Prologue
Something that I learnt about death is that it has a nerve, an ugly, straight-forward nerve. It hits you on all the wrong days, steps on all the wrong toes and whether you were prepared or not, death will not give you time to strengthen up first. In the end, death will strengthen you.
This death is not your own, of course, but that of a loved one. This death is not a relative or someone that you never really spent time with. It refers to the person that your heart relies on. Sometimes this is the person that prayed for you, supported you, and comforted you or someone that you got accustomed to being around daily. When the death of this person feels like something inside of you has also died, only then, do you realize how much you loved that person, but then it is too late.
You do not always get a goodbye, a hug, a dance, a kiss, a smile, a smell, or a touch; and even if you do, it will never be enough, you will always wish for more.
Society tries to quieten the grief by giving you steps for healing. There are no real steps, not in any order though. I think that the best way to deal with grief is comprehending the reality of it and working through all the ugly parts, in whichever order your brain and heart grasps.
My reference to understanding grief comes from the death of my mother on Friday, 22 June 2018. Before this day, I did not have the slightest idea what it was like to lose a loved one. I thought I understood because I had lost friends, family, and other acquaintances I had been close to for a while. When my mom died, I realized that I never knew what grief felt like at all. It was from this day that I got my own experience, and a dreadful experience it was and sometimes still is.
With this book I aspire to reveal the truth about what grief really feels like, to relate with the griever, to teach the griever’s friend and to give enlightenment to anyone who thinks they understand grief because of someone else’s experience or psychological studies.
If you have experienced sorrow, I hope that my book will bring you comfort in such a way that you may feel a sense of relief. If you have not experienced it yet, then I hope that my book teaches you the truth about grief before it happens to you so that if it does, you are a bit stronger than I was when it happened to me.
