On Trembling Ground

5 April, 1865

My Dear Brother Daniel,

Please forgive my penmanship, for I write in haste. Haste not from a constraint of time, but from my fear that should I linger over this message, my resolve will falter.

I beseech you tell everyone at home that the 38th has stood proud for dear Carolina, and nary a man has died in vain. However, it is with both regret and honour I relay to you that on this solemn night we are but eleven strong, our provisions exhausted, our munitions low, and enemy troops surround us on all compass points. A chill settled upon us with the sinking of the sun and as we huddled around our small fire, the reflection of those flames could not mask the truth of our quandary in a single man’s weary eyes. We sat at length in silence; no doubt all were seeking the answers of their souls, as was I. Caleb Griffin first broke that forlorn air. “On my honour, I’ll not be taken prisoner,” he said, his voice a whisper but his words rang firm with conviction. Each man in turn answered likewise, and dear Brother, please assure all that there was no hint of hesitation nor the slightest tremble on any man’s lips.

We thusly took our repose and now the hour is such that even the night birds have stilled their song. Sleep will not come and each hour grows both more fleeting and more endless. Only the memory of the fallen boys of the 38th fortifies my convictions. However, I must tell you my heart longs for home. To once more smell the sweet honeysuckle beyond the lower pasture; to hear the rustle of wind amongst the pines. I ache for one last sunrise, for the dewy grass beyond the house to stain my boots, to stroll the rolling acres settled by our grandfather, your namesake. Daniel, know that the land is my cause, our cause, for generations of our blood have graced the precious clay and rock and soil we know as home, and that same good earth likewise graces our blood. For that I stand.

Yea, Daniel, tomorrow I shall die, but as my blood stains the ground and my life ebbs, my soul will go in peace knowing you will grant me this one request:

Watch after my dear Sarah, and break this news to her gently, for I cannot find words to describe all that is in my heart for her. Assure her, should she have opportunity to take a new husband that she has my blessing, for the thought of her life spent in mourning would surely torment me for eternity.

And should she have children, and your children, and those to come, instill our good purpose in their hearts. Lead them not to believing our peculiar institution held merit, for as I face eternity I am certain that all men deserve to walk this earth in dignity and respect. All men should take solace in the Lord’s Word, and through it, know the love of family and of the land that sustains them, equally. Due to its biblical presence, some may view slavery as ordained and its preservation the cause of this war. For others, history may write this incursion as a political or economic endeavor, and perhaps so in its origins. But, our flesh and blood must know their family blood was not shed for some vague ideal, nor for any institution of servitude, but for the very land I speak of. To forsake as much would be to forsake themselves.

Lastly, Daniel, share with them the joy you and I have found in music. My heart breaks knowing I shall not hear the sonorous strains of your fiddle evermore, nor will I chord my guitar in accompaniment; that Mother’s gentle alto nor Father’s bass will no more soothe my ears. Oh, how the memory of those sounds give me comfort in this fateful hour. They drift to me now like angels on wing. Those times we shared in song will forever resonate in my heart, for music has brought a sweetness to my life unlike any other, and I shall rest easy knowing a melody carries on in our family.

And now, dear brother, the eastern sky is graying and my fate lies just beyond the coming dawn. Hold me fast in your memory as I wait for you by the River’s shore.

Your Brother Eternally,

Riley Vann McCallister

Corporal, 38th Regiment, D Company

North Carolina, Confederate States of America