Her Bathtub

*Tick

Tock

Tick

Tock

…

Ding.*

Another day, finally passed.

For how long can I last?

In this dreadful home

Once flourished with love

How the time has gone by

Gone by So fast.

Each rotation around the sun

It seems to get darker

And the sun gets farther.

Why hast thou forsaken me?

I can’t stand this too much longer.

My name is Myra. Im 15, black, and I was blessed; But it’s starting to not feel like it. Don’t get me wrong, I love God; but its starting to feel like he odesnt like me. I learned you xan love a person without liking them. My parents once loved each other, like a lot. But I guess I failed to realise how their love depleted over time.

I’ve been able to tell for a while, my mom’s just not feeling marriage anymore. I had a gut feeling, and it was indeed correct; I see a lot of things they think I don’t see. She was super young when she had me, there was no way she could have made that kind of decision rationally at her age. My mom married my dad when she was only 22. Had me at 23; My dad was 36. He already had 2 sons before he met my mom and they were pretty much grown, if not almost grown.

My brothers were never really around. I see them from time to time but maybe once or twice a year, 3 if im lucky. Im not so mad about it though, they’re interesting, to say the least. The lifestyle they live is the one my dad abandoned. Maybe they will too.

I believe the time will come.

And if it doesn’t, oh well.

I find it hard to express myself these days, so I do my best. I find my tone rather plain too. Comically average, but realistically, quite strange. I still question why it’s so hard for me to express appreciation in a civil manner. I want to jump and convulse sometimes, but I know I wouldn’t even if it was involuntary. It’s just - not who I am. Not what I do.

So I don’t.

I always found it hard to find like minded people, since I was forced to mature at such a young age. No adult I’ve ever talked to has thought that I talk like a kid. And not to be cocky, but I really don’t. I dont do or say kid things really. Im stuck doing adult things. Not sure if it’s really a good thing or not. Atleast it’ll be easier for me to be independent.

I’m kind of like the parent of my friend group. Always making sure my friends are in check and taking charge during crisis., stuff like that; It makes me question how long ago I had abandoned my childhood. I never seem to question it too much though, i’m used to it now.

Between me and my parents, i’m the one doing all the thinking; the medium. I’m fine on my own but I know it will be different if something happens between them both. I try to talk with them about it, but ultimately it never actually works. I really don’t want anything bad to happen to them, to us.

Still I question, is there another way?

Maybe there is, and im willing to find it.

I hope theres a way.. maybe something I’ve never seen before. Something totally new.