Oh Alex, shut up my luv - She pulls a arms around his waist and plants a chaste kiss on his frozen jaw.
- You're goin' to buy it or no hun? It would be a proper good christmas gift if ya ask me - She says.
- Wha'? The guitar ya mean? -
- Ye' that one - She points directly to the one he had been eyeing in their little chat.
- It's expensive mum -
- Not like you don't got the money, Alexander - She says almost Indignant like - And most certainly, not like you won't spend it on Miles -
He can feel his cheeks heating up and by the smile in his mom's face he can tell it's notoriously obvious.
- Ye' I'll buy it -
- Come wif me? - He asks.
- No luv, I'll be right there - She began to walk away to the ridiculously big tree in the middle of the square.
And he finally let's that sigh that he has been holding on since he saw the guitar out.
Once he's inside he can see all the different types of guitars and basses, as well some other instruments that catches his attention. He sees one tambourine so similar to the one that he used to play with the puppets. And so go on.
And can hardly breath when he comes across it, so close that he can actually touch it but he won't. Afraid that if he does a shaky sighs comes out.
And it's so beautiful, just like the future owner. With that deep brown and those orangy edges, looking maybe like a big violin with strings. And he remembers so well how it sounded, too powerful and rocker to be used in a love song but perfect for those solos he's so good in.
He talks to a girl standing still by his side and ask her if he can buy that one. She answer with a tired smile but a cheerier voice that yes, he can.
No, it wasn't that expensive, but he made excuses to not buy it. It made him feel like he's holding on too much in his past relationship. But when he's holding the bag with the box inside, he feels like it's not that stupid of a decision.
And yes, his mum was under the tree waiting for him with a smile that can only says see? I told you it was a good idea.
And he gives her a kiss for that.
Now, with a new guitar, a strip and and a few picks in his house, he finds himself wondering again if is a good decision, to gift him something so sentimental after six years of almost cero contact.
But he is so deep in love with Miles that he would climb the everest if he ever ask him to do so. Because Miles oh Miles was nothing but a sweetheart to him, always so smiley and chatty, so caring and loving and all the good things. He would always help him with a few chords and making new riffs, and when he make it right he'll give him a kiss with possessive arms around his middle not letting go for anything in the world. Or he thought so.
Was such a shock when Mike's told him he couldn't do this anymore, that he loved him but clearly Alex didn't.
Did Miles ever saw the look of love that he had every time someone mentioned his name? Or those little giggles he left when he came across a picture of his boyfriend, or maybe how one night he told him he wanted to have kids with him someday? Perhaps he was too seeply to remember.
But how could he not love Miles? When he carried his love bite with so much pride, using shirts that showed his collarbones for all the other to see!
He was so heartbroken, but the album was already made and the TBHC tour was so close, he could only put a sad smile on his face and sing his feelings off.
And everytime he wakes up and go to the bathroom he can see that bite mark, so present in his skin. So pretty on his neck and shoulders, tracing it with his cold fingers remembering how Mike used to kiss it on the mornings.
How come everything fall apart?
His omega was always sad, always whimpering longing for his alpha, hoping that one day he would be again in his arms. Hoping to feel again the deep concection he shared with Miles.
Was he too childish wishing to be besides Miles forever?
The days at his home felt so lonely without him.
It was tiring, really. To think about Miles all days all day, wishing to be somewhere he isn't.
And the damn guitar hasn't moved from his room since yesterday, he's been thinking on just leaving it to himself and not be a fool. Or maybe he would let Jamie have it -if he likes it of course- or just resell it! But something in his mother's words felt like he might need to be a little more reckless and gift it to the love of his life.
But what would he do when Miles slams the door in his face, or what if he won't even open the door? But... Maybe and just maybe he'll kiss him and tell him how wrong was he when he left him behind. He'll hold him close to his body and whispers in his ears how much he loves him. He'll make love to him soft and sweet, knot him and keep him beside him all night.
Oh! But that was too much to ask.
Christmas was around the corner and it was scary. He will have to greet his entire family and eat bad food made by his aunt and play with his little cousins and sing carols just because he is a singer and be all smiley when deep down he just want to scream and disappear.
But he made it before, mind you. So it won't be so different.
Unless he actually go to Miles house and give him his gift.
But it was way too late and his brain was tired, and he needed to sleep so he'll think about it tomorrow.
He'll do it! Fine!
He'll be strong and will see Miles face. And will endure the urge to kiss him in his lips, and he will apologize for everything and tell him that he is no longer the same Alex as before, that he loves him and that he never stopped doing it. And maybe he'll start crying a little. And then he'll run back to Sheffield.
That's the plan.
And maybe if Miles was kind enough, he'll just say thank you and he'll give him a stiff and uncomfortable hug, tell him that he had already bought a guitar before and that he expected to hear from him soon. And he'll would slam the door in his face.
That in the best of luck.
But he'll do it!
And christmas was tomorrow and he's got his hair long and curly, and a bit of hairs since he hasn't shaved in like a month and dark circles around his shining eyes. Just like Miles like it. Soft and messy, domestic.
But obviously he'll make himself more prettier for his alpha, he'll chose clothes comfy yet christmas-sy and good enough to not look so bad. And he'll put that silver collar his grandfather gave him and he'll comb his rebel curls just a little bit. And of course his gold ring that Miles have him and since then he never has taken out.
He only hopes to no look so pathetic.
And he also hopes that Miles didn't buy the guitar six years ago because that would be embarrassing.
And maybe he hopes for a little kiss? Or just a simple hug is alright too. Well damn just seeing his face is good too.
He's so nervous it's actually ridiculous, he shouldn't be. He knows Miles and he knows even if he hates him with all of his heart he'll never be mean. And that may have cracked a little bit his heart.
He texts his mom, saying that he would go over to Miles house and try to give him is gift. His mother is more happy than him and sends a lot of smiling emoji faces followed by a million hearts and a good luck text.
He wishes he could be so unbothered like his mom, so free of over thinking. He thinks it would be a good life.
The snow it's falling and everyone's freezing making icemans with their kids. He see some Santas on the streets with their red cheeks and big stomachs, with a smile so sweet and promises. He also see kids dressed like little elfs with their pointy ears and extravagant green outfits. He lets himself wonder if his and miles pup will be a elf or a little santa. But he his quickly brought to reality when he finds Miles house.
As decorated as ever, with several colored lights and the occasional plastic saint outside in the garden. Miles had always had a penchant for decorating, especially at Christmas. He liked his house to be the one that stood out the most and can visualize himself laughing as he helps Miles assemble the Christmas tree with colored balls, occasionally stealing a kiss from the corner of his lips. Blushing cheeks and laughter full of love completely filled Miles house.
He can't help himself and thinks if Miles was doing the same thing to someone else right now. If he had another person wrapped in his arms saying sweet words to them and suddenly the weight of the situation falls unsuspectingly on his shoulders. God, what was he doing? Was he crazy? What if he was about to break the perfect Christmas afternoon of Miles and his new partner? Oh God.... Maybe he had kids now and a whole family and all.
Suddenly he cowers and doesn't want to get out of his warm car, he feels stupid for thinking that maybe Miles would be happy to see him again.
But the guitar in his suitcase was waiting to be delivered and he had already told his mom he won't be there for the Christmas dinner because he will be here.
Oh God. Oh Great Heavens and all of that shit.
But she gathers her strength to keep going and finally steps out of her car, braving the chilling cold as she pulls out her carefully wrapped gift with a label that read Miles Kane in gold letters.
He sighs a little anxiously and walks slowly to Miles's door, standing still outside for what seems like an eternity.
Not having enough courage to ring the bell because his hands are shaking slightly. He can feel how his eyes start to itch a little and how his gaze is clouded by the hot tears that want to come out of his eyes.
It isn't until he hears Miles's laughter inside the house that he snaps out of his trance.
His finger touches once on the doorbell adorned with Christmas Santa stickers and a small laugh escapes his lips when he sees the detail.
It seems like everyone stops when he rings the doorbell a second time, he can hear Miles approaching the door and his chest tightens and he struggles to breathe and it all suddenly seems like too much. He feel like he's going to faint at any moment and his cheeks seem to get even hotter than before.
That's when Miles finally opens the door.
And oh god, it's so different but so the same. His hair remains the same, cropped but the wrinkles at the corners of his eyes when he smiles are so cute and charming that he feels himself sigh.
He feels like he's falling in love all over again and he clutches the guitar closer to his chest.
He looks so masculine and happy, his omega is howling inside him, happy to see his alpha again.
Miles's gaze is hard to hold so he just stares down at the snow-strewn ground. And at that moment he feel very insecure, does his hair look good? His clothes were perhaps not the best? Did he look very embarrassed to be there?
But Miles's voice is all he needs to get back to the real world.
- Alex? -
Oh and that voice. That voice that he loved to hear so much, that voice that told him how much he loved him on the coldest winter nights. That voice that laughed with him at the worst moments. That voice that resounded in the room when they made love and told him that it was only his and no one else's. That sweet voice that woke him up with sleepy murmurs...
His knees felt weak and his voice caught in his throat, the love of his life was in front of him, so real, flesh and blood, not a dream. He looked beautiful, he had grown just like him but the years only made him look more handsome, he wanted to cry.
- My love? -
Miles's voice seemed to have cracked a bit, he seemed just as troubled as he was.
Alex dared to look up, searching for those beautiful eyes that had an entire galaxy within them.
Miles's brows were furrowed with concern and his hands seemed to want to grab onto something.
- Alex, it's you my love? - Miles said - Please tell me you're real -
Alex's voice barely made it out, and it came out shakier than he expected.
- O- Of course, it's me... -
And without warning, Miles's arms tightened around Alex's waist, drawing him closer to his body. His face on Alex's shoulder inhaling his scent.
Alex left the guitar behind on the floor and wrapped his arms around Miles's neck, enjoying the fantasy come true of being in his arms once more.
- Oh Alex -
Alex cleared his throat and moved away from Miles, taking the box that had the guitar off the floor. And with a shy look he hands it over.
- For ya, Miles... -
And Miles looked at him with that look he knew so well. A look so deep that he thought he would never see again. His eyes shone with millions of stars and he thought that perhaps all the shame, pain and cold were nothing compared to the Christmas joy that was in his heart to see his alpha.
But did Miles miss him the way he did? Did he dream of him every night and cry when he needed his touch? Made an extra cup of coffee just because he was still thinking about him? Perhaps he missed the mark he had made on his neck? Or was he just shocked to see him again?
- Do ya want to come inside with me? - He wanted to laugh at everything that has been happening. How Miles sounded so soft and how his cheek managed to feel hotter tan before. How Miles was dressed, in a ugly sweater that he bets it was itchy with those flare jeans he used to wear all day and the boots oh the boots... They are those leather boots that he gave him on their third anniversary, the same day Miles bit him.
- Ya' boots Mi... The ones tha' I gave ya? -
A tear rolled down his cheek, he felt so loved, so important. Even after they broke up, Miles was still using the gifts he gave him.
Maybe it's because he liked them too much and it had nothing to do with him, or he just put them on because they were the most handy. Still, he couldn't help but feel a little overwhelmed.
- What? Oh... Yes they, they are - Miles sounded a bit surprised, he didn't expect that. - Al don't cry... Come inside, we can chat -
Alex simply nodded and entered Miles's house. It was the same house that he has always had but it was so different, he had obviously remodeled and changed it to his liking. There were vinyls of his previous albums and the new one he was about to release. His eyes found the two Puppets vinyls in a corner in front of a full-length mirror that Miles must have used before going out to see his outfit.
On the opposite side there was a large tree decorated with millions of Christmas decorations and stuffed animals, there was a small table with a glass of milk and cookies. The detail was so sweet.
It was a fairly comfortable and warm place, there were two individual armchairs and a large one in the middle. Alex sat stiffly in a single chair, leaving the gift next to him.
He was waiting for Miles to speak first because if he did he would end up not saying anything and crying profusely.
And so Miles talked first.
- Alex, what are you doing here...? -
- Do ya want me to leave Miles? I can do tha' - He was still clinging to the idea that maybe Miles was just being awfully nice to him.
- No! Of course not Alex -
Alex just turned to look at the tree to his left and stay silent.
- So... -
The situation was strangely uncomfortable.
Everything with Miles had always been so comfortable and comforting, and to be honest it wasn't the ideal reunion he dreamed of many times.
- Sho- Should I leave? I'm a making everythin' worse? I'm sorre...-
- Oh Alex... You don't have to -
He felt hands covering his, and thumbs caressing his icy knuckles as if wanting to comfort him. It was quite romantic if he thought about it.
- I've missed ya Miles. So fockin' much - He felt a lump form in his throat. Was it wrong to say what he had just said? Was it still too early to say such things?.
- Me too Al but first let me get ya a cuppa of tea mmhm? -
- Oke... -
Sitting in Miles's dining room, which had a snowflake tablecloth with some red-nosed reindeer. There were some chocolate cookies and in front of him was a cup of hot tea, without much sugar as he liked.
In front of him was Miles, with a cup of coffee that he very well remembered how to make. In the machine with two teaspoons of sugar and one of cinnamon, with a little milk. He usually had it with French toast which he made himself.
Miles was a good cook.
- Fanks... -
- You still got the accent, don't ya? -
He just hummed in approval.
- How's Pauline? And aunt Helen? -
- They bot fine ye', still on the Wirral - He laughs.
- What's that you bring me? A christmas gift? -
- Oh tha'? Don't know... -
And Miles laughs, like things never changed.
He starts by breaking the packaging with little trees with stars on the top, and Alex bites his lip so hard that he can feel the metallic taste of blood in his mouth and the pain helps him -ironically- to calm down a bit.
He hears Miles say something but doesn't pay much attention as he's suddenly too focused on the cookies. His tea is getting a little cold and his mind is clouding with fear that Miles might find his gift a tad stupid.
- Alex... This is the guitar I broke - Miles says with so much feeling in his voice that it even takes him out of his thoughts.
- Ya don't want it? I can give it back -
- Oh you're so...- Miles hugs the guitar and looks at Alex with a look that's a little hard to read. - Thanks, Alexander. I appreciate it -
Oh, Alexander? He usually said his full name when he was serious and sincere.
His cheeks flushed a bit but he just say that he's feeling a bit warm under his coat.
- It's nothin'... Realle -
- I'm sorry Alex, I'm so stupid -
Alex looks up and sees Miles with a sad expression.
- Wha'... -
- I'm sorry... You're my omega after all I- I don't know why I left - Miles puts the guitar back in the box and sits upright taking a sip of coffee - Everyday it's like a torture for me Al -
- I never looked for you because I thought you hated me -
- How- -
- Hush luv, let me finish -
- You seemed so happy with the Monkeys on tour that I thought you were better without me and you look so pretty that my heart hurts - He took a breath before continuing - And I could clearly see my bite on your neck and I was crying my eyes out every night because I was so fucking stupid -
- I'm sorry, Al -
Alex let out a shaky breath and tears welled up in his eyes.
And with a smile he stood up from his chair and went to where Miles wrapped his arms around his neck.
- Miles, oh Miles. Me luv - He cried.
- I thought you didn't want me anymore... I thought so many things and I was so sad and me mates were trying everything to cheer me up but I was always thinkin' about ya... -
Finally his lips kissed him in the middle of his little speech. Miles laughed into the kiss, his hands desperately stroking his back and playing with his hair.
Oh how he missed his omega!
- I luv ya Alex I would never hate ya! I even want to have pups with you! -
- Ya mean it Miles? -
- Of course! How pretty would ya look with a little bump? -
His cheeks turned unbelievably redder. Happy to know that his alpha shared his wishes to have puppies.
He laughed so happy, so in bliss.
- Why did it take us this long to finally know it? We belong together Mi - And if the eyes hearts that appear in the cartoons were real, he was sure he was seeing Miles like that.
- Cause we're stupid - He kissed him softly - But six years it's enough -
Miles had a bottle of his favorite wine and after a few glasses they were tipsy an all over each other laughing and kissing.
Miles in a burst of confidence pulls Alex onto his lap, wrapping his arms around his waist, making him blush and laugh shyly.
- Mi! Stop making me blush... -
- How can you ask me to stop if you look so adorable with your cheeks all red? -
Alex just chuckled into Miles's neck as he muttered endearing insults.
Oh god, this must be heaven! His alpha was so affectionate filling his face with kisses.
- Ya look so beautiful Alex. Aged did nothing but make you more stunning. - And he kissed those wrinkles around his eyes.
- And ya? Look so handsome! Unfair if ya ask me - He giggled.
- But really, you look so beautiful... Like some poet from the sixties only more prettier -
Alex is so lost in Miles' sweet words that he can only sigh dreamily and rest his head on his chest listening to his heartbeat.
His inner omega howls with euphoria just like him.
- How could ya know tha' - He laughed.
- I just do - And a sweet kiss was deposited on his lips.
Miles took Alex's hands and laced their fingers together, then spoke
- Al, let's not be this daft again, eh? I love ya -
- yeah... We'll try don't we? I love ya too Mi -
That's how Alex's Christmas ended.
Much better than he expected -and what he deserved-. There, in the arms of the love of his life, reunited again by the magic of Christmas, or perhaps by the magic of love. It doesn't matter! They were together and it was the most important.
He wanted to cry and shout his joy to the entire world, but the tears had already been shed and his world was before him, so no need to shout.
It was all too perfect and he hoped it would stay that way for a few years and more, especially when Miles looked so good.
After all, they were going to have puppies, right? And they'll be a family!
